u/diabolicalmonster484

Hi! So some issues I've came across with a lot of hair salons in the area I'm in, is they tend to add a "feminine touch" to it. I want to look netural, not feminine. So is there anyone in the area that'd be good at that? I know Springfield is very diverse so for me it's the best option. I also have blonde streaks in the front, so I'm hoping I can get rid of it. I'm wanting my hair to be pretty short, but again, like I said, a lot of the salons in my area won't give me what I want. I'm also looking for a decently priced place that's good. Thank you!

I'm so confused

Growing up I've always liked girls, I've known since I was in 4th grade that I liked girls but I see so many conflicting things online. Idk if I'm a lesbian or not. I've always labeled myself as pan, but idk if that's true or not so let me explain:

1. I find fictional men attractive: I've always had a preference for fictional men over fictional women (maybe I just haven't found my type because I mostly focus on the men). Like there's one character that I've consistently liked, which is Gojo and maybe Giyuu. With other ones I've had a crush on, it faded. Gojo has been the one I've liked for years. I also love fanart, specifically when they make the male look attractive. But when it comes to irl men, I'm very selective. The only real men I find attractive is if they're gay or feminine.

2. When it comes to real attraction, it's women (all types of women), feminine men, femboys, and gay men, or AFAB. I always feel bad when I say that, because idk if it sounds transphobic or not. Maybe it's the part I'm attracted to.

3. When I think about who I'd want to marry, I get a lot of conflicting feelings. I think the only reason I'd want to marry a man is because I want to have kids and I want to know what sex would feel like with a man but when I look at them, they gross me out bc why does it look like that? However, in my mind it sounds like it would feel better, but with a woman I'd be happy in all aspects of life. With sex with a woman, ik they can use a strap-on, but how many actually want to do that? Especially online, I've seen a lot of lesbians be rude about dating bi women. Obviously they may not be comfortable with it which is completely fine. It's just the way they word their posts.

4. I've only ever been in love with 3 people. My best friend (female) who I was head over heels for several years ago, my ex girlfriend who I dated for a year, and then my ex boyfriend. I only dated him for 2 months. He was possibly a trans woman, but he never told me to call him she/her and was never sure of it, but he did present himself as a femboy and was very feminine.

I would date a trans man, a feminine man, woman, non-bianary person, or gender fluid person but I think that would only be AFAB. I promise I'm not trying to be transphobic I'm just struggling to find out how to word it correctly. I do see trans women as women, trans men as men.

I also struggle a lot with internalized homophobia. When I was with my ex girlfriend, I felt scared to show affection to her and sometimes gross. I can accept other people, I can go to pride and be happy, but I struggle to accept myself and maybe that's because I'm so confused. I also have a lot of religious guilt. I do believe in God, but you know how Christians are.

I worry that if I do lable myself as lesbian, what if I end up with a man? Does what I'm describing sound like comphet? Or am I pan? Omni with a heavy preference for women? Has anyone else had a similar experience? All I know is I like feminine people and I wouldn't be happy with a masculine man. But I would date someone who androgynous (I LOVE ANDROGYNOUS PEOPLE) with that, I don't think I'd care if they were male or female? I'm not sure though