r/trans4every1

cw for exorsexism, transphobia, discrimination

This random thought has been on the back of my head, but I will answer to myself that hell no, it won't be worth it.

If I did it, its not because of dysphoria per se.. but because I can look in a way that can confuse others, and dont wanna deal with whatever dumb problem may begin because of that.

But what if I get discriminated by it, what if an exorsexist sees that and believes I don't deserve to be treated with basic respect and makes things harder for me? Or put me in situation where my safety is in danger? Especially with medical services, what if they take me seriously even less? Or purposely mess up things for me? Or worse, encountering someone of an authority position, I'm already scared shitless of them already, imagine how I would feel when they see an X in my gender option, what if the most vile person in that type of position sees that? I dont feel protected by them, just threatened, I dont feel like any one of them sees me as a civilian to protect, on the contrary, I wouldn't believe them if they tell me its not how it is.

I feel like I will no longer be seen as a human being with feelings and needs.

My worst fear would be what if the government does a 360° and decides to make my life a living hell?

There's no way to win with the current world we live in, if homophobia, transphobia, exorsexism, didn't exist, I would do it in a beating, because of that, and because the entire government recognizes our existence too, not every country has it, you can't just ask for it, the law has to recognize it or you won't be able to change anything.

The only thing I want, is to live my life with happiness, not harm others, this world is so cruel.

So I don't believe its worth the hassle, but what do you think? Is this belief incorrect?

I am genuinely terrified of taking to my dad about being trans like he is going to shun me for that reason because he never uses my pronouns or preferred name and I feel like I can’t change my preferred name because I told him Roxane but I feel like changing it to dove. My support system disappeared when my friend stopped responding to my texts until hours or even days later and existing it with “oh I didn’t see” or “my phone didn’t give me a notification” but she gets perfect notifications from everyone else of her phone. If anyone has anything they want to say to me or ask me go ahead in the comments

With all the hate in the world at the moment, especially targeted at us, I think it might help everyone to hear some of the good things trans people have experienced lately, and maybe someone will be inspired to do a little more good.

I just got a new job and as soon as I asked for my preferred pronouns and name to be used, the manager and staff started using them. No problems, no complaints, and no transphobia.

Updating for the results of the Talk I was dreading about a week and a half ago with my parents. They responded well to me saying I'm trans, but when I said I wanna actually transition and have a new name and whatnot, they asked me to come home to talk... well...

It went poorly. My parents said God made me a woman, I'll always be one, they essentially refused to call me by any other name, they said transition is dangerous and begged me not to do it, and they said they'd look for "other solutions."

When I said "other solutions" are usually just fancy ways of saying to suppress it, they said I don't know until I try them.

My trans friends say I can separate from them, that I can get the ball rolling on changing my name and whatnot now that it won't be a surprise to them. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I just want to avoid them (my parents).

I've been having brief fits of tears ever since the US Supreme Court ruled to uphold the trans-female sports bans in WV and Idaho. But then I remembered what one of my friends told me when I first openly recognized my queer gender.

I explained to him the feelings I've had since I was 5 years old whenever I did something, or was treated in a way that leaned toward femininity, and what had just happened to tip all of that over the edge to convince me it had always been more than mere curiosity to know, for just one week, a day, for one fucking second, what it might be like to have been born a woman.

What my friend said next encapsulated all of it into the perfect three descriptors. He told me when someone experiences their gender, rather than the gender they were assigned, it's often describe as a mix of "comfort, relief and joy."

When I heard that, any questions, investigations or hesitations left me for good. Now, after the umpteenth time sitting on by bed, feeling another crushing weight inside my chest. My eyes slicked with tears. I remembered those words. But this time, it wasn't the full mix of those three words that offered me clarity. Just that last one: JOY.

There's a lot of joy to be had in living the truth of who you are. It's not always brave. It's not always a struggle. It doesn't always throw one's life pell mell or alienate us. There is true joy in this shit.

I'm not gonna let those alleged "justices" get one more goddamn tear out of me. Because I don't see much justice coming from those sanctimonious motherfuckers. But I sure see a lot of joy right here. So, that's where I'll be looking from heretofore.

This past Sunday, Illinois' Governor Pritzker signed HB 4384 into law, removing testosterone from the Illinois Prescription Monitoring Program. This bill also prevents the addition of estrogen, mifepristone, and misoprostol to the monitoring program. More than 60% of states in the US use prescription monitoring programs to track information about prescriptions and treatments - by preventing these medications from being tracked, the state of Illinois prevents the misuse of information regarding gender-related and reproductive care.

This is a big win for people receiving HRT and reproductive care in Illinois, especially for people prescribed testosterone. Governor Pritzker also signed two more bills into law, effective January 2027, that will further enshrine protections for trans Illinoisans: HB 5095, enshrining the self-selection process for gender markers on IDs, and HB 5492, requiring insurance companies to cover up to six-month supplies of HRT.

Okay so like.. Seriously. How do you get friends who are also trans?? I have one friend I’ve been friends with since we were about 1 and 2, but that’s about it.

How do you find trans people irl??

All the places around me (I live in Sweden) are usually 13-18. I’m 19 so… I can’t join them.

Sure pride events exists but like- do I just walk up to random people and talk to them??? QwQ

Help.

The news keeps saying a bunch of BS that doesn't make much sense so I wanted to ask if anyone went and if so, what actually happened?

Wasn’t sure how to tag this one 🥲

Literally just want to know the answer to the question in the title.

Sorry for the strange wording I don’t like describing it as puberty because it wasn’t to me, it’s more like a disfigurement.

If some context is needed I am a 17 year old guy, known I was a boy since 3-4 been told both my parents then and when I was around 12 I was obviously “too young to know” -_- so they never helped me.

For a few years I lived by my dad who is severely intolerant of anything different and is openly pro Hitler.

I am now living with my mother who will let me get on t after I go to a shrink and she is satisfied?

But the thing is I don’t know how long that will be and I want to prevent my body being harmed by oestrogen further.

I’ve never heard of puberty blockers being prescribed to someone my age for… obvious reasons (what more can you say when ur not the target audience) but I just want to know if it’s possible to shield myself from further irreversible damage.

I know there will probably be a lot of side effects (especially due to my age) like decreased bone density, and increased risk of other things but I would genuinely rather dealt with that than oestrogen, besides it will just be for a couple of months at most.

I know I’m probably grasping at straws here but I am so terrified of becoming further fucked, I know oestrogen probably won’t do anything to me but what if it does?

I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on if my hips get any less narrow or if my chest gets any less small, I think it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. And I don’t want a broken back.

hi, I’m Luke and this has been my experience.

hi, so I’m still waiting patiently for my
hormones. and my Dad used to say “you’re a boy when you’re done with your operation, now you’re still a girl” obviously I said no, eventually I avoided the argument purely because I was afraid that he’d hit me, again. you see 5 years ago he hit me twice because his Dad called on his birthday and I was in an argument with my cousin, his Dad is a gambling addict and only calls when he needs money. so my Dad was being manipulated. also it was 10 days before my birthday and a few months after I officially came out as trans. he kept deadnaming me, Mom too. they both didn’t understand and tried to convince me that I was a tomboy. eventually Mom learned to accept me, Dad was still the same old asshole. eventually I had to talk to my Dad and Uncle’s illegal (not legal) guardian. who is old and kept deadnaming me on purpose, kept telling me that I’m a girl. also manipulated me in “if you turn into a man, you don’t have access to your spiritual powers” and “you only want to be a man because of girls” and that’s not true, I want to be a man because I am a man. eventually after 4 years of nothing but manipulation and abuse (emotionally and physically, especially towards my Dad) I got rid of him. told him everything I thought of him and also said that if he ever dared to come near me that I’d file a restraining order against him. blocked my Uncle who supported me thoroughly, blocked my Dad and also their guardian. the entire family just so that they couldn’t try to convince me, or try to make me feel any type of guilt. and I’m proud that I did this. now I’m free. so if your Dad doesn’t support you either, have the power to stand up against him. don’t be afraid. because I’ll be here to support you through it 🙌🏾

Okay I’ve gotten the “mansplain” thing from ppl who don’t know I’m trans which is a whole separate conversation. But I got this comment from someone who knows I’m trans… like has known for a decade. Like what the fuck does that mean in this context. I transitioned in my 20’s. I can’t imagine she really believes there’s a moment I’m not aware of what it feels like to be a woman. I’m FTM in my 30’s now so it’s an odd angle to take at me. Are they just old and use to using it as a get out for accountability or am I missing something here?

I have autism so I know sometimes I miss social implications. 😮‍💨

Hey, so this is probably gonna be the last ventish post I'll ever post on here, and I mean it this time - after having this account for a year and a half and going back and forth between transitioning and repression. Here's a few updates for everyone on here, cos I think I've made improvements. I am currently working my way to making an attempt to come out, though I am still a teen struggling with coming out and social perception.

I'm finally working through my internalised transphobia - I had that quite pent up throughout my closet time, where I would absolutely refuse to transition because of stupid ideology I'd been forced through. Transition isn't linear - to be trans, there isn't a rulebook and signs can show up every single time. I still sometimes deal with these thoughts, but I've been getting therapy recently and I plan to unpack it.

I've started to get out of repression/a major depressive and burn out episode. I'm now openly coming out to some of my new friends as trans now, and I realised how much being called 'he' makes a difference! I accidentally called myself a son Infront of my mum and didn't realise, so you can kinda get the jist from that :) I'm also getting a massive urge to come out - I really yearn for a binder and to be a boy or anything but a girl, really. I'm still figuring out my identity kinda (well I mean I know it) but all my repression has made me semi numb to dysphoria - but I am starting to feel it again, along with gender euphoria!! I have realised how much I want he/him pronouns and a boy haircut along with it - maybe even t!

This is all the stuff I can remember for now, though I might add more soon! I feel like its a bit more noticeable, but I sound happier in my texting now - overall, I'm quite happy now. When I was repressing, I just couldn't stop thinking about how much I wished I was a trans guy again and that no matter how much repression I did - it just made it worse! I feel better, and happier. I just hope that eventually when things in my family get better (I've lost 3 family members in 3 months) then I will finally be able to transition.

I also need to take the time to apologise - for the last year and a half, I have posted and replied on my account like a prick - I have deflected and refused to address my issue and just stop reppressing - my anger and depression, additionally my numbness reflected in the way that I treated everyone here. I am so sorry.

​

Coming out was insanely hard. But explaining I actually want CHANGE, that's apparently where shit hits the fan.

Sent my parents an email (I previosusly came out as transgender - I got "I love you no matter what") explaining what nonbinary means, that I want to transition, that I want a new name, that I want support too. Which I feel shit for asking. For making any demands on this absolutely piercing email. one immediately responded asking if I know my birthname is an honor name. and also "hey, let's talk before you make permanent decisions." (i am in my 20s for the record)

and now they have decided to ask me to visit home to have a formal talkTM with them about it. i dont feel good about this. im very worried in fact. I'm scared. I expect nothing good. I'm scared, all. I don't know what to do to cope with this fear and with this...undoubtedly unpleasant talk. Fuck me. I've only ever wished I wasn't trans before when dealing with telling my parents. That's the only reason I've ever. I hate this. It's stress inducing. How do I cope? I thought this email would be "extras" on top of the bigger coming out news, which went well.

And if I know myself, the anxiety will manifest so physically that I will be struggling during the travel home. I can't argue at the best of times, let alone my parents both talking at me at once and likely asking me to justify myself. (Literally, whenever I've set boundaries for autonomy before, I get "why?" and I just... have no answer) Lots of "ok" from me or just "just no, I don't wanna" with no explanation.

I have plans/people to help me decompress afterwards, but right now I need to 1) cope with the mounting dread leading up to the trip home and more importantly, 2) stay in control during the conversation while being so nervous and possibly facing rejection that I typically would shut down, then get all pissed after the fact.

Advice on how to do this? I don’t want to kowtow to anxiety and just say "yeah ok" during this talk out of fear and then go "SIKE FUCK YOU" over text after I return to my home. I want to keep my head on during a difficult (likely offensive) conversation.

Any affirmations to tell myself would be appreciated too.

I've never posted to this sub before. So if needed, I'm a black transmasc enby in the States.

Not romantic, but still definitely got love in it.

Back in autumn 2020, I was 19, a gender-confused cis-ish boy, I was in a very complex toxic family situation. I also just got dumped by my girlfriend, ending what I now see years later was an unfortunate mix of circumstances leading to a toxic relationship which fortunately ended. To try to pull myself out of it, I went to university to attempt to study a "beginner-friendly" videogame programming course, while doing a part-time job as a Foodora biker. Damn, covid sucked. But I had an idea IT paid well, so I'd take a chance.

I noticed that it was so puzzling that in a course consisting of more than sixty people, only like six were obviously not men. One of them was a green-haired girl with a quiet nerdy vibe, who I'll call Elsa since it's the most common girl name in Sweden. I don't know what drew me to her, but I knew I wanted to befriend her. Elsa was very impressive as she seemed to consistently be the best at the class, while I flunked every bit, and never got much further than coding Hello World in C#. She and other people were eager to help me on some bits, but it was quickly obvious I was not cut out for the job. I compared myself to her - how the hell does someone make Minecraft mods at the age of nine?! The most I coded was to make the roflcopter vbs go schwa.

From what little I recall of the smalltalk we had, I started getting a little crush on Elsa. Like, "please take me home to you and cuddle me" vibe, nothing more, but I just like, needed it. I have a feeling she caught on, and me being 19 and being a drunk back then, I may not have controlled my feelings very well either. But we seemed to be friendly, and met up one time just before she had to take the train to her hometown.

My memory of this is vague and built from bits and pieces. The pandemic was highly traumatising for me.

When we met just outside the university, across the road from the train station, I ventilated about how I will drop out of university, I don't want to work overtime for peanuts, potentially have move to the US, and don't really know what to do next. I replaced my Foodora job for an infinitely better job as a customer service contact for a Danish company, but didn't know what I wanted to study. Elsa then asked me what I see myself working as, and being the autist I am, I said I want to work with trains.

"Follow your dreams". I don't know if Elsa really said this, but the neurons firing in my brain say that that was the vibe she gave me when she gave me her advice.

We later went to the platform, and I was introduced to her girlfriend. In my head, I went "how come I keep on getting crushes on lesbians!!!" But no, what I shared was a lil smile, an introduction, and a farewell before they both went onboard their train. I don't recall seeing Elsa again, but we talked sporadically on Discord through the winter. We eventually drifted apart. I then applied to a train mechanic school in 2021, but never got a job with trains. I went to study to be an electrician and just graduated this April.

---

Last year, when I made an account on Her after just coming out as transfem and ready to date and hookup again, I encountered a familiar face. It was definitely a former classmate of mine from gymnasium (high school) who I knew as a guy. That guy was one of my guy crushes, found him so admirable, but unfortunately he had a girlfriend who I also admired. Turns out he's a she, and out to date, so I took a chance, which as online dating goes, often goes nowhere. That encounter made me curious to search up all the memorable people in my past, to see where they are now.

It was often uplifting and depressing. Head of student housing. Working in Switzerland for a bank. Dead. Missing. Changed their name. Too many people with the same name, age, and hometown. Moved out of Sweden. Married. One detransed and returned to living as a guy, and by chance I met him in a bar! Since I have face blindness, I did not even recognise that he was my schoolmate from college this year!

I searched up Elsa. Living in the Stockholm area, and working on video games. I was so happy for her that she followed her dreams.

---

Now, I'm in a loving polyam relationship, and last night I was on a phone call with my girlfriend who is currently closer to Stockholm than I am. She and I like to show each other what our Her profiles show, and this night she just decided to raise her age limit to 26.

As soon as I connect on the screen sharing, I see the profile show something like this, which I don't exactly remember word-by-word:

- switchy domme

- petplay

- looking for cute girls to cuddle

- working with videogames

and so much more info which, gosh, this girl must be so attractive, if my girlfriend don't want her, I do!

and my face blindness only registered a green-haired girl with hot makeup and puppy ear headband

I screamed at my girlfriend "DO NOT SWIPE; HOLD RIGHT THERE" as soon as I saw the location as a town near Stockholm, the age 26, and "Elsa". I screamed so much! And so did my girlfriend, because she said she was about to swipe right!

Then she scrolls down a little bit more, and there it shows: "Lesbian, Trans Woman, She/They". I did my running gag with my girlfriends, "Many such cases!"

(in reference to my other post here which I cannot link to: HER dating app experience: I keep on unintentionally clocking trans people, but in an unexpected (and potentially cisphobic) way)

I screamed "No way! I never would have thought Elsa was trans! That's awesome she's trans too! Holy shit, I'm trans too!" My girlfriend then swiped right, and we both wished on a shooting star Elsa'd respond.

The lesson from this is BOYCOTT FOODORA. BOYCOTT UBER EATS. BOYCOTT WOLT. They are all evil companies who got lawyers to figure out every single employment law so they can get away with overworking foreign employees for tiny pay. But why should they care when the rich white Swede keeps on paying for these services?

The first one was the more painful one, broke up with my partner of 5 years because we didn't love each other anymore and both wanted other people.

He was the one to get me out of the closet, save me from my abusive cishet ex and we've been through so much together.

Thankfully we do still live together and get along very well now, and I'm so happy to be able to live our lives together and seeing them grow

Now recently my other relationship, also T4T broke up with me when I was about to do it. I had already planned solo trips around the EU to have a good summer now that I'll be without him.

I planned to do it gently and with care but he chose to do it very violently and it hurt so so bad. We were very close last year and helped each other a lot but the relationship was dying for those last 6 months.

We were both hurting each other and it needed to stop, especially after two big events, him raping me, and me going to see him while he was in psychosis even though he didn't want help.

We never really talked about either event, I tried multiple times but we already had fucked our relationship. Won't put much more details but he loved the idea of me, not me, he clearly wished I was a cis girl and it showed a lot (he wouldn't want to fck me anymore if I got phallo even though he's had a phallo and knew I wanted one)

The first relationship was 5 years long, and the other 2 years so both hurt very much and I'm just hoping that I'll find other better people. Been already chatting with someone for a month and we'll meet up soon and I'm very excited

juste wanted to vent and have some support