u/disabledfatherof2

No money yet 😢 for August’s payment.
Anyone else still waiting?

*An open letter from a disabled father in Calgary — and an invitation to every Albertan it could happen to.*

This is not a separatist argument or a partisan loyalty test. It is about whether disabled Albertans can trust the support they were promised.

To the Government of Alberta, and to everyone else who will read this:

Giving up saved my life. I know how that sounds.

I need you to understand what I surrendered, because it was everything.

I wanted to be a doctor. Not as a daydream — I built my life toward it. As an adult, I went back to school and scored between 98 and 100 percent in every course I took: biology, chemistry, physics, and mathematics right through calculus. I earned top marks in two demanding engineering programs. I am fluent in a second language. I have driven logging trucks and oil-field tankers and paved highways on 12- and 16-hour days.

I am not telling you this to boast. I am telling you so you understand that what happened to me was not laziness and not a failure of will.

I have fought mental illness my whole life. It began in childhood with ADHD; in adulthood, it became schizoaffective bipolar disorder, with OCD alongside it.

My illness is triggered by stress. Every time I reached for the life I wanted, it took me apart. It has cost me two marriages and nearly a third. Over the better part of a decade, I spent a cumulative five years inside psychiatric hospitals.

Finding the medication that finally stabilized me took years — and the medication itself has a price I am still paying.

I have lived through akathisia, a torment that makes it unbearable to stay inside your own skin. Restless legs so severe I could not sleep. The loss of bladder control. Stretches when the drugs left me able to do nothing but lie in bed and stare at a wall, with no thoughts at all.

After 10 years on high-dose lithium, my kidneys began to fail. I have gained close to 150 pounds — I was once a bodybuilder — and I now carry a metabolic disorder I will have for the rest of my life.

I am not telling you this for pity. I am telling you because I paid for my survival with my body, and I would do it again.

I have two young daughters. For much of their early childhood, they did not have a father. I was either working 12 to 16 hours a day or lying in a hospital bed.

While I was gone, my wife — who is disabled herself — carried everything alone: the whole household, both little girls, a single mother in every way but the name. She would load our two small daughters into the car and drive them to a psychiatric ward so they could see me.

They did not get to know me, and I did not get to know them. All of us suffered quietly, and that is time none of us will ever get back.

I tried for more than a decade. Then a doctor and I finally said the truth out loud:

The trying was the thing that was killing me.

So I stopped. I let the dream go. I grieved the doctor I would never become.

And then — only then — I got better.

For the first time in my life, I am stable.

We are not a wealthy family. We run a budget so carefully that we have a separate account just for bills. But I do not collapse anymore. I do not vanish into a ward for half a year.

My wife, who nearly left because she could not survive watching it happen one more time, finally has a husband who is here. My daughters finally have a father who is here.

After a lifetime of losing, I have built something steady to stand on.

That is what the Government of Alberta is now dismantling.

Look at the word they chose for the program that keeps my family stable: Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped.

**Assured.**

It means certain. Guaranteed. Secure. Something you never have to doubt.

That was the promise — and on the strength of it, we built a life.

We are not wealthy, and we are not destitute. We are careful. We made our commitments, planned our months, and raised our daughters on the understanding that this floor would hold because the government’s own word for it was assured.

They are now breaking that word in every sense it has.

They are breaking it not with one change, but with several at once — and not all on the same day, which is part of how it stays quiet.

**Here is the arithmetic, laid out plainly, because a number this large deserves to be shown, not merely asserted:**

- **Rent: about $439 more per month — already in effect.** Our rent has climbed 62 percent. This piece comes from our housing provider’s formula, not directly from the province, but it is the same squeeze from another direction.

- **A marriage penalty: roughly $465 per month, beginning this August.** A new provincial rule pays each disabled adult in a couple only 88 percent of the individual benefit to reflect “shared household expenses.” We are two disabled people married to each other, so the province claws a share back — a government that speaks endlessly about family, charging disabled people for having one.

- **The federal clawback: $400 per month, already happening.** Alberta takes back the new Canada Disability Benefit dollar for dollar — money Ottawa sent specifically for disabled people and that every other province lets them keep.

- **A core cut: $200 per month, per person, beginning January 1, 2028.** If I am moved to ADAP and cannot get back onto AISH, the temporary transition top-up ends and the base benefit itself drops.

- **Then rent rises again: roughly $350 more per month.** That will happen once our housing provider begins counting money intended for our children as our “income.”

Stacked together, this is the arithmetic of it.

Even if I win the fight to stay on AISH, a household like ours loses roughly $1,650 per month. If I am pushed onto ADAP and cannot get back, it climbs past $2,000.

There is no household, at any income, that loses that much every month and stays whole.

Part of it has already begun. The rest is scheduled.

The first piece is already gone.

When our rent rose by $439 per month, it consumed the small margin we kept aside — the money that, for years, took our daughters camping. This past year, when it came time to book, there was nothing left to book it with.

That is what these changes look like up close: not a headline, but a family quietly losing the few ordinary things that made the years bearable.

Then there was the one piece of good news.

The federal government created the Canada Disability Benefit — about $200 per month for each disabled person, or $400 for a couple like us.

I was overjoyed. For a few days, I let myself imagine what it could mean: a small vacation, a dent in our debt, or the first dollar we had ever set aside for retirement.

Then I learned that Alberta would claw it back — dollar for dollar — straight out of our AISH.

Every other province in Canada lets disabled people keep that money. Alberta alone takes it.

The one hand that reached down to lift us, this province slapped away.

Let me also speak in the language of budgets, since that is the only language being used about us.

I was told a psychiatric hospital bed costs roughly $1,800 per night. I have spent a cumulative five years in those beds — by that arithmetic, more than $3 million in care.

You cannot save money by breaking a person. You can only move the cost somewhere crueler.

Cut a family like mine, push someone like me back toward the stress that has hospitalized me again and again, and a single relapse erases years of your “savings.”

So I want you to imagine that it is you.

Picture your employer cutting your pay by $2,000 per month — $24,000 per year — not for anything you did, not because the work became easier, but simply because someone decided your household could absorb it.

That would be brutal for anyone, at any income.

But if it happened to you, you would still have the exits most people have: another job, retraining, a new career, or the ability to out-work the loss.

I do not.

I have never struggled to find work. I have been hired on the spot my whole life, even through the 2008 crash. I could be in a truck cab next month earning six figures. With the marks I earned, I could walk into almost any university program in the country.

The exits are real, and they are open to me.

The one thing standing between me and every one of them is an illness that has put me in a hospital bed for years at a time.

That is what disability really is: not the absence of will, but the absence of the exits.

This is what makes the design of ADAP so cruel.

ADAP is sold as an employment program — something built to encourage disabled people into work. But you cannot incentivize a person past a disability.

I want to work. I always have. I would take a job tomorrow if I could work without my illness pulling me under and landing me back in a psychiatric ward.

That is what has happened every other time I have tried. A single hospital stay of six to nine months costs this province far more than the $200 per month it cut to “motivate” me.

This is not nudging an idle person toward a job. It is penalizing a sick person for being sick and calling it encouragement.

And this is bigger than me.

Most of the 79,000 people affected have even less room than my family does. These are not people with comfortable lives to trim. They are people who learned long ago to account for every dollar and who have already cut everything there is to cut.

A reduction this size does not shave off a luxury.

It lands on the bone.

It means more hardship and more fear in lives that already hold too much of both. For people whose illnesses are driven by stress, that strain is not merely difficult to bear.

It is dangerous.

Imagine the deeper version.

Imagine spending 20 years clawing your way out of a fire — losing your career, your body, and your sense of who you were — before finally reaching solid ground and building a small, careful life on it.

Then imagine someone with a spreadsheet, who has never met you and who voted themselves a raise that same year, deciding that the ground beneath you could be moved.

And if it is not you, it is someone you love — a brother, a daughter, a friend — carrying every bit of this in silence, the way disabled people are taught to, while you never knew.

The families hit hardest are disabled parents raising children: the very households a government claims to want.

I know why most of us stay silent.

When you live on a benefit that someone else controls, you learn never to bite the hand that feeds you. You learn to stay grateful, stay quiet, and cause no trouble.

Speaking up feels like a risk you cannot afford, and that silence is convenient for the people making these decisions.

They are counting on our fear.

I am done paying it.

You will notice that I have not signed my name to this.

I will tell you why, plainly, because it is part of the point: the stress of being publicly identified could be enough, on its own, to put me back in a hospital bed.

That is not shame, and it is not cowardice. It is medical fact.

In the system you have built, a disabled person cannot safely be seen defending his own family.

I am speaking anyway — but I have had to do it unnamed, and you should ask yourselves why.

**So here is what I am asking.**

To the Government of Alberta: the right thing — the decent thing — is to stop forcing people who have already been found permanently disabled to prove it all over again.

I was already approved. My diagnosis has not changed. My doctor will tell you plainly that sustained work puts me back in a ward.

Yet to remain on the program built for people who cannot work, I am now required to establish my disability again from scratch — to pay a physician to document, again, what this province already accepted.

**Grandfather us.**

Give people with histories like mine a simple continuation, not a fresh fight for eligibility we already won.

And if you will not do that — if you will not abandon any of this — then at least stop clawing back the Canada Disability Benefit.

Yes, ending the clawback would cost Alberta money, because Alberta is currently saving money by reducing its own support whenever a federal disability payment arrives.

But that is precisely the problem.

Ottawa created this benefit to improve the lives of disabled people, not to replace money Alberta was already providing. It was meant to lift disabled Albertans, not reduce the province’s responsibility to them.

Let disabled Albertans keep it.

The clawback is written into Alberta’s AISH regulation, so the government could end it by amending that regulation — without passing a new bill.

It is the least you could do.

And right now, you will not even do the least.

To everyone else reading this: that is the question I want you to carry.

**Why won’t they do even that?**

Ask it out loud. Ask your MLA. Ask until someone has to answer.

If you are disabled, or you love someone who is, add your story to mine.

If your life has been kinder than that, refuse to look away — because they named it assured. They made disabled Albertans a promise with that word, and they are breaking every meaning of it.

I gave up my dream to survive.

I will not give up my voice too.

— A disabled father of two, Calgary, Alberta

---

**P.S.** Today, our new payment arrived, and the numbers did not add up.

We have budgeted and re-budgeted every dollar. There is nowhere for missing money to come from and nowhere in our budget to absorb another loss.

I could feel the stress in my body immediately. It is the same kind of stress that has hospitalized me before.

The stability I fought so hard to build depends on protecting myself from overwhelming stress. These policies are now creating exactly that stress.

If it continues, it puts me at real risk of becoming seriously unwell and being hospitalized again.

This is not hypothetical. It is not something that may happen years from now.

It is what they are doing, right now, to me.

*An open letter from a disabled father in Calgary — and an invitation to every Albertan it could happen to.*

To the Government of Alberta, and to everyone else who will read this:

Giving up saved my life. I know how that sounds.

I need you to understand what I surrendered, because it was everything.

I wanted to be a doctor. Not as a daydream — I built my life toward it. As an adult, I went back to school and scored between 98 and 100 percent in every course I took: biology, chemistry, physics, and mathematics right through calculus. I earned top marks in two demanding engineering programs. I am fluent in a second language. I have driven logging trucks and oil-field tankers and paved highways on 12- and 16-hour days.

I am not telling you this to boast. I am telling you so you understand that what happened to me was not laziness and not a failure of will.

I have fought mental illness my whole life. It began in childhood with ADHD; in adulthood, it became schizoaffective bipolar disorder, with OCD alongside it.

My illness is triggered by stress. Every time I reached for the life I wanted, it took me apart. It has cost me two marriages and nearly a third. Over the better part of a decade, I spent a cumulative five years inside psychiatric hospitals.

Finding the medication that finally stabilized me took years — and the medication itself has a price I am still paying.

I have lived through akathisia, a torment that makes it unbearable to stay inside your own skin. Restless legs so severe I could not sleep. The loss of bladder control. Stretches when the drugs left me able to do nothing but lie in bed and stare at a wall, with no thoughts at all.

After 10 years on high-dose lithium, my kidneys began to fail. I have gained close to 150 pounds — I was once a bodybuilder — and I now carry a metabolic disorder I will have for the rest of my life.

I am not telling you this for pity. I am telling you because I paid for my survival with my body, and I would do it again.

I have two young daughters. For much of their early childhood, they did not have a father. I was either working 12 to 16 hours a day or lying in a hospital bed.

While I was gone, my wife — who is disabled herself — carried everything alone: the whole household, both little girls, a single mother in every way but the name. She would load our two small daughters into the car and drive them to a psychiatric ward so they could see me.

They did not get to know me, and I did not get to know them. All of us suffered quietly, and that is time none of us will ever get back.

I tried for more than a decade. Then a doctor and I finally said the truth out loud:

The trying was the thing that was killing me.

So I stopped. I let the dream go. I grieved the doctor I would never become.

And then — only then — I got better.

For the first time in my life, I am stable.

We are not a wealthy family. We run a budget so carefully that we have a separate account just for bills. But I do not collapse anymore. I do not vanish into a ward for half a year.

My wife, who nearly left because she could not survive watching it happen one more time, finally has a husband who is here. My daughters finally have a father who is here.

After a lifetime of losing, I have built something steady to stand on.

That is what the Government of Alberta is now dismantling.

Look at the word they chose for the program that keeps my family stable: Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped.

**Assured.**

It means certain. Guaranteed. Secure. Something you never have to doubt.

That was the promise — and on the strength of it, we built a life.

We are not wealthy, and we are not destitute. We are careful. We made our commitments, planned our months, and raised our daughters on the understanding that this floor would hold because the government’s own word for it was assured.

They are now breaking that word in every sense it has.

They are breaking it not with one change, but with several at once — and not all on the same day, which is part of how it stays quiet.

**Here is the arithmetic, laid out plainly, because a number this large deserves to be shown, not merely asserted:**

- **Rent: about $439 more per month — already in effect.** Our rent has climbed 62 percent. This piece comes from our housing provider’s formula, not directly from the province, but it is the same squeeze from another direction.

- **A marriage penalty: roughly $465 per month, beginning this August.** A new provincial rule pays each disabled adult in a couple only 88 percent of the individual benefit to reflect “shared household expenses.” We are two disabled people married to each other, so the province claws a share back — a government that speaks endlessly about family, charging disabled people for having one.

- **The federal clawback: $400 per month, already happening.** Alberta takes back the new Canada Disability Benefit dollar for dollar — money Ottawa sent specifically for disabled people and that every other province lets them keep.

- **A core cut: $200 per month, per person, beginning January 1, 2028.** If I am moved to ADAP and cannot get back onto AISH, the temporary transition top-up ends and the base benefit itself drops.

- **Then rent rises again: roughly $350 more per month.** That will happen once our housing provider begins counting money intended for our children as our “income.”

Stacked together, this is the arithmetic of it.

Even if I win the fight to stay on AISH, a household like ours loses roughly $1,650 per month. If I am pushed onto ADAP and cannot get back, it climbs past $2,000.

There is no household, at any income, that loses that much every month and stays whole.

Part of it has already begun. The rest is scheduled.

The first piece is already gone.

When our rent rose by $439 per month, it consumed the small margin we kept aside — the money that, for years, took our daughters camping. This past year, when it came time to book, there was nothing left to book it with.

That is what these changes look like up close: not a headline, but a family quietly losing the few ordinary things that made the years bearable.

Then there was the one piece of good news.

The federal government created the Canada Disability Benefit — about $200 per month for each disabled person, or $400 for a couple like us.

I was overjoyed. For a few days, I let myself imagine what it could mean: a small vacation, a dent in our debt, or the first dollar we had ever set aside for retirement.

Then I learned that Alberta would claw it back — dollar for dollar — straight out of our AISH.

Every other province in Canada lets disabled people keep that money. Alberta alone takes it.

The one hand that reached down to lift us, this province slapped away.

Let me also speak in the language of budgets, since that is the only language being used about us.

I was told a psychiatric hospital bed costs roughly $1,800 per night. I have spent a cumulative five years in those beds — by that arithmetic, more than $3 million in care.

You cannot save money by breaking a person. You can only move the cost somewhere crueler.

Cut a family like mine, push someone like me back toward the stress that has hospitalized me again and again, and a single relapse erases years of your “savings.”

So I want you to imagine that it is you.

Picture your employer cutting your pay by $2,000 per month — $24,000 per year — not for anything you did, not because the work became easier, but simply because someone decided your household could absorb it.

That would be brutal for anyone, at any income.

But if it happened to you, you would still have the exits most people have: another job, retraining, a new career, or the ability to out-work the loss.

I do not.

I have never struggled to find work. I have been hired on the spot my whole life, even through the 2008 crash. I could be in a truck cab next month earning six figures. With the marks I earned, I could walk into almost any university program in the country.

The exits are real, and they are open to me.

The one thing standing between me and every one of them is an illness that has put me in a hospital bed for years at a time.

That is what disability really is: not the absence of will, but the absence of the exits.

This is what makes the design of ADAP so cruel.

ADAP is sold as an employment program — something built to encourage disabled people into work. But you cannot incentivize a person past a disability.

I want to work. I always have. I would take a job tomorrow if I could work without my illness pulling me under and landing me back in a psychiatric ward.

That is what has happened every other time I have tried. A single hospital stay of six to nine months costs this province far more than the $200 per month it cut to “motivate” me.

This is not nudging an idle person toward a job. It is penalizing a sick person for being sick and calling it encouragement.

And this is bigger than me.

Most of the 79,000 people affected have even less room than my family does. These are not people with comfortable lives to trim. They are people who learned long ago to account for every dollar and who have already cut everything there is to cut.

A reduction this size does not shave off a luxury.

It lands on the bone.

It means more hardship and more fear in lives that already hold too much of both. For people whose illnesses are driven by stress, that strain is not merely difficult to bear.

It is dangerous.

Imagine the deeper version.

Imagine spending 20 years clawing your way out of a fire — losing your career, your body, and your sense of who you were — before finally reaching solid ground and building a small, careful life on it.

Then imagine someone with a spreadsheet, who has never met you and who voted themselves a raise that same year, deciding that the ground beneath you could be moved.

And if it is not you, it is someone you love — a brother, a daughter, a friend — carrying every bit of this in silence, the way disabled people are taught to, while you never knew.

The families hit hardest are disabled parents raising children: the very households a government claims to want.

I know why most of us stay silent.

When you live on a benefit that someone else controls, you learn never to bite the hand that feeds you. You learn to stay grateful, stay quiet, and cause no trouble.

Speaking up feels like a risk you cannot afford, and that silence is convenient for the people making these decisions.

They are counting on our fear.

I am done paying it.

You will notice that I have not signed my name to this.

I will tell you why, plainly, because it is part of the point: the stress of being publicly identified could be enough, on its own, to put me back in a hospital bed.

That is not shame, and it is not cowardice. It is medical fact.

In the system you have built, a disabled person cannot safely be seen defending his own family.

I am speaking anyway — but I have had to do it unnamed, and you should ask yourselves why.

**So here is what I am asking.**

To the Government of Alberta: the right thing — the decent thing — is to stop forcing people who have already been found permanently disabled to prove it all over again.

I was already approved. My diagnosis has not changed. My doctor will tell you plainly that sustained work puts me back in a ward.

Yet to remain on the program built for people who cannot work, I am now required to establish my disability again from scratch — to pay a physician to document, again, what this province already accepted.

**Grandfather us.**

Give people with histories like mine a simple continuation, not a fresh fight for eligibility we already won.

And if you will not do that — if you will not abandon any of this — then at least stop clawing back the Canada Disability Benefit.

Yes, ending the clawback would cost Alberta money, because Alberta is currently saving money by reducing its own support whenever a federal disability payment arrives.

But that is precisely the problem.

Ottawa created this benefit to improve the lives of disabled people, not to replace money Alberta was already providing. It was meant to lift disabled Albertans, not reduce the province’s responsibility to them.

Let disabled Albertans keep it.

The clawback is written into Alberta’s AISH regulation, so the government could end it by amending that regulation — without passing a new bill.

It is the least you could do.

And right now, you will not even do the least.

To everyone else reading this: that is the question I want you to carry.

**Why won’t they do even that?**

Ask it out loud. Ask your MLA. Ask until someone has to answer.

If you are disabled, or you love someone who is, add your story to mine.

If your life has been kinder than that, refuse to look away — because they named it assured. They made disabled Albertans a promise with that word, and they are breaking every meaning of it.

I gave up my dream to survive.

I will not give up my voice too.

— A disabled father of two, Calgary, Alberta

---

**P.S.** Today, our new payment arrived, and the numbers did not add up.

We have budgeted and re-budgeted every dollar. There is nowhere for missing money to come from and nowhere in our budget to absorb another loss.

I could feel the stress in my body immediately. It is the same kind of stress that has hospitalized me before.

The stability I fought so hard to build depends on protecting myself from overwhelming stress. These policies are now creating exactly that stress.

If it continues, it puts me at real risk of becoming seriously unwell and being hospitalized again.

This is not hypothetical. It is not something that may happen years from now.

It is what they are doing, right now, to me.