u/eirenelovescats

hi, im 19 and i have two very close friends. M19, I'll call him Jay and F18, call her Fae (not real names). I hold them very dear to my heart and we all share similar interests.

The problem is this, a long time ago while Fae was busy with school, me and Jay managed to bond over our interests and we loved talking to each other about it. At one point, Fae started having a problem with everything and she'd get mad at the simplest things we do. We could not even hang out or play games without her because she would get angry.

We called her out on it, and she has stopped that behavior and is getting better. I can definitely tell she is trying to be better. My big problem is this. Whenever she tries to talk about that same interest with us, I feel this repulsion around her and can't help it. I know it would be called something like jealousy and possessiveness with the way she's bonding with Jay?

I also believe it's because she's said a lot of hurtful things to me in the past due to it aswell. She would say mean things to me and repeatedly get upset that I'd have to walk on eggshell around her. It was very uncomfortable.

I believe I forgave her already, but I don't think I can see past that disgusted feeling I have when she tries to join in. It's very hard for me to tell myself that it's okay. I am very well aware I'm jealous and posessive of Jay, but I cannot for the life of me control this feeling, and I hate how much of a horrible person it makes me feel.

My question is, how do I get past this feeling? Do I talk to them about it in all honesty? Do I pull away from both of them and try to better myself? I've been considering trying to distance myself away so I can atleast get better because I know it's my fault and not hers. Please help me.

i had no where to ask for help so here we go

hi, im 19 and i have two very close friends. M19, I'll call him Jay and F18, call her Fae (not real names). I hold them very dear to my heart and we all share similar interests.

The problem is this, a long time ago while Fae was busy with school, me and Jay managed to bond over our interests and we loved talking to each other about it. At one point, Fae started having a problem with everything and she'd get mad at the simplest things we do. We could not even hang out or play games without her because she would get angry.

We called her out on it, and she has stopped that behavior and is getting better. I can definitely tell she is trying to be better. My big problem is this. Whenever she tries to talk about that same interest with us, I feel this repulsion around her and can't help it. I know it would be called something like jealousy and possessiveness with the way she's bonding with Jay?

I also believe it's because she's said a lot of hurtful things to me in the past due to it aswell. She would say mean things to me and repeatedly get upset that I'd have to walk on eggshell around her. It was very uncomfortable.

I believe I forgave her already, but I don't think I can see past that disgusted feeling I have when she tries to join in. It's very hard for me to tell myself that it's okay. I am very well aware I'm jealous and posessive of Jay, but I cannot for the life of me control this feeling, and I hate how much of a horrible person it makes me feel.

My question is, how do I get past this feeling? Do I talk to them about it in all honesty? Do I pull away from both of them and try to better myself? I've been considering trying to distance myself away so I can atleast get better because I know it's my fault and not hers. Please help me.

I posted this on another sub but I hope this one helps. I'm not really that close with my father to ask him this nor do I think he'll take me seriously.

I'm 19F and I used to be really good at listening to people or giving them advice or just offering comfort to my friends/family

"Used to" because I had a friend who was struggling mentally, long story short every attempt at trying to get them to cheer up would be meet with a— "It's useless" "I'm gonna do it anyway" "I've tried but it never works" "I'm never getting better" and I found myself constantly at a dead end

Fortunately, that friend has gotten much better! Unfortunately, it did ruin my self esteem and I hesitate a lot when offering comfort. I'm noticing it's staring to affect my current relationships because I wouldn't know what to say at all and that friend would feel like I don't understand their place.

How do I offer comfort or advice my friends better? I desperately need help with this— Especially if it's a situation where I can do nothing to help except remind them I'm always by their side and supporting them.