Why does it feel like nobody genuinely likes me?
Here's a little more context since I removed some to grab your attention (sorry) I am in high school and have been recently getting to know someone after a deep conversation we had previously. We were chilling on a call, playing a game, and it all felt pretty bland/awkward, but I hang out with his group at lunch so I figured I knew him pretty well. During a longer stretch of silence, I decided to blurt out a series of satirical jokes, giggling to myself because of the cool comedian I am, and was met with straight radio silence. That's to be expected, so I kept going, pushing for a reaction, and that's when he said, "I can tell why a lot of people hate you now". I asked hey who said that, just to be met with silence. Though this wasn't that deep of a comment, I'm deeply insecure about myself because of how little many people genuinely like me. All of my friends disappeared after high school started, and I now just say hi in the hallways. So, I pushed for an answer, still half jokingly, hoping to let down his guard and he continued his silence, and muttered I was just joking man. I excused myself and returned to the call a couple of minutes later.
So this begs the question: why does nobody like me?
I don't fit in with the people around me, not getting their humour, and them not getting mine. I used to be deeply extroverted, but all these rejections have made me shell up and afraid to open up to real relationships. All my life I have been treated as the "Floater friend", always there, never chosen. I don't feel loved.
There was a time in my life when I had many friends, always hanging out, and for the most part, the hangouts were fun. All of that stopped when I stopped texting first. Months went by, and not a single text. One of my friends once suggested, "We should hang out more", and I wondered why he never asked if he enjoyed my company so much. That was the same friend I practically begged to go to the amusement park with, offering the ride, the entry ticket, the food. Am I that unlovable?
I'm tolerated but not wanted
The reason my friend's comment hurt so much is that I realized recently that there is a bit of truth in every single joke, which is why this stuck out to me. Hard.
Any advice? If nobody likes me, is that a me problem?
TL;DR: I’m a high school student who’s always felt like the “floater friend”, included, but never really chosen. I used to be very extroverted, but years of rejection have made me insecure and afraid to open up. Recently, while on a call with someone I was getting closer to, I made a bunch of jokes that didn’t land. He eventually said, “I can tell why a lot of people hate you now,” then refused to explain and brushed it off as a joke. It hit me much harder than it probably should have because it seemed to confirm something I’ve secretly believed for years.