u/Tangled_Clouds

Testosterone has started to make my hair pretty wavy which is exacerbated whenever I use volumizing dry shampoo (which I have to use on most days because my hair gets greasy quick 💀) and I love the look. I like the star pimple patches, I feel like it adds fun to the fact my acne is pretty bad right now. That hoodie is technically a women’s hoodie I bought on Etsy but it’s my comfort hoodie now (I literally saw it in a dream, it’s a long story) and it’s even reversible so I can wear it many days without it looking like the same outfit 😄

Before transitioning, I didn’t feel dysphoria all that much, I did but it was mostly numbed by the fact I was pretty much dissociated 24/7. I had no concept of what I looked like. I never really found myself ugly or pretty because I just couldn’t really see myself at all. Now I’ve actually felt good looking and also ugly for the first time because I can actually see myself as I am. It’s so weird that I was hyped to see myself as ugly the other day, just because I could have an opinion on how I look. But I usually feel handsome on most days and that feels great ⭐️

People nowadays have no respect for the arts 🙄

We only sell them in sizes L and XL because those are the only sizes real men need 💪

uj/ Can you tell I’m bored with men’s fashion? I know like one store that sells actually interesting men’s fashion and it costed me like $140 for a few tank tops…

Why would you take away such a powerful tool from my absolutely blessed creativity? My creativity is a gift and a curse, I’m the next Picasso, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Dali, all at once! Antis are just jealous that they aren’t as creative as me. I’m such a misunderstood genius!

(with Nikon Coolpix P950)

I literally had every possible reason to be underweight all my life. And it’s to a point that one time I started rapidly losing weight due to a health issue and my body could barely afford that, I only survived because I was put on a big dose of Risperidone and I gain the weight back (and proceeded to lose some back to a moderately healthy point once I was forced to lower the dose).

Been bullied all my life for being both short and skinny even by adults in positions of power which completely messed me up. I almost had an ED where instead of trying to lose weight, I was obsessively checking that I was gaining weight and freaking out when I lost some.

But an unexpected benefit of starting testosterone was finding out it made me super hungry and I actually have hit my normal BMI (I know BMI is kinda bullshit but you know it’s still encouraging and I finally feel free from my worries for once but I’m hoping I don’t fall into different bad patterns so I’ll keep an eye on that)

Dog is a paid model at this point, he will photobomb anyway if I don’t include him because he loves attention

Please comment if you want to commission a piece and I will DM you so we can discuss the details.

I take payments through Paypal.

This hoodie is reversible! Weird story: I literally dreamt of a hoodie made in patchwork and woke up absolutely craving to own one and thought “that’s not that weird of an idea, it must exist.” So I went on Etsy and found this one in a price I could afford (and on discount!) It fits bigger than I thought but it doesn’t actually look that weird on me and anyway I’m of the opinion there are few things you can’t wear, maybe know your colours and a few shapes to avoid and the world’s your oyster!

(Hoodie from Garden Belle on Etsy)

oops! didn’t mean to send the second screenshot!

If we watch videos with animals, especially dogs, he will run to bark at the screen every single time but we somehow accidentally found out he will just stop if we flip him on his back like this lol! He will just fall asleep eventually

Each time I look back on that time, I just notice how I actually felt so empty, like something was missing but no one ever gave me the tools to conceptualize it. I still don’t know if the emptiness is fully gone today but it’s been getting better now that I can manage my various autistic symptoms and got more counselling and I’ve ended up getting top surgery and testosterone. I can actually experience genuine joy now. I spent a good part of my teen years and early adulthood in this mild constant state of dissociation it feels like and now I’m getting a clearer mind finally.

Am I gay? I identify as such, yes (it’s complicated, I’m not getting into that). Am I this almost palatable gay twink stereotype people are expecting? Absolutely not. It’s because it’s not obvious that I am scared that some specific people find out because I have a lot of “feminine” interests that makes some people raise eyebrows if I mention them (I’m a huge fan of fashion for one but I don’t dress the part because I can’t find pretty clothes that fit me so I just dress like a regular dude unless it’s cold enough for me to wear a cardigan or hot enough for me to wear a tight tank top).

It’s not gonna start talking like a drag queen because that’s just not me (no offence to them, it’s a valid way to talk but that’s just not how I talk).

It’s about, y’know… mental health… as a concept? Like uh… how women suffer with mental health. They’re so pretty, why do they have to suffer with mental health? 🥺 I know, my art is so edgy and subversive… Maybe you won’t get it.

uj/ I just saw a local artist do a photoshoot that looked like this and it reminded me that since about around 2015, drawings and pictures like this were all over Pinterest and Tumblr 😭

Edit: I feel like I need to disclose the background is a slightly modified image I got from Google, sorry, I didn’t actually draw all the skulls myself, it’s not really in my art style but I got lazy and thought that was fine for a jerk that I’m not actually gonna use as like… a portfolio piece or anything, y’know?

I get it, we can’t control what makes us dysphoric. But it’s on us not to project it on others. We can’t demand people change themselves for us or remove themselves from spaces they are supposed to be welcomed in. If cis men can be twinks, so can trans men and that doesn’t make them less of a man. I myself am not the epitome of masculinity and I don’t want to be, I love jewellery and fashion and skincare which are all things men can enjoy too, the current skincare youtuber I’m watching is a cis man!

It’s just… even despite the surgery he’s… very “active” but the thing is, I truly think… no, I know he sees his favourite plush as his partner but clearly, he needs to beat it up crazy style before humping it 😭

Like each time, without fail, he has to growl and shake it around and he even throws it as far as he can, even against walls, before running to fetch it and hump it (which he does by bunching up a blanket and holding the plush in his mouth 😭)

He’s such a weirdo, man! Twice he had ripped his plush’s arm off and he started crying, completely inconsolable and my mom and I had to sew it back so he would stop crying!

But hey, no shame in being a little freak, right? 😂 At least that’s on a plushie and not another dog 💀