u/echosanonymous

Im so itchy and find red mosquito bites every day on me

im planning on quitting before school in 2 weeks but ive been buying alot of 640s and taking b12 gummies :/

I was thinking of how much my family member thats super PIMI relies on me emotionally and financially to be honest. And how theyve called me 3 days straight of which day 1 - I spoke with them and sent them money. day 2- I had no reception I was at a river all day and 3- This morning. I think its funny that theyre generally upset Im not available at all times and I need to answer to who or where Im with. For example I went to a river with friends and the vibe I get is why cant you do that with me? Also they got offended because I called my coworkers friends. Everything is so anal. and I thought it was funny because my partner has met them a handful of times but imo gets the vibe he is not liked or welcomed for the most part which has to be true in some way because hes not jw. He cant come with us anywhere because we're not married & Im not sure if thats something new for him. I dont want to rush into marriage to be fair and i DO want to live together before starting a family. and its funny because for someone that loves me or "all people" they say ,they're so judgmental. If I even mentioned "my partner feels you dont like them or want them around" they would be appalled. and I was laughing at the dramaticness of the response in my head. Something like:

😱😳 😦 slaps hand to chest____gasp!

Well I would never judge or not love anyone for not being a JW

yes you would. you always have and you still always do. anyway this post was mainly to vent about trying to people please both sides if you have family in youre still trying to keep the peace with you understand. Also because the dramatic I WOULD NEVER! response made me laugh at least in my time of stress

i picked >!Devens!<. I was immediately thinking Cirie when I heard about it, but, I feel like that's a biased opinion. Yes I feel like she deserves some money for all the games she's played, time she's put in and fire manipulative game. But Devon's made all the big moves, flipping the coin and risking everything. Finding the idols, accompanying Christian to the fake idol. Christian was my original favorite of this entire season, then Emily then maybe Ozzy/Cirie just as a fan. but when I look at pure gameplay, Devens unbiased.

edit: Im liking all comments on this thread, There is no wrong answer

I kind of just wanted to get out something that has crossed my mind multiple times throughout the years, but also hit me again this morning for some reason. When you grow up as a jw and have until the day I die hard-core PIMI parents, obviously there's a lot of pressure and guilt that follows you when you dont fit in that mold. I've always felt guilty for not meeting up to my parents standards, not being anything like what they wanted me to be or expected me to be. Of course, I had my bouts of being a good little Christian girl even getting baptized in adulthood so I've given them a lot of false hope throughout the years in both of the extremes of lifestyles.

Point being one of the things that I can't forget is when I was in about middle school to high school I was extremely rebellious and my dad at the time was a ministerial servant. I remember because I wasn't doing so well at home or in the congregation. My dad got, I'm not sure how you would call it but demoted. He was no longer a ministerial servant, and I can't shake the feeling of how they make you feel like it's your fault as a child and you are hindering your parents privileges just for trying to grow up normal or for finding yourself at that age .

my dad never got to be an elder, my mom never got to be an elder's wife, and it's kind of like I ruined it for everybody. so sad how much guilt shame etc can linger forever ugh. i'm not sure if anyone else experienced something like this, but it crosses my mind a lot.