r/intersex

I am a perisex trans men pre all. I have a young brother of 12 yo and I suspect that he may be intersex and I fear for him about how our parents will react.

My lil brother have been born with some fingers more, and he needed to do a lot of surgeries. He had surgeries to put his two balls down at 5 or 3 if I ain't wrong (I can understand that, because if it is not put down there is a high risk of cancer), circumsion and that is the most weird part for me:

I am pre all, so it is not weird to me get suicidal or extremely depressed, kinda out of control. The gyneco prescribed me BC and antidepressants, I bought them alone and hidden bc my mom didn't bought for me when I asked. When she found, she started telling me and giving a sermon about hormones, how you can't put it in the body, that is going to give you cancer and she told the same about antidepressants. That we should go find another gynecologist (that would be the third, and she never took me)

But here is the question, when my brother just did 10 yo, the endo, ONLY ONE, SHE WOULDN'T GO ASK TO ANOTHER. BUT FOR ME I NEEDED TO SEE 3 DOCTORS? THERE IS SOMETHING PRETTY WRONG AND HYPOCRITE HERE), prescribed 2ml of Deposteron once for month during 3 months. I was envious and angry, how could he just got T while I was 18 and I couldn't and that would be a sin (I didn't thought about the possibility of him being inter)? But at the same I knew that there was something weird. I remember to read in school books that the puberty of cis perisex boys could start at 10 to 14, so why all the rush to give T to a boy that just have made 10 yo, almost in the same month, it was not even 10 to 11. I remember talking to my mom about how he could be intersex and she just told something that I was being affected by gender ideology.

He is going to do a chromosome exam this 30th of this month or in August, according to my mom is "to see if he has any syndrome" and she told me "if there is something he will still be our X". I am so anxious. Probably she and the church are not going to tell him that he will go to hell or some shit like that (or my mom will not think that he choose), it kinda makes me want to breathe a lil bc this shit traumatized me, but I fear what will happen to him. I heard the church once using the argument that intersex people are some kind of biological error and also using it to justify transphobia. Two shits at once.

I pray every night and all the time to my siblings being all straight, cis, perisex. I don't want any of them going through the same hell that I went because of my family and evangelicalism.

I don't know how she is going to feel or react. She should explain and tell to him, right? I would wish that my parents could explain to me. Idk if they are going to do other things, or she if is going to hide. And how she will feel. She is evangelical fundamentalist, she did and told or ignored horrible things that would happen to me or the church said about trans people (z**, p*do, demon). She didn't changed when she see saw me breaking down or when I tried to explain to her. She looks to be the most ignorant and blind person I know. She can't see the truth when I am in front of her, so idk how she will react if the test show "something more physical" or if she will start believing that her womb is cursed or some shit.

She says that she keeps praying that the exams come normal and all health. Honestly my legs are shaking. Idk how I can help him. I hate that he probably just went for public hospitals from university to be seen as an experiment. I never wanted to go through female puberty and it was hell and traumatizing for me. It is so fucking wrong when they force some puberty or surgeries in intersex people. Intersex people should have the right to consent, tell what they want to do with their bodies or if they don't. Same goes for trans people (in the case people would want to fit them in their agab) or to boys (I fucking hate circumsion).

Honestly I am so worried and anxious about it. I am so worried about him. I don't want to him go through the same or similar. And my mom just looks so ignorant and she will not see if it hurts him or try to explain him, she probably will do what is to fit as the words and rules of God. She did similar to me but in different ways. I don't want to him go through that hell too. And idk how can I help him or explain to him. I want to help him. I need some advice

Sorry if I said something disrespectful, or my English looks like shit (it is not my native language and I didn't used a translator). So if I did something wrong, please tell me

Just felt it couldn't hurt for more people to know this exists at this moment in time.

I feel for our entire community and want people to stay safe and never give up.

Note the organization also has lots of data available on the topic in which to gain knowledge.

I hadn't watched it in awhile and realized maybe some people have never seen it. Intersexion documentary was shot and produced between 2010 and 2011.

So some things are dated but many are still relevant and it has some key people in the movement who helped advocacy speaking out.

The blurb "The documentary was researched and presented by intersex activist Mani Mitchell and features numerous established intersex activists, including Cheryl Chase, Pidgeon Pagonis, Hida Viloria, Tiger Devore, Anne Tamar-Mattis, and others. Its central message challenges secrecy, shame, coerced normalization, and medically unnecessary childhood interventions"

I feel a bit like an imposter in the intersex community because I feel like my characteristics don't cleanly align with any existing variation I know of. I have really wack hormones (my main concern) as well as being on the agenital spectrum.

I have vulvar hypospadias, a redundant hymen, (mild?) vaginal hypoplasia and I suspect partial labial fusion (I'm not sure about this one and I'm kinda scared to ask doctors because they have been reacting weird to me even showing up to a gynecologist since I socially transitioned, with my original gyno straight up telling me that since I'm a man now i shouldn't care about my genitals and that I need to look for services elsewhere.).

However, I also have low T levels (iirc my total T is 5?) AND slightly low E levels (not like super low, most of the time they seem to be about the same as the higher end for post-menopausal women and at the peak of the cycle they climb to like 100. But also exactly one time they measured normal so idk what was up with that???) but when I was going through puberty I had irregular menstruation with symptomatology similar to endometriosis.

When I had to get a hysterectomy, they found no endometriosis though. But I had like irregular periods that would either show up every 14 days for 9 days and leave me bedridden (because the pain and bleeding was so severe and I also had fevers every time) or didn't show up for a month at all. AND with that I actually developed excess body hair (this runs in the family - my father's mother grew a full mustache and was really hairy) on my legs, chest, belly and I could grow a faint moustache but not as much as my grandmother. Which seems kinda weird considering my T levels are so low but I swear I'm not making this up. There were a few other odd things but those might be unrelated so I'm not listing them.

I don't think I've ever heard of a variation with these characteristics, especially not one where both T and E are low and that doesn't cause amenorrhea.

When I was a kid / teen I was put on some kind of E supplement or something like that (I have amnesia up until I was about 19 with most of what I know being stuff someone has told me or stuff I read in my medical records) and that kinda helped. I don't remember and my mother doesn't recall what it was and my father was absent during that time. Later I started taking T but my body didn't like it so I had to quit (along with financial reasons). Idk if anyone else has this experience with T. I know some variations don't react to it but I did react to it and had effects, it's just that my body also really hated it.

Yeah anyway curious if anyone else experiences anything like this or knows of a variation that sounds a little like this. I feel a bit like I'm just making things up with the way this doesn't really seem to "exist" so to say.

So, i was born with Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. My condition has caused me to have un-descended testes (now brought down through surgery in infancy), a relatively small phallus and increased breast tissue causing the appearance of boobs. In recent times, I have been communicating with my endocrinologist about possible phalloplasty to lengthen the penis. This is unfortunately not a viable option. What is viable however is vaginoplasty or cliteroplasty (?). I present mostly as androgynous, with people leaning towards perceiving me as feminine due to my figure, hair and chest. I am unsure if I want to get this surgery or leave it how it is. I am wondering if anyone here has had my condition or something similar and gotten such kind of surgery and how it went? + how living with it is. Any personal experience is welcome!

I am curious because as we know the existence of intersex people disproves the entire gender construct we are taught in society and the personality traits that are considered to make up the personality of men and women (strong and dependable and providing versus nurturing and kind and teaching) are just personality traits that any human could possess. What, to you, as an intersex person, whether you identify as your gender assigned at birth or anything in between, makes up a man or a woman? Curious cause I think i've reached a point in deconstructing gender in society that i can't tell any difference now.

Greece TV show features Intersex character apparently first time an Intersex character has ever been on one of their prime time shows.

My genetic results came back today and were negative, karyotype was as expected, and no pathogenic variation of genes detected (for PAIS).
I know there was only probably less than 50% chance of finding any anyway, but I am really upset by this. I still have plenty of documented evidence and the hypospadias, but all of that evidence since puberty is just from my word of mouth, it doesn't feel hard evidence. Hope I can still at least get a clinical diagnosis soon.

For over 2 decades, I tried to be more "manly". I tried so hard with dating, with socializing, with sports, competition and fitness. Much of this was a failure. I put it down to both genetics and being lazy. Not being confident enough, not working out hard enough etc.

It wasn't until recently (after starting to live as a woman) when I found out that PAIS was even a thing, that I realized that that was what I had. Explained the low muscle mass etc. All the evidence pointed directly at that, and I am still sure of that.

I just really wanted that genetic evidence. Proof for who I am & why I am. 😢

Tw: Suicide

They never gave me a choice. They lied to me. They never told me about my ambiguous sex, what the surgeries were for, and whenever I tried to express my pain they just told me that I was causing problems for other people. When puberty began my life became a nightmare and I tried to express my feelings but I was always fought against and made to believe that if I went against who I was “supposed to be” or who “God made me to be” I would be destroying the family and losing everyone I love. I was still a kid.

Now I can’t recognize my own body, while it’s strangely feminine for someone who was forced to go through a kinda male puberty it’s painful to see myself in the mirror, to hear my voice, and to know that my body can never be how I thought it was going to be. Everyday I think about how my inability to live fully as myself was taken from me and how I have suffered through so much bullshit because of what was done to me. I wish I had a choice. I hate everything and I sit and cry so often. Hrt has been wonderful but it can only go so far and I hate that I only get to see a fraction of myself. Some times I wish I just >!killed myself!< because so much of who I am was taken from me.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

I’m not talking about mild dissapointment or a fantasy of a child of a particular gender. If you are genuinely torn up about it and vocalize as such you shouldn’t have a kid.

Like obviously across much of the world male baby preference is a greater issue. We’ve all seen the vids of dads having temper tantrums because the smoke is pink or whatever. It comes from the misogynistic view that women and girls are less capable or worthy of certain things, including existing.

But also, as an intersex FtM I don’t think people who want to have only daughters should have children either. Number one, no matter how feminist your pov is you’re still boxing people into gender roles, girl=pure good, boy=dangerous and evil. Number two, there is always a chance your daughter might not want to identify that way. What if you have an intersex child? A trans son? Just a more masculine daughter? You’re setting them up for confusion and self hatred.

Before you have any children you need to have an unconditional love for them, even when they are just thoughts.

A lot of people like to say to interphobes/transphobes/homophobes “I hope you have intersex/trans/gay children!” But I hope they don’t have children at all. You aren’t a punishment for your parents. And also, it’s childish to assume parents who would hate their children for one reason would be any less selective in other regards. Even to their endosex/straight/cis/male children they will just be bad parents.

https://preview.redd.it/wkm8lbx09qeh1.png?width=962&format=png&auto=webp&s=383e113c9834f5f305825652c2d34f199d5e85f1

Apparently this is the hot topic on the sub right now, I didn't expect this to make such an impact so that's pretty cool!

Here's an update on this project. I made some edits to the original diagram's wording (I actually misunderstood what "vaginal vestibule" meant, corrected that, then decided I might change up how it's visually represented a bit later but this is functional for the moment), and had some helpful people contribute their hypos as examples!

With this project, I want to show anonymized examples of REAL people, not hypothetical vague shapes as diagrams.

I don't 100% have the format and details solidified yet, but I'm really glad even the original post I made has been helpful for people since there's so few examples and talk about vulvar hypospadias, especially compared to penile hypospadias. I'll keep working on formalizing this and adding examples as folks contribute, feel free to critique or make suggestions of what would be the most helpful/informative/easy to interpret.

If you'd like to contribute, message me! These will be added to the file anonymized, no username or anything attached in any iteration of this project. It's been the most helpful when people send their own labeled sketches, but descriptions work too, then you can critique the diagram I make before it gets added to the file. I am NOT asking for photos.

Hey so i recently realized i have female Hypospadias even though i thought I was a normal person growing up.

A lot of people have told me that it's just "Hard" to find my urethra but in reality i was born with it in my vaginal cavity which is The same place or area I bleed out of which causes me a lot of pain. (And hidden medical issue)

I've heard a lot of people say that you Don't get "liquid" out of your body Through said area if you are female but I do and have been for my entire life.

A also have some other issues alongside my female Hypospadias which only i know about because Doctors don't check for Hypospadias and it's not a commonly known thing that a women can have such things or not taken seriously.

Anyways none of my family knows i have said condition and I'm absolutely not telling anyone in my family about it as it is very odd to most people to learn Someone's urethra is in the wrong place and people (or family) just think I'm stupid or can't find it.

This just led to a Lot of medical care being misdiagnosed and me Getting urethra infections a lot to the point where it was painful.

Anyways when i Was in high school i did a sex ed class then realized something was REALLY off about my biology As Whenever I Looked at the diagrams That were supposed to match my gender it was Very off.

Actually one of the first things i Noticed was that i seemly didn't have a urethra That i could see or find.

Note: that i can get Said liquid out of my body through my cavity but it was very confusing and lead to me questioning.

Of course it took me Years to figure out the Issue since female Hypospadias is rare and not commonly talked about or taken seriously enough.

I'm also pretty sure i had a issue before i was born were my amniotic sac Ruptured likely from said issue with my urethra being in the wrong place.

Anyways I'd like to think how y'all think about this and For educational reasons I'm just posting here cause i know this isn't talked about enough.

I deleted my previous post because I accidentally used an outdated term. My apologies.

I discussed this topic with ChatGPT, and it told me that having the urethral opening located within the vaginal canal does not necessarily mean that someone has an intersex variation, as it can sometimes occur as an isolated congenital anatomical variation.

However, ChatGPT is not a medical expert, so I would like to ask people who are more knowledgeable about this topic: is female hypospadias considered an intersex variation, or can it occur as an isolated anatomical variation?

I probably should just go low/no contact with this friend, but i would love some advice from others.

Our friend group is very much an open communication type group, all of us are queer and we all sometimes share stories or experiences/anecdotes regarding our sex lives.

I usually don't do that as much as other friends, but I've never minded it and don't see it as a negative thing, i think it's fine and good to talk about whatever everyone's comfortable talking about in a group.

We all also make jokes about being attracted to each other, it's almost always light-hearted fun.

This friend in particular, however, since finding out I'm intersex, has been consistently making 'jokes' or statements or random remarks that relate directly to what they assume my genitals look like. I don't think this was malicious, they're just kinda horrible with social cues, which i get, and they mostly stopped after being asked to, but they still do a different, more annoying thing, where they just try to "guess" or figure out what my "real sex" is. They don't say it like that, but i know what they're doing. They'll ask subtle things or comment on parts of my body and try to assume stuff about them.

I actively do not answer these questions and have explained to them literally my entire situation in the past, as I'm very open about it, but i do NOT want to go into detail about the igm & forced hrt i went through or my genitals, for *obvious* reasons.

Honestly by now I'm okay with just cutting ties with them, and they're moving abroad in a few months, which I'll probably do then, to avoid awkwardness as we go to the same uni and are in a lot of the same trans org groups, but I'm mostly just wondering how to navigate conversations around them until that? What would you do beyond telling them their questions are out of line? I've been considering just constantly giving them random answers and changing them up each time at this point.

I got into an argument on the internet about the possibility that transfems can be afab and trans men can be amab. The person i argue with says that someone afab who identifies as a woman would just be cis.

Ive read the personal experiences of intersex people who say they were initially assigned as one sex, then reassigned another by doctors, sometimes within hours of the initial sex assignment.

This person wasnt satisfied with posts on tumblr and asked for "real sources" for this phenomenon. Ive tried to search for them but so far found nothing. If its ok I would like to ask for help.

I was just wondering if there are any intersex people who experience gender dysphoria due to hormonal issues? Or if it’s just me? I’m intersex and genderfluid.