Derailing of my Life
Im 18, diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar Type 2 and ARFID.
In just a few months I was supposed to go to college across the country at UC Santa Barbara. I am from New York and I worked so unbelievably hard in school to be accepted into, what I thought, was everything I ever wanted.
Three nights ago I broke down in a crying fit to my parents and I told them I have no idea what I want in life.
My BPD presents in the “quiet bpd” classification as some people call it, the majority of my symptoms are internalized thoughts rather than the annoyingly stigmatized reactions people expect from people like us.
Anyways, I fear that, unfortunately due to my mental health state and my lack of eating hence the recent ARFID diagnosis, I am no longer able to go to college.
I just feel so lost. I worked so hard to go to college and to be like everyone else, but It just feels like I never really wanted any of this. Everything I do just feels like work, I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests, and I don’t enjoy my families company that much. I’m just so lost. All I do is go to work and come home and repeat.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is my life off track for good? I don’t even know why I’m upset about this because I don’t even want to go to college, but I’m so afraid that not going will permanently bar me from making any friends because the place I live currently is dead and gloomy.
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