u/dungeater64

Edit: TL;DR, my ex cheated on me by roleplaying with their friend over VRChat in the avatar of their f/o and painted fictosexual individuals in a warped light. I have now learned that what they did was not acceptable nor did it accurately represent fictosexuals as a whole and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for teaching me that. Also I'm sorry on behalf of my ex because y'all are NOT AT ALL like them and you don't deserve to have your label misused to excuse cheating. Godspeed!

Hi all! As the title implies, I am not fictosexual, however, my previous partner was. I've lurked here a bit and found the term to describe them as semi-ficto? I'm not quite sure if that term would still fit them after our relationship came to a close.

Throughout the duration of it they would always become uncomfortable when I'd try to flirt with them or be affectionate unless they initiated it first but were very openly speaking about their f/o's in a romantic way which I didn't mind until they started roleplaying with one of their friends on VRChat behind my back in the avatar of one of their f/o's which I would rather not go into detail about here and I wouldn't learn this until they started sharing videos of such to their social media. I confronted them about it suggesting that they could've asked me to roleplay with them but they excused it with their sexuality being fictosexual.

When I ended things, I had a civil discussion to try and understand their side of things and share my grievances with my treatment during the relationship but I've found myself more confused if anything.

Is this how fictosexuality works? At what point does it cross the line into being a commitment/emotional maturity issue? I feel stupid debating whether or not I was cheated on because it was literally the TV from Deltarune but it absolutely was a real person on the other side of the screen. Is this acceptable or am I just being insecure? and if I'm in the wrong, how can I go about understanding this sexuality more? Thank you.

Hello! To make a long story short, after a painful breakup, I've realized I have been fawning the entire time out of fear of being abandoned or making them uncomfortable.

It was long distance over the internet, admittedly, but they had a clear power advantage over me (bigger support system, a much more comfortable life/upbringing, notoriety on social media, etc.) and at some point before we started dating we worked on an art project for MONTHS together which now that I look back on, I was fawning then too. I was putting hours of my life into working on the visuals for this project only for them to tell me to go back and fix it or change it (mind you, I wasn't paid for this, this was supposed to be collaborative but I feel as if I did most of the work) and I just let them do that to me because I was so starstruck they were even talking to me and I didn't want to lose a friend. Fast forward and I ignored the red flags and started developing feelings for them which were mutual so we started dating. The entire time it was THEM calling the shots, they dictated when we could flirt or be affectionate with one another and whenever I'd try to initiate it they'd get uncomfortable and back off which I respected and stopped flirting almost entirely. Here is when they started getting wishy-washy about commitment and what to label our relationship and they'd break up with me only to get back together with me and repeat and I let them. They'd utilize therapy speak to try and explain all this, pinning it on their identity when in truth I believe it to be immaturity. I loved them and I let them step all over me. The final nail in the coffin is when they wrote me what was essentially a "break-up letter" over Google Docs that came off as incredibly disrespectful and the rose-tinted glasses shattered. I finally stood up for myself and put my foot down and told them we weren't ever going to be romantic with each other ever again unless they mature and work on their commitment/maturity issues.

We still talk on the weekends sometimes but I'm debating going entirely no contact with them for my own wellbeing. I will not be revealing their online alias out of respect for their privacy. It just brings me so much sadness because we were so similar when it came to interests and dreams and the future we planned together but I want to respect myself this time. How would I go about growing from this? Am I being too lenient on them?