u/doubtingsquid24

Hi everyone, I’m new to EMDR and I have CPTSD from an abusive relationship that lasted 1.5 months in 2025. I’ve tried EMDR twice but honestly I’m not sure if it’s ’working miracles’ like everyone else…

Most of the time when I’m with my therapist, she plays a beat and my eyes follow. I’ve done this a total of 2 times only so I can’t say I know much, but during the beat playing I either don’t speak, or she would tell me to try and pinpoint things in chronological order. Yet I feel lost because to me I don’t think instructions are clear (?), like how in depth should I go when I speak? And am I supposed to feel nothing? I feel like even if I feel something in my head / eye strain, it’s mostly just because I’m confused and nervous about my EMDR. I’ve brought this up to my therapist and she says ‘it’s normal to feel nothing or not notice anything’ and sometimes when I do notice, all she says is ‘well done for noticing’ and it keeps going like I have to keep follow the beat to nothing..

That being said, I have dissociated less over time but I don’t know if it’s due to EMDR or just time passing. Yet I still have panic attacks (a lot less tho) and executive functions still failing (incoherent logic, defensive, avoidant - whereas I was very confrontational prior to the trauma, and failure to retain + fragmented memory). I also have issues with sensory overloading from time to time, and problems with staying present…

Could anyone please give me some advice? Am I doing it right or should I trust the process? I have been feeling hopeless and I feel like EMDR is my last hope..

Hi everyone.. I’m starting my first EMDR session next week with my therapist online, and I’m a bit scared and nervous about it.

To preface, I (mostly likely) have CPTSD, if not PTSD from a narcissistic abusive relationship over the summer (1.5 months long… not worth all the time I spent tbh but🥲). I also have betrayal trauma from my best friends turning on me (one dated my abuser, the other excused her and told me I shouldn’t have been harsh on her when she’s just human)… I was sexually coerced (I would say I consented but I was under extreme duress - yes I am a law student) and had dissociative and memory problems afterwards, along with a lot of gaslighting. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past and currently unable to trust people the same way again. Thankfully I’m able to eat and sleep and do certain activities throughout the day, but I am chronically fatigued and afraid to leave the house.

This week something happened to my friend group (these friends were made after my abuse + when I had no boundaries) and when I started having my boundaries back, someone took it as an attack, so I left the friend group but planning to keep in touch with the others. After leaving that friend group, I have no one to talk to (or at least feel safe enough to talk to), and have resurfacing suicidal thoughts. I started ruminating again after 2-3 months of not doing so as much, so I’m worried if it’s a good time to do EMDR.

My therapist has helped me process a bit of my shame from the CPTSD and resurfaced a little bit of my thoughts, judgement and boundaries(but if anyone believes in enneagram, I am an So4 so shame has been the centre of my life for years) so it doesn’t fully go away. I’m wondering if EMDR will remind me of the memories in the abusive relationship and I’ll start gaslighting myself again. I have so much anger pent up in me but I cannot seem to let it out. I remember feeling betrayed, backstabbed and at the same time doubting reality a lot.

Could anyone please tell me how EMDR goes, and am I in a good enough state to start/ is there a specific state to start with? I’ve been okay the past 2 months (able to eat sleep and everything), just this week wasn’t the best for me.

Thank you for listening to my story, I hope everyone’s journey goes well..