u/drasticals

Genuinely why do I keep doing this.

Went on a 4 day bender (again). Yesterday really outdid myself. Woke up and started drinking. Called off work. Went to my other job and drank there. Lectured management about things that suck about the place. Woke up an hour later in the backseat of my car in the summer heat.

Went home. Slept more. Woke up and went back out. Two beers two shots. Threw up all over myself. And the inside of my new car. I know it’s going to smell horrible in there.

I think I passed out at 3am. Slept 3 hours. Woke up in a panic that I’m dying because well obviously….

I used to go to the hospital when I felt like this but I’ve just kinda accepted the “if I die I die” mentality because I keep choosing to do this over and over.

I think it’s been a few months of me subconsciously pulling my hair out. I have anxiety/OCD and it’s becoming noticeable. It’s the same patch in my bangs. I always feel like I have to fix the loose strands and just in general fidget with it.

Growing up I remember my aunt had no eyelashes and my grandma had no eyebrows. I thought it was genetics or whatever until another family member said they pulled them out.

I’m happy my impulse isn’t those areas but I’m trying to grow my hair out and the spot is becoming noticeable. I don’t know where to start in all of this and how to overcome it. It’s so silly when I catch myself doing it and my brain goes “there’s so much hair on your head it doesn’t matter” and rips it out. I can feel the difference between my left and right side.