u/fancynancytancy

Speaking with a guy for about 2 months. I believe he has suppressed RJ. He is aware of it, I am aware of it. He contains it very well. He does spiral but he is able to ground himself very well. Myself 25F, him 22M.

I’ve previously told him my body count is only 1. But it is actually 3. I have started to have guilty consciousness and I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to tell him?

I’ve actually never even asked about his / cared. But I don’t want to this mess up what we have. This is really for my own peace of mind. And to build a relationship based off of facts not lies.

Thoughts?

Asalamualykum. I have been struggling with the relationship with my mother for years on end now. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall and I don’t know what to do anymore. We are completely different people.

I still live at home with my mum and my older brother.

I like to wear makeup, and wear perfume, don’t wear the hijab and go out with my friends. I know I have my flaws but Alhamdulilah I’m always trying to become a better Muslim always, and always try to make all my 5 prayers daily.

She wears the hijab, consistent with her 5 prayers, reads Quran daily, does not have friends or go out, stays at home all day, does not go to family gatherings or weddings. Allahuma barik she is amazing and I’m very fond of her iman. We have near to nothing in common.

This is just context of our lifestyles.

Whenever I call her because I need her help, she will miss the call because she was praying. The prayer might have ended hours ago but she would still be praying something. She then calls me back later but now it’s too late, I’ve figured it out.

When I want to talk to her, she will cut off the conversation because she needs to finish her daily surah al baqarah. If we do happen to actually have a conversation it always ends with her trying to lecture me about my perfume or my makeup, and we end up falling out and then we don’t speak again.

If I want to go meet my family members, she will tell me don’t go. I’m always with my female cousins and aunties. But she will always tell me don’t go, you’re sick. Or don’t go, they have a cold. Don’t go, it’s late. Every single thing I do has to have a reason why I can’t do it. Even the most innocent thing like going to my aunties house.

If I have a night shift (I’m a nurse) she will tell me why don’t you change it you’re tired.

If I go to the gym, she will tell me don’t go you might break something.

Wallahi im so sick bro I need help. We have just finished umrah together and I literally had to do a separate umrah, by myself, for the second time because we were fighting the whole time because she kept telling me what not to do or what to do, or watching me like a hawk to make sure I’m not getting irritated by the people around me and invalidate my umrah.

I am mid 20’s. I know haram from halal. I know what to do and not what to do. I can’t even have a normal conversation with her without it turning into a lecture, or it being cut short because she needs go read Quran.

She has extreme anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD. I managed to get her on medication for the anxiety but honestly she needs to up the dosage but I don’t even want to bring that up to her. I want us to go to therapy, but god forbid I bring that up — she will tell me to just make dua instead.

When with family members, I’m so jealous of the relationship my aunties have with their daughters. They all wear a hijab, are consistent in their worship but they are complete opposites of my mother.

We even met a lovely Saudi lady on the plane who was sat next to us, she was the same age as me, and we even had the same name. The whole flight my mum and her were talking and having the best time. They even exchanged numbers at the end of the flight. It just made me think that’s the type of daughter she would have dreamed of. What a damn shame she is left with me.

I left school with amazing grades, never once got congratulated for it. Went to uni and became a nurse, I just get criticised for the working hours. I can’t do nothing right in her eyes. Unless I am bowed down in prayer 24 hours a day, nothing else will impress her. I don’t care for her validation at all, it’s just what is straining our relationship.

I’ve brought this up to cousins, and other family members. They all say the same thing. Your mum is amazing, she always gives me advice when I need it, she is so sweet, she is so kind. I am physically unable to get advice from any family member because they are so blinded by how she treats them.

My dad died recently, and hasn’t been present due to his sickness for YEARS. When I was younger he was always the good cop and was able to balance our relationship out. I don’t have that anymore. My older brother is also the exact same as my mother. No friends, doesn’t leave the house at all, prays and studies. So you can imagine the way they tag team. They are both the EXACT same. Just in some bubble sat at home all day, unaware of the world, just what they’re doing. We are all complete different people.

Every single day I try to think of ways I can mend our relationship because I would be so distraught if she passed away and we never got along. I love her so much, I miss her when I’m not around. But when I am around her, my dislike is very apparent.

Any advice?