Hi yall,
I was just dumped by my long term boyfriend 🙃 We’ve been together 2.5 years and met in the rooms. So… how the hell do I even handle meetings now? He goes to the ones I do. I feel like I’ll just be sobbing and distracted every meeting if we’re at the same ones. Genuinely, what do?
Hi all, if u saw my post yesterday I accidentally put his age in wrong!! Oh boy. Please bear with me on this.
Background info:
we’ve been dating 2.5 yrs, and started ring shopping late last year. we moved in together i. january. we got a cat together at the end of february.
In the last 1-2 months, things have changed a lot. He has 0 sex drive (it’s already low cause of his meds, but he just isn’t interested in my advances), he doesn’t initiate cuddling or kissing or anything. He just comes home from work and plays video games until he goes to bed. Our conversations are extremely one sided, MOST of the time. I ask about him and his day and his feelings and whatnot, but he never asks me. The last few weeks, there have been multiple days where he’s come home, and not even looked me in the eye until the next day. It’s like im not even there sometimes.
Now the current situation.
Saturday, I wake up, and he’s not there. He’s working, apparently. He didn’t mention it to me so ugh okay. Then after that he was volunteering (not unusual, something we do) he just hadn’t told me it was that day. Then he comes home, and immediately takes a nap. At this point im feeling impatient because things have been so off with us and I’ve been waiting all day to talk to him about it. I take a shower. He gets up and dressed while I’m showering, then tells me (while im showering) that he’s gonna go for a drive. Okay, I can keep waiting. it’s 9:30. 11:30, he’s not back. It’s late. weird!! I call him to check if he’s ok, no answer. I keep waiting. Now im getting a bit worried. 12:30, I call again, no answer. I text “hey! you okay?” he replies “…yes dear” ???? ok. I’m feeling pretty hurt because I was worried and he’s just annoyed. He comes back after 1. I’m upset a bit. I can’t hold in my feelings anymore and tell him i’ve been struggling and im worried and i don’t know what to do. He says he’s listening and to keep talking, but he lays with his back turned to me, and I felt like i was just an annoyance to him.
Sunday, he’s acting super cold towards me. Sunday afternoon, i asked him if we were okay, and he said “that’s a good word for it”. I do something I ABSOLUTELY shouldn’t have done, yes, I already know that. I checked his phone while he was out the room. He was texting some girl who I’ve never heard of. He had texted her last night asking if she wanted to meet up at a 24 hour coffee shop. she said not tonight. he had a 40 minute call with her. I have NEVER worried about him cheating on me. But this is just so so strange and out of the ordinary. I should t have been looking so I don’t say anything to him. Then..
Monday evening, he asks me if we can talk. I said yes. He sits on the other side of the couch from me. I ask if we can sit closer for this conversation. He said no. He asks me if I think we’re compatible. I do, of course, and elaborated on it. He said that he doesn’t think so, except for financially right now. I talked more about how I think we have a communication issue, and that I believe compatibility is more about willingness and love than about having every little thing in common. He said that he feels “tired” from “holding this relationship together” but I just don’t understand how he feels like he’s the only one working on us or what he’s even doing. He said he feels like he’s almost at his breaking point.
Throughout our relationship, he has mostly been a very good partner, which, of course, is why i left my parent’s house to get an apartment with him. We spent 2 months finding a good apartment. We’ve been ring shopping— for us both. Two months ago he came home with a list of things we’d have to plan for a wedding, and stuck it on our fridge. And now, he isn’t sure we’re compatible? This change happened so quickly in the big picture. I’m beyond crushed feeling. He did say that he still loves me and he doesn’t really want us to break up, but that he feels so tired and he isn’t sure he can do it anymore.
After that conversation, I asked him if he had the space to hug me and he did. The next morning, he kissed my forehead bye and said he loves me like he usually does before work.
Last night, he came home, barely said hi, and went to bed at 6:30. I should also say that sunday morning, I woke up with a stomach bug, so through this all, i’ve been sick constantly and haven’t been able to eat anything since saturday. I was feeling very anxious and alone about all this and just felt so sick. So i went and woke him up around 8 and basically cried, told him I know im being a baby but I feel so sick and I want my mom. Which is true. He was very nice about that. he said “Oh, baby” sympathetically and put his hand on my leg. He said “cmere” as if asking me to come cuddle him for a moment. but i said no because i felt SO sick and nauseous and i didn’t want to get him sick or start sobbing uncontrollably. I asked if he could move his car so I could go to my mom’s. He did right away. But then, never responded to when i texted him letting him know I got there or good morning this morning.
ALSO next tuesday im going out of town for a week without him. today he finally texted me back at noon and said good morning and asked when im leaving for that.. and i also told him j wanted us to talk about it all tonight because i really need a follow up conversation.
I just feel so sick. partly the nausea cause like. ain’t sick. partly im so SO stressed about this. I feel like crap. I’m so scared. I CANT stop crying and literally shaking. This feels awful and im terrified we won’t work it out.
Anyway, yikes, I am afraid. He said yes we can talk tonight. I am nervous to talk to him tonight and I’m not entirely sure how to say what I need to say and I need advice on how to go about it. The way our relationship is right now, is not working. And I am feeling very hurt and emotionally messy about it. And he is feeling very hurt. I want us to try couples counseling and I want us to have a plan about what we’re goi g to do between now and then. I’m afraid and I don’t know how to start this conversation and so feel sick and im upset
tldr;
dating bf for 2.5 yrs. serious relationship, just moved in in january, ring shopping. he’s suddenly been very cold the last 1-2 months. he says he isn’t sure we’re compatible but he doesn’t want to break up but our current dynamic is NOT working. We’re talking about it tonight and im Afraid
Edit: for whoever messages me asking what i want to talk about with him, sorry i accidentally “ignored” your message and it wouldn’t undo! I want to talk to him about the couples counseling and what our plan is between now and then and where we’re both at right now.
