u/gallowsfever

Hi! I’m sorry if this is a dumb or inappropriate question, but I’ve been trying to find a clear answer to this and Google keeps giving me completely different explanations, so I’d really rather hear from people who actually practice or study astrology.

My friend is an astrologer and she’s gotten me interested in astrology, but lately I’ve started questioning whether she’s presenting it accurately. She is very adamant that everything in a birth chart is basically “set in stone” and that certain things in your chart are inevitable and cannot really be changed or avoided.

She has a list of astrology observations that she uses and has gone through a bunch of them with me. Some of the things she’s told me have genuinely freaked me out because they don’t resonate with me at all, and she insists that I’m basically just refusing to accept what my chart says about me.

She has also made some pretty specific claims about my romantic and sexual life (which is one of the main reasons as to why I’m so uncomfortable and having so much anxiety around this question). One of the things she told me is actually a hard boundary for me and something I absolutely do not want, but she kept telling me that it’s “in my chart” and that I need to accept that it’s something I’ll eventually want or experience. She’s also a very sexual person herself, so I’m starting to wonder if some of her interpretations are influenced by her own personality or beliefs rather than astrology itself. She’s the type to peer-pressure or call you boring, vanilla, etc for not doing certain things.

I’m especially uncomfortable with the idea that a birth chart could supposedly override my own feelings, choices, boundaries, or free will. If I know that something is a hard boundary for me and I have no desire to do it, can astrology really override that and say that I’ll eventually want it or experience it?

TL;DR / So my question is: Is astrology actually considered deterministic/set in stone?

I’m 22F and he’s 24M.

From the very beginning of our relationship, I was completely honest about my views on sex and my boundaries. I’ve never been a very sexual person, and I’m not into kink. I brought it up early because I know sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, and I didn’t want either of us to end up resentful or hurt later on. I told him that if the kinds of things he wanted were important needs for him, he needed to be honest with me because I couldn’t promise I’d be able to give him those things. He told me he understood, that it wasn’t a problem, and that he was completely okay with my boundaries.

Now, though, he’s upset because I won’t do certain things he wants during sex. There are some acts that I know I don’t want to do, and I don’t feel like I should have to “try them first” to know they’re not for me. For example, I don’t want to be slapped in the face, spat on, degraded or insulted, or have anything anywhere near or in my asshole. Those things are simply not appealing to me, and they never have been.

I have already compromised on some things I wasn’t comfortable with, like being tied up, even though I absolutely hate it. I only agreed because he kept complaining and pushing the issue. But he still says I’m being unfair because I won’t do the other things he wants.

His main argument is that I can’t know I won’t like something if I’ve never tried it. But I don’t think that’s true. I don’t need to experience something that already makes me uncomfortable to know I don’t want it. I know my own boundaries, and I don’t think they need to be tested just to be considered valid.

What really hurts is that it feels like my wants and comfort don’t matter. The focus is always on what he wants, and when I say no, he calls me selfish and says I’m not compromising enough.

edit: Thank you all for your comments, advice, and support. After reading everything and reflecting on the situation more, I’ve decided to end the relationship. I appreciate everyone who helped me see things more clearly and reminded me that my boundaries and comfort matter. 🫶🏻