u/flowerbitch05

hi! i am planning on moving into an apartment in san antonio next year. ive been looking at apartment complexes ~10 mins away from campus, can anyone give any advice on which ones to avoid?

Hello, reddit. I am in need of some advice on how to talk to my mom about my dad. My mom and dad have been together for 24 years, they both love each other very much. However, since around the mid-2010s, my dad has devolved into. frankly, a useless asshole. I'm personally done with him, in fact when I was in my junior year of high school my mom and I would talk about her potentially leaving him. She later said that they talked and he would improve, which he did for about a year or two before backsliding to even worse than before. She does not want to give him an ultimatum since she believes that if its come to that, she may as well leave him altogether and she still loves him. But he is not improving and she is becoming more and more stressed and worn out by the pressure of picking up his slack.

Here is a list of the major offenses:

1. He has a video game addiction. We can all see it except for him, all he does when he gets home from work is sit on the couch and play video games before having dinner, resuming video games, and then going to bed.
2. In the same vein as 1, he does not do any house/yardwork, instead leaving it all to me, my mom and my sister (16F). He will cook about 2 days out of the week, but he his favorite things to make are one pot meals. Now there is nothing wrong with one pot meals, we normally love them, but he will make a one pot meal using this gigantic 2ft-wide pan he found. This causes us to have too many leftovers for us all to eat. We will literally eat those leftovers for lunch and dinner for a week straight and there will still be more of it. Since we can't eat all of it, about half of it goes to waste. We can't do it anymore. It's become even more dire since it's become a waste of money and not just food.
3. On top of that, when we cook, if we make something he doesn't like he will buy frozen oven pizzas, or other frozen meals to eat for himself. Another waste of money, and also hypocritcal since me and my sister used to get reamed out and screamed at when we didn't want to eat what they made for dinner.
4. Speaking of wastes of money, he will begin projects or plans, spend a bunch of money we don't have to spare, use the stuff he bought for 2 weeks and then abandon it. This is aggravating since a) we have been trying to get rid of things in the house for years, but he keeps bringing more junk in and b) the money thing, we can't afford him spending on whatever he wants.
5. For the past 8ish years, he's had bad employment. He would jump between jobs that gave him no benefits and paid him under the table. He finally has a semi-stable job now, which he's had for the past couple years. He works a maintanence job on a pier near us. However, he has to take a bunch of time off (unpaid) due to a back injury he got while in the Navy (he was an engineman), causing us to lose money when he doesn't work. My mom has used her connections to find similar but higher-paying jobs with benefits that would give him sick-pay or PTO. Everytime he has rejected it. I remember recently she set up a interview for one of those jobs with a friend's husband where all he had to do was show up and he'd be hired. On the day of the interview, he never even left the house.
6. A chunk of his bad employment was actually him being unemployed. During so my mom was working nights at the hospital, going to school during the day, doing housework, and making sure my sister and I were getting where we need to go. She was so busy and so stressed that she had a heart health scare that put her in the hospital for a few days. During this time, he was barely looking for work. He finally found a job at the pier he works at now after being unemployed for a year and a half.
7. He lets my mom carry all of the mental load. He will ask her about when the rent is due, if we have enough for groceries, what groceries do we need, when are we doing laundry, etc. Nevermind that he is also an adult and can look and see for himself. He puts it all on her.
8. He's not present with me and my sister. I think he was when we were younger, but once we both hit middle school, he stepped back and stopped trying to engage with us. We have some interests in common but he'll never want to talk about it for very long. He makes no effort to talk about our interests at all. I remember once beginning a conversation with asking him about a game I played. In response, he sighed like he was annoyed he had to talk to me and flatly said "no." Upon further reflection, I think he was playing a video game when I asked him. My mom lost her job in February (she has since picked up a bunch of odd jobs and started a CPR training business through our local community college) and she called me at university one day and apologized. When I asked what for, she said for never realizing how bad it was at home with just him and us. She was finally home enough to see how when he comes home he goes straight to his room or he hops on a video game. No engaging with us at all. She reflected with me on when she would come home in the mornings after work, or stopping at the house between classes to sleep and my sister and I would both meet her at the door and just talk her ear off. She'd get overwhelmed and snap at us more often than not. She apologized and said she finally realized why we would do that. Because no one else would talk to us.

There is porbably more that I'm not thinking of right now, but these are the major points. I think it's time for her to move on. I think deep, down maybe she does too. She has constantly told my sister and I that a good partner doesn't act like dad does. She even says that she knows that she'd be okay on her own. But how can I make her see that she'd be better on her own? I have no idea what to say to her to get through to her that its time for the ultimatum because no amount of "putting it nicely" will make him change.

help pls anyone who is well versed in the musical, i am in desperate need of help. i've been listening to the highlights deluxe edition on spotify and i have a couple questions. 1) am i missing anything with this version since its only the highlights 2) if yes, where else can i listen to another version 3) who is what character, im not finding anything online detailing who plays who 4) what are the storylines the characters go through, im a little lost just listening

thank you for any advice given, i am aware of the proshot we can rent now but i dont currently have $20 to spare lol