Ready to be roasted but I have an issue with my boyfriend who is black
Hello, my partner (47 M) and I (34 F) have lived together for 5 years, we have two children of 1 and 3. My boyfriend is to say the least forgetful, and I tend to ask him to do this do that in the household and remind him 50x, else it doesn't get done. He is also not the greatest with doing his admin, paying bills on time, that type of stuff. When I do ask him he kind of loses his shit maybe throws in a few insults but then does it anyway. I know it sucks for him hat I pressure him, I mean it is up to him to change plus I hate the dynamic we have, it's more parent to child which is just a big no. So yesterday I sat down, I apologised for putting pressure on him, and I asked him a huge amount of open ended questions and just listened. What I learnt is a) he knows he is chaotic but hates it when other people remind him of the fact b) he doesn't like to be called chaotic because of the racial stigma attached to it meaning black people have been stereotyped to be chaotic. Now I had no idea about this latter point, which is obv. my bad and it must be so freaking frustrating living with this shitty stereotype tacked onto you. He grew up in a predominantly white society so he faced lots of stereotypes throughout his life. My question I guess is...where do we go from here? I'm sick and tired of the situation but I also understand his perspective and I just want to be sensitive to his experience Also, I'm totally cool doing most of the household because I'm not working but I'm starting a business and I'm scared it will always fall on me....anyways any advice would be appreciated