u/foreverunloved2

My fiancé (30M) has had a problem with porn for a while now and two days ago I caught him watching porn while he was at work for context we have a box of all of our old devices and he has an old phone in there that he’s still logged into google on so I was able to see what he was looking at and right before my eyes it disappeared when he got home that night he told me that he didn’t know what to tell me and that if he did look it up he said he would talk to me so he didn’t do it. I (25F) am 20 weeks pregnant and I was so exhausted I didn’t have the energy to fight about it so I just said okay.

Well last night we were cuddling in bed watching a movie that he loves and was the one who showed me this movie when the first part of the movie was over (meaning we had to switch to the second CD) he asked me for a blowjob I told him I was gonna eat something and then we would see I was trying to be sexy and mysterious about and I joked that if he was good it would happen (I’ve been trying to bring back our sexual spark for a while) we went outside to smoke a cigarette and I noticed that I was almost out I told him not to worry about it and I could just run to the store in the morning.

At first he was just telling me he would run up to the store real quick then when he got back we would finish our movie I told him I didn’t want him to go and to not worry about it and he got angry and told me he was going no matter what I told him if he was trying to do something nice for me that it was completely ruined he said he’s not and if I kept going on he would just leave without talking to me about it.

I asked him if he could at least see how this looks and he said oh yeah I’m going to go fuck somebody at the gas station the way he said it I knew he was being sarcastic And he left when he got back I was upset and trying to get him to understand that if the roles were reversed and I acted like that about leaving at 230 in the morning he would think I was doing something bad he said that he didn’t want to hear about it anymore and I didn’t stop talking about it he was going to leave again.

What blows my mind is this behavior was completely out of pocket he has never spoken to me like that and leaving without telling each other has never even been a thought that crossed my mind. For more context weonly have one car and our 8 month old daughter was asleep so I couldn’t have just gone with him

I don’t know if my saying not right now about the blowjob had anything to do with it I don’t know what happened or why he got so angry thank you for taking the time to read this I really appreciate any advice because I got whiplash from him acting like that

For context we have been together for almost 2 years we have an 8 month old daughter and our son is due in November. He works as a cook 30-40 hours a week and i stay home with the baby. financially we have been struggling we’ve been trying to save up to buy his old trailer back for a couple months now. August is the cutoff when the people living there said they will sell it to someone else if we don’t have the money.

He has two older children from a past relationship (10m) and (9f) and we’re currently living with his parents. We were supposed to get close to 7 grand for taxes but his ex got every cent for back child support. I don’t blame him for that happening but we needed to figure something out. Lately he is glued to his phone when he’s home. On his days off he’s on his phone from the moment he wakes up until we go to bed or lay down to watch a movie. I feel like he’s checking out not specifically from our relationship but from life itself

Yesterday we had our 20 week ultrasound where we got to actually see our son and get the stuffed animal with his heartbeat. We had a sitter for our daughter for this appointment. When we got in there I motioned for him to come sit in the chair that’s next to the table I was laying on and he shook his head. (The chair did not look comfortable at all so it was fine) but as I was talking to the ultrasound tech I looked over and he was on his phone. Throughout the entire 40 minute ultrasound our son had yawned and crossed his legs and my fiancé didn’t catch either one because he was on his phone.

The rest of the day anytime I tried to get a kiss that was more than a peck he would sigh and then kiss me. I asked him for help up a couple times because I was hurting (this pregnancy is seriously messing up my hips and lower back) and he got visibly irritated at my request

I love this man with all of my heart and I’m only making this post in hopes that someone might have some insight on what could possibly be going on and if there is a way for me to help him. Please don’t tell me to leave him because that isn’t helpful and quite frankly not an option. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond

TDLR fiancé (30M) had been short tempered with me (25f) at our ultrasound didn’t get off his phone the whole time

My (25F) fiancé (30M) has a pretty significant porn addiction it came to light right after our daughter was born. That was eight months ago eight months ago I found it on his phone and asked him about it said it wasn’t a big deal and he would stop over the last eight months we have been in multiple seriously ugly fights over his addiction the first fight we ever got into over it. I was still freshly postpartum. I ugly, cried and got on my knees and begged him not to do it anymore I explained to him that I hated my body at that time more than I ever have in my entire life. I told him that I didn’t feel like the warrior that he was calling me for having our daughter as early as i did.

He held me while I cried and lied to my face he did it again afterwards the next time he actually promised me that he wouldn’t do it again later that week we were on a date at a Day Spa and he forgot his lock so I put all of his stuff in my locker when we were getting out he got a notifications on his phone. I saw it waited until we got to the car and told him I saw it. He got defensive and told me that all married men do it and asked that do I expect him to be better than everyone else, I told him yes because he expects me to be better than everyone else too just in different ways and he told me he wouldn’t do it again for a third time next time I caught him. I saw his phone clear as day in his search history.

It was all the same girl and he looked me dead in my face and said he didn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me to fight about it anymore. I said OK knowing damn well that was a lie. Later that day he asked me what was wrong. I told him I know you’re lying to me and he said that he just doomscrolls it and he doesn’t even get himself off to it since then now I haven’t seen anything on his phone, but I’ve honestly stopped even looking but today, this morning I opened his phone for a split second when I opened his Google Chrome something was there then it was gone in no time he was there for a second like it was trying to load it up, but then it didn’t.

There’s nothing on his search history nothing anywhere I don’t wanna ask him about it cause if I’m wrong then it’s just gonna start a fight where there doesn’t need to be one I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with our son

I’m too scared to leave because I don’t think I could do two under two by myself. I also don’t wanna be the reason our family breaks up. I love him and even if he has stopped, he says he has I haven’t seen anything on there for a while. But today just reopened all those wounds. Even If it was nothing I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m honestly just so tired of all of this I don’t know what to do.

This is a throwaway account because I dont want people we know to see this. I F(25) and my boyfriend M(30) have been together going on 2 years we share a 6 month old daughter and I am currently pregnant again I honestly don’t know where to start our daughter( my first child) was born severely premature and I had to have an emergency c section I had to stay in another town for the entire time she was in the NICU dealing with severe postpartum depression/ anxiety my boyfriend well call him Matt had to go back and forth from our home town and the one that our daughter was hospitalized in.

When we finally got to bring her home I was paranoid and delusional we were unaware at that time but I was slipping into postpartum psychosis. Anyway one day I had grabbed Matt’s phone to call my phone because I couldn’t find it and I saw that he had a website pined to his Home Screen that was never there before so I clicked on it and well it was porn. When I asked him about it he claimed it’s always been there and that it’s just porn. I had bawled my eyes out to him because him watching porn of women that looked absolutely nothing like me while I was already in a fragile mindset was not a safe combination I had told him that I was already more self conscious than I had ever been in my entire life right after having the baby and he told me that porn is a “change of pace without cheating” and I had asked him do you need a change of pace? He got very angry with me and stormed out of the house.

When we came back to the conversation he was still angry but said he would stop I believed him and that was my mistake when it happened again I didn’t let myself to get as upset as I did the first time (I had also been placed on a temporary medication to balance my hormones out between the first time and the second and they worked) the second time I caught him we were on a date the first date night we had had since our daughter was born and he got a notification from his email that was clearly sexual in nature so I opened it on the car ride home I didn’t yell I didn’t cry I just asked him will you please not lie to me not telling me something that you know will hurt me because it will start a argument is lying he said that all married men look at porn and asked if I expected him to be better than everyone else in the world we talked and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Then a couple days later I got a gut feeling to look through his search history and it was there again.

He claims that he doesn’t masterbate to it and that he just doom scrolls these sites at that point in our relationship he had never blatantly lied to my face/ broke a promise it happened a few more times and I started to feel disconnected from him in ways that scared me our sex life was still active but it was very different and I felt like he wasn’t with me in the moment he would stare at my vagina while he was having sex with me when before he would look me in my eyes the entire time he also started wanting to do a position where he couldn’t even see my face and he wanted that position every time it made me feel so small and like he wasn’t even really there the few times we did it in a different position where we could look at each other’s faces he would close his eyes and keep them closed even if I told him to look at me. More recently he had said that he didn’t even realize when he went onto those sites and it “just happened” the last time I found it it was the same creator that he had looked at before and I asked him if it was something about her specifically that he enjoyed more than being intimate with me.

He immediately threw it back at me saying if this is a dealbreaker then why are we still together and yelled at me to leave. When he calmed down he told me that he didn’t go onto that site that time and he knew it was hard to believe but he didn’t then later he changed his story and told me that he didn’t remember going onto it and that sometimes he just finds himself on porn sites he also said that that wasn’t the only time since we had talked about it last but that he had deleted his serve history to prevent a fight. It’s been almost a month since that last conversation happened I’ve only looked through his phone twice since then and haven’t found anything I asked him the other night how he was doing with the porn thing and he got really angry with me and said that me bringing it up reminded him of it and made it harder for him not to do it.

I am pregnant again now and I have a gut feeling he’s doing it again but I honestly don’t have the energy in me to handle finding it again. He refuses to go with me to couples therapy even though my insurance will cover it and he will not go independently because he dosent have insurance I don’t know what to do I’m on edge all the time and I feel like I’m losing my mind any advice is welcome

I’m sorry this post is so long I haven’t talked to anybody about any of this because I don’t want people we know seeing him differently thank you in advance for anyone who reads this and is willing to give me feedback