u/everfadingrain

Hello, I've suspected I have ADHD for years now, but was never diagnosed.

I was only diagnosed with OCD two years ago, and periodic anxiety with episodes of depression when I was a teen. I am only given meds when these episodes happen, but nothing for my other problems with OCD and my suspected ADHD.

It's important to know I live, essentially, in the third world.

Last week at therapy, after I vented my recent issues, my therapist said some people are born neurodivergent like people with autism and ADHD, so my brain is just built different. At the end of the session I asked if there's meds that can help me, she said ADHD meds. I asked if I have ADHD and she said that she doesn't like saying diagnoses because people obsess over them. Also that I have to work the issues without meds anyway, since they are illegal in my country and there is no way to get treatment for ADHD.

On one hand I an relieved to know I had it all this time and was right. On the other hand I am furious because I dropped out of my first uni after 4 years of failing classes, and recently lost my job from my inability to focus and work when told to do so. I have all of ADHD symptoms. And I lost so many years of my life with no help, and I still can't get help.

I don't know if there is a way to deal with ADHD without meds, because I can't get and and was told that I need to learn to live with this and deal with it without meds. I am both validated, but more lost than ever.

I have both BPD and OCD so this is a nice cocktail of both, but I recognize the splitting as my BPD. I just think the topic is stupid.

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I participate in fandom and have OCs and ships, and I am mad about a fictional character ending up in another relationship in canon than the one I've been shipping and making content for. I know this is dumb, he is not real, it's all pretend. But I feel like a real boyfriend cheated on me, lol

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I am completely split, I cannot control my impulses to post and talk how much I hate this media. I also feel like I dedicated a lot of time in this fandom and now it's tainted and ruined and I will never feel happy again. I feel empty even though I know this is dumb. I am driving my actual real friends away because they still like this media and get bombarded with me hating something I loved 12 hours ago.

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It's so stupid and I feel crazy for feeling betrayed by a piece of fiction, but I can't stop being split on it. I feel like I can never go back. And worst of all sone people feed into it by coming to me to express their condolences, making it feel like a real thing.

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I don't know what to do, but I can't be alone cause I'll go crazy and my rants to friends and strangers will drive them away and make me seem crazy. I really feel like I put so much effort and love for nothing and it's tainted and nothing will ever be good again or worth loving. I know the topic might sound stupid, but I feel such genuine distress and pain in my chest.

I am at the end of my line with PCOS. I live in the third world and it's hard getting diagnosed with insulin resistence or anything similar, it took me 15 years to get diagnosed with PCOS.

I watch my calories and have been for 2 months now. Home cooked, calorie counting. I should be losing. Instead I gained 3 kg in 2 months. The only time I lost weight was when I was so stressed from work I ate under 900 calories, sone days almost nothing. I can't function like this. I am going to cry, I tried losing for my friend's wedding and only gained.

Worst of all, with my reduced eating I have scary symptoms like waking up in the middle of the night with sweat, hunger and confusion, sometimes not remembering what I was doing. My hands and legs shake all the time. I am below my maintenance, but not too much. I eat balanced, mostly meat, dairy and with my only carb being potatoes and fruits/vegetables. I should've been losing instead of somehow gaining.

I walk ~8000-10000 steps daily and do some basic exercises for 30 min with 2kg dumbells at home. And that alone makes me tired and faint, so I can't keep it up.

I really feel at the end of my line here. I don't even know what to ask my doctor for insulin resistence, what tests to do. My blood sugar is always borderline high, but my a1c was good so no one cares.