u/domesticatedviper

I thought I "outgrew" my queerness but now I think it's confuses me. I'm 23 old woman. I'm sure of my gender but I started to notice some more masculine traits within myself. I don't think I'm a man but I also don't feel fully feminine. If I try to either dress or act more feminine I start to feel exposed(?). Also I thought I'm straight but sometimes when I imagine if my bf randomly turned into a woman I would still love him the same. Also on non-romantic level I find attractive more feminine guys and masculine girls. Sorry for my english btw. But any ideas what I could be? I really wanna find something that matches this description

Sorry, this is my first reddit post and english is not my first language.

So my boyfriend has been depressed for many years, he tried to get better, was in therapy few years ago but he dropped it. He now has quit his job because of his mental state and doesnt want to pick up another one. He is very self aware and states that he knows what's happening with him. It's way worse than it is before. He told me that he's done living for others and wants to end it all for himself. Am I selfish for wanting him to live? Sometimes he feels better and tells me about future plans and picking another job but when he starts to feel worse it all dissapears. He's also very reactive to minor inconviniences. I want to let him stay at home and recover as long as he wants but his money will end soon and I work at almost minimum wage job so he doesnt want to live a broke lifestyle and would rather not live at all.

He is not abusive in any way towards me, he is a very sweet guy, we've been together for 5 years. He really doesnt want to get professional help and I don't know what to do I feel helpless. I want my sweetie to live with me till we get old.

Please tell me what should I do, any advices I'm desperate