1 pack instant potatoes, 3 cans tuna in water, 1 mac and cheese cup, 2 mac and cheese boxes, 1 can of black beans. Curry powder just cause. All of this came from blessing boxes around my community cos after rent is paid I’ll have less than $100 and I need that for my water and electric. Fml
I keep having dreams this week & past week that are seriously the most interesting dreams I’ve ever had. A week ago I had a dream about an acquaintance of mine being really low and hopeless over losing something. I decided to reach out and they said they’d had to give up a pet and it was really rough on them. Sort of normal.
It’s 6:55am and now I’ve just woken up from a dream that I had to attend my neighbor’s funeral after she was murdered. It was me, some high school friends, and my ex all together. One of my friends also told me that a shih tzu had also been murdered recently. No idea what any of it means. It’s like this every night.
I got Muffin when he was 4 months old from an acquaintance whose cats had an accidental litter. On the way home we had to wait on the side of the road because a crash had happened and he screamed for 30 minutes straight. As soon as we got home and he came out of the crate, peace and purring. He was my heart. When we moved into my new apartment with my boyfriend he loved it and he became even more clingy. He would sleep in between us, want to be held all the time (or he'd scream at you until you did it) and he was so lovable.
I noticed his belly was swelling and thought it was just simple constipation. My world turned upside down exactly a week ago on May 1st when they diagnosed him with effusive FIP. They told me his prognosis was good and they'd sent in a fluid sample to the lab so they could get his medicine approved. Expensive, but I'd do anything. Over the weekend he deteriorated severely and developed sores around his mouth and refused to eat. He could barely walk because the fluid was so heavy. I took him to the vet on May 5th (the first day they had an opening) and he was in organ failure. They said he was suffering and I opted euthanasia. He wasn't living, anyways. He wouldn't walk or move his paws at all. Just cry.
I haven't slept right since. The night of I stayed up until 3 am crying on the couch texting the 988 hotline. I haven't been able to sleep in my bed knowing that he won't be next to me when I close my eyes and he won't be there when I open them. He went peacefully. He purred as they put the sedative in and only stopped meowing when his eyes focused on me. I got his paw print tattooed on me. He gave me a scar months ago while we were playing and he accidentally scratched too hard. I hope that scar never goes away.
The silence is suffocating. The emptiness. We do have another cat, Chloe, and we love her. But she loved Muffin and I feel so horrible leaving the house with her all by herself. I used to come home to them cuddled together. Me and my boyfriend would lay on the couch and Chloe and Muffin would lay together too and we'd all just be close. Chloe was the type of cat who would go off and play and sleep by herself and come to you when she wanted. But now that Muffin is gone, it's like she doesn't want to be alone. She meows when we're not in the room with her. She follows us and weaves in between our legs. She wants to be held for the first time in her life.
I keep looking at cat adoption sites. Nothing can replace Muffin but the idea of Chloe sitting by herself in the house for hours just waiting to be interacted with kills me. I know that FIP is sudden but I really thought he would make it. I didn't ever accept the idea of this killing my cat. He wasn't even a year old.
My cat Muffin was 9 months old and I had to put him down. On Friday I took him to the vet because I noticed some swelling in his belly that week and thought it was constipation. They took an X-ray and said it was FIP and $445 later the vet sent his fluid samples off to a pathology lab to get the paper diagnosis. Over the weekend he deteriorated and developed sores around his mouth, had his skin with a yellowish hue and an odor.
I took him to the vet today where they took blood work and said that his blood sugar was low and he was in organ failure. They said that he was suffering and we could try to keep him alive through the night with IVs but there was no chance he would make it. I didn’t want him to suffer anymore so I opted for euthanasia. I pet him and kissed his forehead as he died. The vet gave me some ink paw prints of his so after a few hours of crying I went to my local tattoo shop and got one tattooed so he’ll always be with me.
The light of my life is forever 9 months old. Rest in peace Muffin. July 30th, 2025 to March 6th, 2026. Fuck FIP.
What makes it worse is that my boyfriend’s cat passed exactly a month earlier on April 6th because of a stroke. We only have one cat left. I’m so devastated. Our house is so empty.