u/dsn2293

First Attempt

Thanks for the feedback last time!

As suggested, I've refocused the query on the main plot thread. I've also tried to resolve confusion re: crew makeup and beef up the bio as well. Made the comp factors more explicit and updated the log line, too.

Still waiting on beta reader feedback before I start submitting, but I'm eager to get more feedback on the query.

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Dear [Agent Name],

Skip never expected the road home to be easy… but getting abducted by humanity might be the last detour he ever takes.

STRANGE CONTACT is a completed 120,000-word adult science-fiction space opera debut novel, standalone with series potential. Farscape meets Mass Effect, it combines the alien viewpoints of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shroud and the biotechnology of Daniel Kraus’s The Sixth Nik.

Ambassador Martin Skipfrey has a planet’s worth of problems. Between his mink-like species’ incipient industrial revolution and an upcoming engagement to his girlfriend Sam, the world is changing fast enough already. But things are about to get even weirder… When Skip’s curiosity gets the better of him in a meteoric encounter, he’s accidentally abducted by a living ship named Toomi and her alien menagerie of a crew, led by something called a human.

Stranded in the bizarre galactic borderlands, Skip is frantic to get home to Sam—until scans reveal that his planet is a motherlode of the most coveted resource in the universe. It’s the meal ticket Toomi’s crew needed, and now the only thing standing between Skip’s homeworld and humanity’s hungry interstellar empire is one diminutive diplomat. To protect everyone he loves, he’ll have to convince the ship’s erratic collection of criminals, outcasts, and hallucinogen-huffing nuns to give up on the biggest payday in the Milky Way.

No sweat—because even if Skip doesn’t know the first thing about bioships or bulletseeds, he’s got a knack for making allies. But even if he can succeed before the stress and hallucinations of Sam drive him crazy, there’s a catch: deleting those coordinates may mean never seeing his world again.

Time’s running out to decide, as Toomi’s crew become ensnared in a reckless game of brinkmanship between galactic powers. With cutthroat alien factions closing in around him and his sanity hanging by a thread, the only way for Skip to save his home might be to forge a new one among the stars.

I’m a you-know-what from you-know-where who can bake a mean pretzel, with a penchant for collecting blu-rays of the best (and worst) B-movies I can find. With a lifelong love of pulpy sci-fi, I’ve always been fascinated by nonhuman perspectives and in-over-their-head protagonists. Thanks for your consideration!

Best,

[Name]

Dear [Agent Name],

It was always going to be a dangerous road home… but getting abducted by humans wasn’t in the plan.

STRANGE CONTACT is a completed 120,000-word adult science-fiction space opera debut novel, standalone with series potential. Farscape meets Mass Effect, it will appeal to fans of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shroud and Daniel Kraus’s The Sixth Nik.

Ambassador Martin Skipfrey has a planet’s worth of problems. Aside from his mink-like species’ imminent industrial revolution and a brewing war with a rival clan, he’s finally working up the nerve to propose to his girlfriend, Sam. But on the ride back from his latest mission, Skip soon finds even bigger trouble when a meteoric encounter thrusts him into space aboard a living ship named Toomi.

Stranded in the bizarre alien borderlands, Skip is frantic to find a way back home—until Toomi’s scans reveal that his planet is a motherlode of the most coveted resource in the universe. Now, the diminutive diplomat is the only thing standing between his defenseless homeworld and hungry interstellar empires. To protect everyone he loves, he’ll have to convince the ship’s erratic collection of human criminals, alien outcasts, and hallucinogen-huffing nuns to give up on the biggest payday in the Milky Way.

No sweat. Because even if Skip doesn’t understand a thing about bioships or Root-magic, he’s got a knack for making allies… as long as the stress and hallucinations of Sam don’t drive him crazy, first.

But the clock’s ticking fast, as Toomi’s crew become ensnared in a reckless game of brinkmanship between galactic powers, and a ruthless military scientist takes a personal interest in the little ambassador. With cutthroat alien factions closing in around him and his sanity hanging by a thread, the only way for Skip to save his home may be to forge a new one among the stars.

I’m a such-and-such from so-and-so. I spend most of my free time reading good books and watching bad movies. Thanks for your consideration!

Best, [Name]

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First 324:

1. Starfall

Skip heard the creature stalking them long before he saw it.

Loose pebbles rolling down the hillside made his ears prick up. Shifting in the saddle, he glanced up the steep, forested incline to the road’s right. All that greeted him were dense ranks of needletrees, swathes of green boughs swaying calmly in the fresh mountain air.

Riding beside him, Rell was still bragging about some card game he’d won in Timbersedge that morning while waiting for Skip to finish packing. Skip nodded along absently, half-listening as he scanned the treeline.

“—and then my fur turned pink and my tail fell off.”

Skip blinked, and turned toward his companion. “Huh?”

Rell flashed a lopsided grin, as his fur—still bearing ordinary gray-and-white stripes—fluttered in the breeze. “Y’know, I volunteered to ride all the way out here to get you. I thought we’d finally have a chance for some conversation.”

“Sorry,” said Skip, with a sheepish flick of his tail.

“Celebrate a little too hard with the Wyllans last night?”

Skip snorted. Kiff Wyllan was famed for only three things: their lumber industry, their warrior spirit, and the strength of their livers. Living amongst them for the past two months had given him a finer appreciation for the taste of ale and the smell of sawdust, but he’d sorely missed the temperate atmosphere of Inis-Aran’s teahouses.

“Not that. Just thinking about home.” He tugged on Mopsy’s reins, nudging her around a stone in the road. The vonabath made a soft roon. He gave her thick plates a reassuring pat.

“Oh, I see.” Rell’s grin widened. “Sam’s been climbing the walls waiting for you to get back. I had to talk her out of coming with me.”

Skip smiled, and rubbed his fingertips over the black pendant hanging around his neck. “Well, we’d better hurry before she wears them down to the studs.”

A branch snapped. Skip’s eyes darted up the hill again, narrowing.

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This sub has been an invaluable resource in drafting the query (and in setting a word count limit... cutting from 123k down to 120k was surprisingly brutal). A few additional questions:

- is rounding down to the nearest 1k acceptable? Technically it's currently at ~120,300.

- do I need more in the bio? No relevant writing credits.

- personalization seems a bit disingenuous in the absence of any actual networking... is it fine to just leave it out?

- does the log line suck? I want to get the "abducted by humans" angle in there, but I'm not really happy with it yet.

- and out of morbid curiosity, is SF space opera/adventure somewhat dead right now? Finding relevant recent comps is not easy, though in large part due to places combining sci-fi and fantasy into one category, which is currently totally dominated by fantasy.

- On that note, should I position this as "science fantasy" rather than straight sci-fi to appeal more widely to agents? It does have what's effectively magic, though it's not a major plot focus.