I feel like different “me’s”
I’ve had this feeling for as long as I can remember but it’s never bothered me this much. it’s so hard to describe. it’s like my body and my brain and my consciousness and my feelings are all different “me’s” that i control. my brain gives me thoughts that i don’t like, and i can’t figure out if those thoughts are the real me, or the “bad” me. i often look into a mirror and associate myself with the person i feel like, and the person i look like, and this causes these feelings to happen. it’s involuntary awareness that happens in my body and i hate it.
it happens out of nowhere. i’m trying not to think about it, and then i end up thinking about it, and then BAM: i’m suddenly no longer one person as a whole.
i’m going about my day and then suddenly i become completely aware of my body and my thoughts and then BAM: now i feel crazy and all the different “me’s” are telling me different things.
I feel like I don’t know who “me” is anymore. are the bad thoughts me? if they aren’t me, then why am i having them?
are the good thoughts me? if so, then why do i have such bad thoughts?
which thoughts ARE me? is my body me? is my brain me? which part of “me” do i control?
i’m diagnosed with autism and generalized anxiety disorder, as well as POTS if these may help understand what it happening to “me”.
i hate this feeling. it’s like im trapped in my own mind, and it tells me what to do. i can’t think freely. i don’t even know which “me” is writing this right now.
please help me