Day 21, I need encouragement
Hello everyone.
21 days ago I (F36) decided to join my husband in a 3 months long break from weed. It’s going ok so far, no night sweats, no nightmares, no insomnia. Tbh it’s going easier than I anticipated.
There are days when I really want to smoke but I don’t on principle. I said that I would do 3 months without smoking and I will.
My problem is that without weed the underlying reason for smoking has become more apparent. I do not enjoy life. I have never really enjoyed it. I remember talking myself out of unaliving myself when I was just 12. I’ve done 5 rounds of antidepressants since then. Yeah, they worked. Also therapy helped. I don’t think about unaliving myself everyday anymore, I’m not suffering from crippling anxiety anymore. I’m well adjusted in life, I enjoy my job, I have enough money, I live an easy and stress free life. I have hobbies, I have friends, I have pets.
But the underlying current of general misery is still here. I feel like I’m just riding a first class train to the grave. Should I just accept it? It feels like I’ve done enough to improve my situation, more therapy or pills won’t do anything. Should I accept that I’m not a happy person in general and just ride the train enjoying my relatively comfortable seat?
Any insight is appreciated. Thank you for reading.