Confirmed the self hatred is so strong it's just straight up transphobic now.
I'd never disrespect another trans person in real life, I will always respect pronouns and names, but. Every day I find myself somewhat agreeing with transphobes, moving closer and the closer to the opinion that trans people are better off dead. I don't really believe it, I don't think my trans friends are stupid or better off dead, but I can't help thinking it. I see transphobic online and I think it's justified. I hate that I think these things, and again, I don't really believe them, and I certainly don't believe them in the context of real life, but I can really see how repression leads to intense hatred. I think I'm aware of enough that all this hatred will remain self contained, but man I really wish I wasn't so hateful. I feel like a horrible person idk. Idk if this is against the rules but I yeah that's how I feel I guess.