u/fofolove90

Are we good? Are we feeling better? Are we feeling complex feelings?

Art credit: Jmoonjones

I know when it comes to Nesta she’s divisive in this fandom. I personally wanted to make a dedication to her for my mental health. My anxiety has been torturous for the past week and to top it off I’m haunted by an unwanted suitor who ruined a fun Saturday night for me with by not respecting my boundaries and wouldn’t leave me alone even though I told him how uncomfortable I was with him.

Anyways, initially I couldn’t stand Nesta she seemed acerbic for no reason. Same for Elain. But as the series progressed and she was forcefully turned into Fae, the inner circle did what they could to comfort them and help them and she was still stand offish. I was like “girl it cost nothing to be nice”. Also there’s a reason why the inner circle was more than willing to work with Elain because Elain eventually warmed up to them.

Then the infamous ACOSF came. Again, I’m aware of the divisiveness of this book for multiple reasons but I just want to focus on how I read and what I got from it. No I don’t believe it made Rhysand appear more villainous. I’m fully aware that all the characters in the book aren’t exactly saints. They are nuanced and complicated.

At least the way I see Nesta, she was insecure and self hating (a feeling I know too well). She hid all that by a mask of vitriol and eventually substance abuse and sex. I did that before and it’s part of the reason why i’m 9 years celibate. It hurts when I see Nesta “stans” supporting this by saying “she didn’t do anything wrong” or “she’s just having a ho phase” or “she’s entitled to Rhys money and can do whatever she wants”. I personally think if you care about her character you wouldn’t think that especially when she canonically said she used sex and alcohol to hurt herself because she felt worthless. Then the inner circle interfered and I’m grateful for it. Thanks to them she met amazing friends Emerie and Gweyn, has a house in the form of a sentient mother figure, and came into her power.

Another touchy subject in this fandom, Cassian. I personally believe that her Cassian are a perfect and beautiful match. They both messed up and did each other wrong but you literally cannot expect a relationship to be like Disney. They brought out the ugly of each other and beauty as well.

Suffice to say A Court of Silver Flames is by far my cathartic read. I never read a book that made me cry as much as it did and I’m looking forward to my first reread of it sometime soon. Nesta is a badass. I relate to her as the eldest of my siblings, self hatred, and unworthiness. Hopefully I can find my strength and someone who loves me like Cassian (although I’m a Rhysand girlie lol).

I do not agree with the infantilization of her character that the other fans do. I’m able to look at the perspectives of all the main characters and aware of their complexities.

Edit: May I find the strength to overcome my depression and anxiety and to defend myself against men who don’t take no for an answer.

Art Credits: flavie5dub & inkfaeart

One of the stressful things about this fandom’s is the constant bickering and pitting one sister against the other. The need to tear one down to lift one up. They’re all heavily flawed but also traumatized before and after the cauldron. Also having neglectful parents didn’t help. I personally appreciate each sister in their own way. My hope in the next 3 books is that they build their relationship, continue to heal, and fight and defend together.

Photo Credit: Jmoonjones

I love how this is so them

Credit: Silketara

I keep looking at these in my phone and wanted to share.

Credit: Aerospaintbrush

Art Credit: IG WhatisaMettafor

Credit: @insania_artwork instagram