u/deadgirlfriendx

Hello ! Je traverse une période assez difficile de ma vie en ce moment, ce qui m’amène à beaucoup de solitude et d’angoisse. Je me lance donc ici pour trouver des personnes bienveillantes avec qui échanger de tout et de rien.

Je suis passionnée de cinéma et de tout ce qui touche à la création artistique comme le dessin ou la musique. J’adore découvrir de nouvelles choses et voir comment les autres se représentent à travers l’art.

Je parle aussi couramment l’anglais pour ceux qui préfèrent

Sinon, je suis ouverte à toutes sortes de discussions !

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up since 7 months ago. Until this day, we still live together. It has been pretty hard to deal with but we are still in good terms.

The reason we broke up is because I had doubt on his feelings for the last girl he dated before moving out of his country. I saw him writing about her, about a letter she wrote him when he got there, and I could tell he never really moved on from her.

I asked him many time if he still thought about her (when we were still together) but he would always say no, probably to not hurt my feelings. All I wanted was the truth and I knew deep down that he still thought about her.

Last month, he flied back to his country for vacation and because it has been a while. Before going, we had a huge discussion. He told me that he wasn’t even thinking of meeting this girl again. I didn’t answered him, just left a silence, not knowing if I could really trust his words. While he was there, we would still text sometimes, to know what was up. He would say that he misses home, that he misses me.

When he cameback, I felt anxious but happy to see him. He was acting very affectionate with me, very physical too. But he never told me anything about this girl again. Since he cameback, I had the feeling that he was hiding something but I never had the courage to ask him.

So the time passed, and recently, I saw him drawing one evening. Next morning, I was looking at his sketchbook on the table. I turned the pages and saw a drawing of her. I immediatly recognized her face and so, I went to check her social media. I looked through her last pictures she posted and I could recognized my ex’s wrist and hand. After that, I saw they started following each others again. My body was shaking so hard and I felt like vomiting.

Next day, I asked to talk to him. I admitted everything, the fact that I loved him and that I couldn’t let go, that I knew him and her met again and that I wished he was more honest with me. He said he wanted to tell me, but that he never found the "good timing". He Said that when they met, they only talked about how their lives became after they broke up. He said that he loved her as a person and what she does in life. Now, they are just friends, and she doesn’t see him as a potential romantic partner. But I know it’s not the same for him, he genuinly loves her.

I can’t help myself but think that during all this time, his heart was somewhere else. I told him that I wanted to know every parts of him even if it would hurt me but that he would always hide something from me and that his words only mattered during the moment he’d pronounce them.

Today I saw that he was hiding a picture of her in his wallet. It got my heart heavier than it already was. I am still so in love with him even after he wasn’t being honest about his feelings. I know that going back to him isn’t the right choice for me, but for now, I can’t seem to imagine myself leaving him.