My 29 f bf 30 m thinks me wanting him to communicate when he’s leaving is controlling
TLDR: my bf thinks me asking him to communicate when he’s coming and going from our home is me not wanting him to have a life. We have a small child and a baby on the way and I don’t feel respected as a partner.
For context I am currently 5 1/2 months pregnant and also have a daughter from a previous relationship who looks at my bf as a dad. We have known each other since we were kids and dated in high school so we have lots of history. One big issue we have is my bf always randomly springing on me that he’s leaving. He sleeps at my house 7 nights a week but keeps things at his parent’s house 5 minutes away and claims he doesn’t technically live with us but that his goal is to fully move in with us. We have a lot we are working through and are currently in couples counseling to try and get right for our older girl and the baby on the way. One reoccurring issue is that he will be home with us and randomly say oh btw I’m leaving right now. It has happened when I was in bed after puking my brains out or in the middle of a Saturday that we were supposed to spend together. He is always leaving to go back to his parent’s house to do laundry (I wash his laundry at my house) or watch a game, or go smoke with his dad, spend the night with his mom etc. We are talking at length about how we are a new family unit and this is his priority and he claims to feel strongly about that. I tell him it feels like he brushes us aside and acts like he can come and go as he pleases without communicating like he’s my roommate. He says since he’s a grown man and has a key it shouldn’t matter when or why he leaves and thinks that because I want him to talk to me that I want to control him and make sure he has no life outside of me. I told him that’s not true- I have a really full life outside of him with lots of friends and family and plans, I just want to feel like a partner and not a maid/ roommate. Today he had to work later. He is blue collar and works a hard job and we talked and I told him I would have dinner for him when he got home and asked him to grab 2 things from the store on his way home. He walked in and sat right down to a hot meal. Two bites in he says “btw I’m leaving you guys right now”. He decided he’s going to his parent’s place to watch the World Cup and be with his mom because she texted she wanted to spend time with him. I told him that him not saying anything to me and popping in to eat and leave doesn’t make me feel good. He said he knew I would be like this and I’m controlling/ it’s last minute plan and that’s how it goes sometime but that he did communicate because he just told me he’s leaving. We argued (not yelling just clearly unhappy) and my daughter got upset and told him she didn’t want him to leave. He told me this relationship clearly won’t work because my standards are impossible and I told him anyone would be bothered by his actions. I’m so tired of saying the same thing. Maybe it’s the hormones or maybe it’s the frustration but I told him if he was going to walk out and not talk to me that he can’t come back and I hope a soccer game and dinner with his mommy is worth it. He said something as he was walking out I didn’t catch and left. Is my anger justified or am I just sensitive and overreacting?