u/g0thkitty_

so i used to be a dating app addict and it’s been years since i found them vaguely worthwhile being on again. i thought it would be fun to change locations and see what the queer women are like around the world and y’all…why is hinge 95% dorky white women like where are the fellow baddie poc women at??? i’m an arab woman and also goth-leaning (i’m goth but i dial it down for hinge) and i’m not meaning to be crass but most of the women are just really not people who’ve put any effort into self-presentation. i often tell my friends dating apps are like being in a clearance bin and now after one day i’ve deleted it again because i’m not about to be some woman’s daughter’s new “exotic experience” or 0-100 lovebomb nightmare situationship. i just want to know where my fellow baddies are hiding, it’s hella lonely out here and i’m looking for my wife 🌟

didn’t think i could be the whole package with a phat a$$ and still be so utterly single but here we are !!!!

okay this one really sucks because i didn’t want to believe this was true but i think it is. i’ll try to be short. i have a bit of an online persona on tiktok and instagram, insta not so much but tiktok i have 15k followers and i discuss topics that fascinate me at length, things like comphet, lesbianism, psychology, dating etc. i’m also poc and goth and pretty out there in terms of how i present online. i was really vibing with a girl i met irl and we were getting along so well face to face. but now i’m starting to notice she’s pulling away and something tells me it’s because she’s put me into that pedestal status that so many white women i’ve befriended or dated put me into.

then slowly but surely, their behaviour goes from super keen to super awkward and stunted online. it’s happened countless times with lots of white women particularly, and it hurts every time. i’ve tried to be so lovely and gentle with her as she’s told me she’s got bpd (but is in intensive therapy and can hold down a stable job and has lots of healthy friendships) but now i’m realising it’s not about that it’s about how confident and self-assured i am. welp. what a tragic reality. anyone relate?

as someone with adhd and ocd, i find that i can’t relate with many things that people with more severe forms of adhd do in friendship. because for me, it’s real and intentional for me the entire time. I see the friendship as true, and i never take the vulnerability of what people share for granted. the 0-100 trauma bond / dopamine hit type intensity, then realising it was just that for them and not anything deeper, when you’ve invested intentionally and to you it actually meant something, i’m so tired of it. i can’t relate with the forgetting to text your friends back, the immediate attachment then the slow fade because they don’t feel as excited anymore and realise the friendship requires genuine intimacy and depth. has anyone else experienced this?