I am thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend on a daily basis, but I am hesitating because I fear my past abusive relationship is causing me to think this way.
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I, 29F and my boyfriend, 29M have been together for two years. I know the cliche, but he's amazing. He's been really supportive of me, helping me get my drivers license, got me a car, pays for the gas, is always willing to help me with anything and often does so without asking. He's considerate and shows it through action. He's loved and so kind to my friends and family, being as helpful to them as to me. He's intelligent and funny, loves doing things together and going on adventures. We love spending time together and do so all the time basically.
But my problem is that he's awful at giving compliments. I'm serious. At first I thought you know, he's that type of blue collar and grew up in a loving, yet not so vocal about these things, type of family. But Ive told him so many times now. That I need reassurance, I compliment him, and all he calls me is "cute". He also calls a dog we pass by in a car "cute". I would love to feel like he's into me as well, but he does not show it that much, if at all. At least not in a language I understand.
Our intimate life is also unbalanced, as I have a much higher drive than him. Of course we go by his pace, but this also makes me feel unwanted.
I also hate the fact he follows a lot of girls on IG. Not IG models, but a lot of girls. He's very popular in our hometown, so he knows many but it's making me doubt. Like.. there is interest but it's just not directed to me?
My ex was abusive as hell. He cheated on me, followed girl after girl on IG, on tiktok, added them on snap, treated me like shit and so on. So I fear my trauma is screaming at me louder than rational thoughts. I find it really difficult talking about this with him, although I have tried. I just feel like it's not clicking.
What would you do? Would you break up? Or would you consider my past is blinding me?