u/elarth

Okay I’ve gotten the “mansplain” thing from ppl who don’t know I’m trans which is a whole separate conversation. But I got this comment from someone who knows I’m trans… like has known for a decade. Like what the fuck does that mean in this context. I transitioned in my 20’s. I can’t imagine she really believes there’s a moment I’m not aware of what it feels like to be a woman. I’m FTM in my 30’s now so it’s an odd angle to take at me. Are they just old and use to using it as a get out for accountability or am I missing something here?

I have autism so I know sometimes I miss social implications. 😮‍💨

Apparently it’s super common for narcissist to often accuse their victim of being one. I got labeled one and I thought they were exaggerating. You know cause sometimes ppl only hear the bad and then make assumptions from one side of a story.

So I use to think it was an overused term for a very serious personality disorder. But 10 years revealed to me the truth. I felt like nothing made sense, the odd behaviors, the lack of emotion, the random rage. I realize these actually were very curated environments that protected their ego.

But why do they know that word a lot? I could maybe see selfish or victim mentality being a more projected term. It feels eyrie they somehow know that term.

Well I’ve been studying the behavior for 10 years but haven’t really considered to label it anything beyond unhealthy/toxic.

MIL I think use to be a former scapegoat in her family but it’s not possible to reconcile with her cause she fucked up all her personal relationships and thus never healed. But she had a son and he became her golden child. She takes all her emotional needs out of him and he was in limbo trying to escape her whether she liked that truth or not.

Giving me shit for years and we are a gay couple so that’s a different dynamic. Doesn’t care that we are gay but still competed with me. Did a bunch of crazy invalidating things.

Well he passed and frankly was nasty as shit to me at our house. Then is doing the silent treatment for attention.

I tried the nice way cause if you don’t do that first you’re the villain. But she is fucking with my ability to have a normal grieving and funeral process. I’m trying to do a separate event but she won’t say yes to just sending me ashes and me skipping the nonsense.

So I did what I call the overload method tell them the truth they hate, and I can’t even move her. Like she’ll have to come see me eventually for legal reasons. I really want to skip the funeral cause pretending to be nice if you knew the details is probably not possible for me. Literally said have anything; but she’s still trying to play mommy dearest can only know what her son wants.

Ppl are telling me to go anyway which it’s all about her and the catholic church isn’t that friendly to gays. Plus all her peers cause he was an idiot and left her in control of the estate. She’s doing exactly what you’d imagine, I have to actually find friends of his to go who are confused or either not surprised. Nicely his friend’s side with me.

I don’t want to I’m at my puking point for her stuff though. I wouldn’t even show to her funeral, she wants to erase our partnership of 10 yrs because straight ppl be just stepping all over our rights if you don’t marry. We had been engaged 2 years but this was an untimely death.

Advice or thoughts?