u/deepweb101

Hello fellow melahomies! I’m new here, I’ve been lurking since my first ever biopsy came back positive for aggressive malignant melanoma last month and this is my first official post.

WLE was yesterday morning, 14 stitches across my chest from a mole that I’ve had since I was 12 that suddenly turned evil 15 years later (28f) Since I was originally told it was aggressive with unknown staging I assumed the worst. The surgeon yesterday said it seemed it was early enough and suspects it to be stage 1 (won’t get the pathology results and know for sure until 2 weeks).

Great news right! So why am I so depressed today and yesterday after the excision?

I’ve been a ball of anxiety since I got my biopsy results back but now…I just feel hollow and empty? I’ve been exhausted which I read can be due to my body healing from the giant chunk that was removed. I have had mental health struggles in the past but I just did not expect to feel this way! Did anyone or does anyone else experience this? Maybe I just need good sleep!

And ive never wanted to drink so bad. I’ve been trying to quit for years to no avail (tried to ‘taper’ everytime and yeah…does not work for me lol )
I found out on Tuesday of last week and you would think getting that news would be enough to make me clean up my act & stop right then…nope. I continued my daily habit of 4 shooters (I hate the fuck who invented those things. BUT to be fair I used to clear a fifth a day so…)

Right now is 30 hours. I don’t feel withdrawals, I’ve never really had symptoms in the past when I quit besides headache and anxiety which is what i anticipate. I can’t stop fidgeting.
I’m craving that burning feeling so bad I’ve been putting kombucha in a shot glass and topping it with chili powder since I got home from work 😭

My birthday is tomorrow too and spending the weekend with family who loves to drink. Going to buy alternatives to prepare myself. I’ve never had a sober birthday…

And first surgery on Monday to cut some cancer out…yay.
Not really sure what I’m looking for here, just needed someone to listen who understands.