How can I look more feminine, and any advice regarding my situation would be appreciated
Well, I hope I chose the right name. As the title says, I'd like to look more feminine, but I have a lot of doubts.
I don't want to bore you with my whole life story, but to give you some context, I was born with a medical condition (motor disability, intersex without genitals, XY karyotype; I hope that doesn't affect my posting in this forum). I was raised as a girl and lived happily that way, but I do remember playing with typical girls' toys as a child, but also with boys' toys. As I grew up, reality came into play, and my parents and doctors told me the truth. I decided to be and act like a woman (somewhat masculine, to be honest, but from a masculine woman's perspective) and not take hormones (even though my parents supported me), for many reasons and my own fears (side effects, content from trans people warning about the effects), in addition to my medical condition (it wasn't a doctor's decision, it was a personal one). All my clothes are feminine; I only occasionally buy something masculine, and when I do, it tends to be in feminine colors or very flashy. I feel too old at 31 to consider such extreme changes in my life again. I like being recognized as she/her (I hate when they call me he/his, but I don't say anything, I just put up with it), but as I get older, it's more difficult, or almost impossible, to pass as a woman unless I correct people, and that bothers me a lot. My voice on the phone often sounds feminine, and that gives me a lot of euphoria. Even with some facial hair and without much grooming, I've managed to pass as cis-passing in public. Lately, the idea of hormones has been coming back to me more, more because of society than me, or so I think.
My body is a topic of discussion. I've adapted to it (despite my disability, I don't really know what it's like to live as an adult woman; I'm still stuck in a girl-girl/feminine adolescent mode, so to speak. This doesn't make me too uncomfortable, but it does cause me some doubts). There are certain things about my body that I don't quite like, but overall, I'm 75-80% happy with it (I have very little body hair, mainly on my legs; my arms literally look like a woman's). What I don't like is that sometimes I see other girls on the street and I feel envious of them, wanting to look like them—all Barbies or stereotypical women—or sometimes like other guys. Sometimes I think I fit more into the non-binary or genderfluid category, but I definitely have a tendency towards femininity. I can't choose a completely feminine style because I don't know what it's like to live as a woman, and even though the idea of having some breast tissue doesn't bother me, I'm afraid I'll regret it... (I don't want surgery because of this; I've already been through so much due to my disability that I don't want to risk it with cosmetic procedures. For now, I'm only looking for superficial treatments: laser, external fixation, maybe hormones). And I can't definitely choose the masculine side either, because I feel like I would be giving up a part of myself that I like, and as I grow up I keep losing it, and that gives me a lot of internal dysphoria, not about my body, but sadness.
My face is my problem. I hate taking pictures of myself, I hate mirrors, I think my dysphoria is in my face and not my body. I don't like how time passes and it becomes more and more masculine (I'm afraid of aging like this; I don't want society to perceive me as gay, effeminate, a femboy, or anything like that. I don't really like labels; sometimes I just want to be myself and be treated as feminine). My personality has always tended to be primarily feminine, but as I grow older, certain masculine behaviors appear in me (besides the changes in my face). (I think it's also due to my environment, besides the obvious: my family is all men, and my mother passed away five years ago.) I like some of these behaviors, but others I definitely can't stand.
As a final note: I'm in therapy and receiving psychological support. I have depression, anxiety, and problems with alcohol (I'm working on it). I probably also have ADHD and autism. I never wore makeup as a child, and I find it incredibly tedious to put it on. I never liked styling my hair much as a kid; only my mom did it. When I entered adolescence, I started wanting feminine things, which seemed so strange (because I should have been attracted to masculine things, but it was the other way around). I didn't tell anyone; I just kept it to myself and suppressed it. Now I've just come out for the second time as trans and lesbian, although I'm having doubts (if we can even call it that, even though my family already suspected it). I'm considering laser hair removal for my face and using certain typically feminine products like creams and hygiene products, but I don't see it as enough. I'm not feminine enough for society, and I'm not brave enough to keep questioning hormones, accepting them, or making changes to my hair or makeup. It's too difficult for me, but I do want to look more feminine.
My sexual orientation is mostly towards women, but lately I'm not so sure anymore. I'm starting to find certain men attractive, or I don't know. I should clarify that my lack of genitals and my disability have meant that at 31 I'm still a virgin and literally have zero experience in that area, even though I had a long-distance boyfriend and a couple of online girlfriends. My sexuality isn't about genitals, but about fetishes.