My whole fyp is suddenly full of ads, not a single normal video, and when it's not an ad, it's a video that doesn't even interest me or thay would never usually be on my fyp.. basically my fyp has been acting out of character, wtf??
I'm a trans guy, and for the last 6 years I've been experiencing agonizing gender dysphoria, but in the few months, since my dysphoria started spiking up once again, I suddenly had a doubt: "am I actually trans, or had I not tried being a girl hard enough yet?", "would I still be trans if I was a conventionally attractive girl?".
Sometimes I even wonder if maybe the reason I'm uncomfortable with my chest/sexual characteristics isn't because I'm trans, but because I'm fat, as if the two things can't co exist. Due to this I end up tightening my clothes and checking my curves to check if they make me feel dysphoric, and when I don't feel it immediately, I start wondering if I'm even trans in the first place. I have no desire to be feminine whatsoever, but something tells me I can't be sure unless I don't give it a try.
I'm so tired of this because I can never be sure.. I'm pretty sure I have OCD so I try to do compulsions as less as possible, but then not engaging with them makes me feel like I'm not against the possibility of actually being cis, or that me saying "this is just OCD" is my way of denying that these thoughts are actually what I subconsciously desire.