u/ezziexoxo

if you make music tell me and i will probably listen

love em or hate em, that's a fact.

blind hate shouldn't exist, it's fine if you decide you don't like the spaces here on reddit, but try to look at it with nuance, or at the very least don't brigade the subreddits and start drama.

i'm obviously pre hrt, which means i obviously don't pass, while i don't use the subreddits very much i can vent there and people will sympathize with me or share their experiences.

now, there are obviously bad things that go on over there. that's also a fact.

i've also seen more open racists on cwcl than i have countttt. and i've seen more trans men on countttt than on any other counting sub.

as much as this statement will be disputed, a good 85% of the controversial things that are said are ironic (there are people that don't use irony when saying certain things that other people do use irony with).

as well as hostility, a lot of 4tranners are in fact hostile to people in other mainstream subs and whatnot, again not gonna deny it, but that's also not anywhere near a majority.

i have no hatred towards anyone, not towards people that are gnc, not towards trans men, not towards poc, not towards any trans women, i simply live my life and experience negative emotions that i have talked about on other subreddits and got shut down.

for example, on one of the most popular subreddits for mtf people, i vented about how i was afraid that i'll never pass. and that while it's fine to be gnc, i want to look gender conforming, and i fear i never will look that way. about how i don't even want someone to have to ask my pronouns, or correct themselves like "ma'a- uh.. s- sir.. i mean, ma'am.." i would rather people just see me as a woman through and through. i even clarified multiple times, no hate to anyone, this is just what i want and what my emotions call me to yearn for.

do you know what that post received? people calling me a transphobe. people saying that i was invalidating other people and saying that i need to work on my internal transphobia. just because i was feeling dysphoric and wanted to vent somewhere. don't say that it doesn't happen, if you aren't happy not passing then you WILL get hate from people about how you indulge and further passing standards just by talking about it and how you secretly hate everyone that doesn't pass and how you don't see them as women/men.

same thing i posted on reddit on a different subreddit and i got people offering their experiences and sympathy.

le evil 4tran is not some evil mastermind. whether you personally like it or if you don't, if you're against other people spreading hate, stop spreading hate. at the very least try to be, for lack of better word, the bigger man.

-

my hrt was also paid for by a 4tranner because i couldn't afford it.

so, these for the most part are not really simple patches (DEFINATELY not the first one).

but my question more stems on the art of them feeling like they are changing inside of themselves, is this really as simple as an LFO on a comb? when i hear these sounds, it's like i hear them moving around almost, however nothing i ever make really compares to that feeling of being alive.

Sorry if this is such a weird question lol.

also feedback appreciated!