u/Bobslegenda1945

I am a perisex trans men pre all. I have a young brother of 12 yo and I suspect that he may be intersex and I fear for him about how our parents will react.

My lil brother have been born with some fingers more, and he needed to do a lot of surgeries. He had surgeries to put his two balls down at 5 or 3 if I ain't wrong (I can understand that, because if it is not put down there is a high risk of cancer), circumsion and that is the most weird part for me:

I am pre all, so it is not weird to me get suicidal or extremely depressed, kinda out of control. The gyneco prescribed me BC and antidepressants, I bought them alone and hidden bc my mom didn't bought for me when I asked. When she found, she started telling me and giving a sermon about hormones, how you can't put it in the body, that is going to give you cancer and she told the same about antidepressants. That we should go find another gynecologist (that would be the third, and she never took me)

But here is the question, when my brother just did 10 yo, the endo, ONLY ONE, SHE WOULDN'T GO ASK TO ANOTHER. BUT FOR ME I NEEDED TO SEE 3 DOCTORS? THERE IS SOMETHING PRETTY WRONG AND HYPOCRITE HERE), prescribed 2ml of Deposteron once for month during 3 months. I was envious and angry, how could he just got T while I was 18 and I couldn't and that would be a sin (I didn't thought about the possibility of him being inter)? But at the same I knew that there was something weird. I remember to read in school books that the puberty of cis perisex boys could start at 10 to 14, so why all the rush to give T to a boy that just have made 10 yo, almost in the same month, it was not even 10 to 11. I remember talking to my mom about how he could be intersex and she just told something that I was being affected by gender ideology.

He is going to do a chromosome exam this 30th of this month or in August, according to my mom is "to see if he has any syndrome" and she told me "if there is something he will still be our X". I am so anxious. Probably she and the church are not going to tell him that he will go to hell or some shit like that (or my mom will not think that he choose), it kinda makes me want to breathe a lil bc this shit traumatized me, but I fear what will happen to him. I heard the church once using the argument that intersex people are some kind of biological error and also using it to justify transphobia. Two shits at once.

I pray every night and all the time to my siblings being all straight, cis, perisex. I don't want any of them going through the same hell that I went because of my family and evangelicalism.

I don't know how she is going to feel or react. She should explain and tell to him, right? I would wish that my parents could explain to me. Idk if they are going to do other things, or she if is going to hide. And how she will feel. She is evangelical fundamentalist, she did and told or ignored horrible things that would happen to me or the church said about trans people (z**, p*do, demon). She didn't changed when she see saw me breaking down or when I tried to explain to her. She looks to be the most ignorant and blind person I know. She can't see the truth when I am in front of her, so idk how she will react if the test show "something more physical" or if she will start believing that her womb is cursed or some shit.

She says that she keeps praying that the exams come normal and all health. Honestly my legs are shaking. Idk how I can help him. I hate that he probably just went for public hospitals from university to be seen as an experiment. I never wanted to go through female puberty and it was hell and traumatizing for me. It is so fucking wrong when they force some puberty or surgeries in intersex people. Intersex people should have the right to consent, tell what they want to do with their bodies or if they don't. Same goes for trans people (in the case people would want to fit them in their agab) or to boys (I fucking hate circumsion).

Honestly I am so worried and anxious about it. I am so worried about him. I don't want to him go through the same or similar. And my mom just looks so ignorant and she will not see if it hurts him or try to explain him, she probably will do what is to fit as the words and rules of God. She did similar to me but in different ways. I don't want to him go through that hell too. And idk how can I help him or explain to him. I want to help him. I need some advice

Sorry if I said something disrespectful, or my English looks like shit (it is not my native language and I didn't used a translator). So if I did something wrong, please tell me

Has anyone ever had a parent say that? In my case it was my mother.

People always say that phrase to me when I'm suffering emotionally or show signs of experiencing dysphoria.

It seems like parents always say that. I don't know if it's so we should stop and miraculously heal ourselves. "Seeing you suffer makes us suffer. If not more. You don't know what I am going through".

I hate that phrase because IT'S NOT THE SAME THING. Of course, parents feel bad seeing their child suffer, but I think it's difficult to be on the same level.

I gave her time, I told her I didn't choose this, how it is, how I feel, and she seems to actively deny it out of pure ignorance. She knows that I am trans, she took me out at 16 (20 tm now pre all). I know it's difficult for some parents, who had expectations. But every day I see that it's more ignorance and projection. They could try to talk to us, ask, search online, read books. We have internet! But they don't do any of that.

I don't accept this idea of "suffering more or the same as the children", specially when my mom says that. She doesn't know what it's like to suffer from dysphoria, to spend the last 4 years asking God to heal you or kill you because of religious guilt, to have horrible thoughts almost every day, to cry because you don't have a dick, be anxious to the future because how Society treats trans people, if you will ever find love, the angst of the mismatch of body and soul, how the family will react, and so many other things and the "gift" of getting religious trauma, because according to evangelicals I am a demon, sicko, zoo, p\*do and I will burn in hell, that I will die young. If she went through the same, I believe that she wouldn't bear it for a week. It amazes me how I got to my 20's.

Honestly, if they felt the same way, I think they would at least try to change, even if it was little by little, and seek information. Because we know the pain is unbearable, and if it were the same for them, it should lead to change. Stop listening to pastors and take your kid to places where talk that their existence is wrong, that they are going to burn and probably could be violent towards them if there was no law, give support, if could, help your kid with the transition, try to learn about, show unconditional love. You don't need to go to a pride parade. Just be good and support your child.

Sometimes it seems to me that I prefer They see us dead or miserable in anguish. Because they see how we suffer, but refuse to try to change or think "maybe we're wrong."

I'd like to know if there were other people who went through something similar. If they changed, how they are today, and if there's an explanation for this parental behavior.

Has anyone ever had a parent say that? In my case it was my mother.

People always say that phrase to me when I'm suffering emotionally or show signs of experiencing dysphoria.

It seems like parents always say that. I don't know if it's so we should stop and miraculously heal ourselves. "Seeing you suffer makes us suffer. If not more. You don't know what I am going through".

I hate that phrase because IT'S NOT THE SAME THING. Of course, parents feel bad seeing their child suffer, but I think it's difficult to be on the same level.

I gave her time, I told her I didn't choose this, how it is, how I feel, and she seems to actively deny it out of pure ignorance. She knows that I am trans, she took me out at 16 (20 tm now pre all). I know it's difficult for some parents, who had expectations. But every day I see that it's more ignorance and projection. They could try to talk to us, ask, search online, read books. We have internet! But they don't do any of that.

I don't accept this idea of "suffering more or the same as the children", specially when my mom says that. She doesn't know what it's like to suffer from dysphoria, to spend the last 4 years asking God to heal you or kill you because of religious guilt, to have horrible thoughts almost every day, to cry because you don't have a dick, be anxious to the future because how Society treats trans people, if you will ever find love, the angst of the mismatch of body and soul, how the family will react, and so many other things and the "gift" of getting religious trauma, because according to evangelicals I am a demon, sicko, zoo, p*do and I will burn in hell, that I will die young. If she went through the same, I believe that she wouldn't bear it for a week. It amazes me how I got to my 20's.

Honestly, if they felt the same way, I think they would at least try to change, even if it was little by little, and seek information. Because we know the pain is unbearable, and if it were the same for them, it should lead to change. Stop listening to pastors and take your kid to places where talk that their existence is wrong, that they are going to burn and probably could be violent towards them if there was no law, give support, if could, help your kid with the transition, try to learn about, show unconditional love. You don't need to go to a pride parade. Just be good and support your child.

Sometimes it seems to me that I prefer They see us dead or miserable in anguish. Because they see how we suffer, but refuse to try to change or think "maybe we're wrong."

I'd like to know if there were other people who went through something similar. If they changed, how they are today, and if there's an explanation for this parental behavior.

Has anyone ever had a parent say that? In my case it was my mother.

People always say that phrase to me when I'm suffering emotionally or show signs of experiencing dysphoria.

It seems like parents always say that. I don't know if it's so we should stop and miraculously heal ourselves. "Seeing you suffer makes us suffer. If not more. You don't know what I am going through".

I hate that phrase because IT'S NOT THE SAME THING. Of course, parents feel bad seeing their child suffer, but I think it's difficult to be on the same level.

I gave her time, I told her I didn't choose this, how it is, how I feel, and she seems to actively deny it out of pure ignorance. She knows that I am trans, she took me out at 16 (20 now pre all). I know it's difficult for some parents, who had expectations. But every day I see that it's more ignorance and projection. They could try to talk to us, ask, search online, read books. We have internet! But they don't do any of that.

I don't accept this idea of "suffering more or the same as the children", specially when my mom says that. She doesn't know what it's like to suffer from dysphoria, to spend the last 4 years asking God to heal you or kill you because of religious guilt, to have horrible thoughts almost every day, to cry because you don't have a dick, be anxious to the future because how Society treats trans people, if you will ever find love, the angst of the mismatch of body and soul, how the family will react, and so many other things and the "gift" of getting religious trauma, because according to evangelicals I am a demon, sicko, zoo, p*do and I will burn in hell, that I will die young. If she went through the same, I believe that she wouldn't bear it for a week. It amazes me how I got to my 20's.

Honestly, if they felt the same way, I think they would at least try to change, even if it was little by little, and seek information. Because we know the pain is unbearable, and if it were the same for them, it should lead to change. Stop listening to pastors and take your kid to places where talk that their existence is wrong, that they are going to burn and probably could be violent towards them if there was no law, give support, if could, help your kid with the transition, try to learn about, show unconditional love. You don't need to go to a pride parade. Just be good and support your child.

Sometimes it seems to me that I prefer They see us dead or miserable in anguish. Because they see how we suffer, but refuse to try to change or think "maybe we're wrong."

I'd like to know if there were other people who went through something similar. If they changed, how they are today, and if there's an explanation for this parental behavior.

Sou um cara trans de 20, ando muito disforico e pensando em começar a th em segredo pelo Sus e mudar os documentos. Acho que mesmo se meus pais descobrirem, não expulsariam e já penso em arranjar uma grana e tô estudando pra um concurso.

Queria saber se os coletivos ajudaram com o processo de transição, dicas, socialização, atividades, lazer, ajuda, suporte, etc.

No meu caso eu tinha trancado a UFF, mas penso em voltar esse ano

I have no doubt that if it weren't for the law, the fact that the state is secular, they would be fully supporting a new Holocaust.

The pastor was talking about how God put laws in the Old Testament, and he just started saying this:

"There was even something about – I can't talk it here because they will knock down the live- a law that if two mustachioed men trying to fuck each other down and getting tangled up, it is to kill them both. Heheha. I didn't say that, that's God's business. Argue with God."

I have the record. It is in pt br (ok, they didn't posted it. If they post the record, I will try to send it here).

Honestly I feel bad for pastor's children and grandchildren. Specially the grandchildren.

There was a time when he even talked about a trans woman who converted and detransitioned, and how she showed old photos to give her testimony. She transferred it back. But he keeps joking that she was so beautiful that if he could, he'd kiss her on the mouth. He says this in front of everyone and with a microphone. I just keep wondering what his wife and family are going through when he talks about it in front of her and everyone 💀

He spoke in a style as if it were gossip, a special and amusing secret, and seemed to take pleasure in his voice. I don't trust these people. They would kill if nothing were stopping them. If there were a new Holocaust, they would be completely in favor of it. It's impossible to understand how these people say that the pastor says good words that do good for the soul

Tw: LGBT phobia, self hate, religious trauma, I think

. I try to be as Christian as possible and love my neighbor, but damn it. I really hate when people do that.

I can't stand it when they say that. Especially because they are usually in the gender, roles and sexuality fits their religion. I remember when I heard the pastor >!saying about a lesbian teen that killed herself. According to him, it was not homophobia, but the demon, the devil and her fault and the path her chose. !<

And instead of thinking, 'We're wrong. We have to change something. It was just a child.'They never talk about the subject again, they ignore it, they give basic support to the family (which is more like blaming the victim and saying that their kid went to hell, God's will, she chose it). They will probably repeat the same mistake that led to this disaster, and may even be the main cause.

Sometimes I feel like they treat LGBT people with more disgust, revulsion, and hatred than >!abusers and pedophiles!<. Nah, they definitely do.

>!Nothing will make me stop believing that many, if they could, would be in favor of creating concentration camps to go after those who don't fit in. People of other religions, political views, LGBT people, racial and cultural minorities. Honestly, they are anti abortion, but if they could discover if the fetuses are going to be lgbt or some other thing, they wouldn't think twice!!<

"You choose it", "bare your cross", ""Renounce and deny yourself", "it is a sin", "you are going to hell", "trans people are sick", "they can't see what God made and accept God is identity", "you are destroying God is work".

I just hate that shit so much . I am so fucking tired. I hate all of this and the one thing telling that trans and gay people are all z\\\*\\\*, p\\\*do, demons, possessed.

I am a trans man pre transition, so it probably will be more turned to the trans experience and ass of God, but I do believe that lgb people may understand and feel the same.

I never asked to be trans, I never asked to have dysphoria, I never asked to be born with a body that doesn't fit.

"Huhhh huh you have to pray more and fight against it". BY THE LOVE OF GOD. I WAS PRAYING TO GOD MAKE ME NORMAL AT 7. I WAS SCREAMING AND BEGGING TO GOD FIX ME AT 15 UNTIL TODAY. IDK EVEN HOW I ARRIVED TO MY 20TH B'DAY. HOW THE FUCKING HELL COULD I CHOOSE THAT? HOW THE FUCKING HELL IT WAS A DEMON SINCE MY CHILDHOOD?! FOR WHAT? TO SUFFER BECAUSE I FEEL THAT GOD HATES ME? CRY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING DICK? BECAUSE I WILL GO TO HELL? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE CONVICTED FOR LOVING SOMEONE? TO SUFFER BECAUSE MY PARENTS DOESN'T ACCEPT ME AND I HATE SEEING THEM SUFFER BECAUSE OF ME?!

They are all like "don't do that. Life is short. Eternity is forever", "you need to deny it". And they say all this shit because they are not the ones who need to deny their gender or sexuality. They can dress as they want, they have the characteristics that fit them, They're going to get married and have sex without guilt; they're allowed to have their teens crushes. If a cis woman has PCOS, they will give the medication to her, if a cis man has hypogonadism they will give T to him without fault. And they will address that it is wrong let a person without the hormones that do good for them, because their body and mind need it.

But if it is a trans or gay person they deny it all to them.

I hate that all. For the love of the saint! I never asked to be born trans or to even be born. I want to live a happy and long live, but they make me feel like I am a >!horrible and dirty thing. I feel like I am a fucking abomination. Why I have to go to hell for something I didn't choose?! Why I have to go to hell for searching the means to have a healthy life and mental health?! !<

They always say "life is too short. Eternity is forever. Fight against it!" because the same that tells you to search the heavens in eternity are the same who are living the heavens on Earth.

Why the fuck can't we have the right to feel What are the minimum rights that everyone should have? Why don't we have the right to love and be loved? The right to feel good in our own bodies and to have a family?

The same people who tell us to suppress and endure are the same ones who wouldn't last a week if they went through the same thing.

They tell that we are destroying our bodies, the work of God and are going to hell, but if they are so, are they going to hell for doing all the things that Jesus not told them to do?

Are the rich pastors going to hell? The millionaire? Are a lot of Christians going to hell for supporting the destruction of nature because of the capitalism? The ones that hate the next by gender, sexuality, race, country, religion?!

Jesus was born more than 2.000 years ago, but still they can't learn? They can't pin in their heart the "first, love God the most and the second is important the same, love the next as yourself"?

My God. If I ain't wrong there are more than 2 billion of Christians in the world. You know how much change 2 billion of people could do? If people took that seriously, we would have fought all the bias better. There would not have Ice, maybe a lot of wars, genocide, slavery, misoginy, homophobia wouldn't have happened or ended soon, etc. Yeah, prob we would have people that sucks, but the difference would be so drastic. We wouldn't have a lot of people supporting the destruction of the biosphere. We would have more people being more human and Fighting the maximum they can against all the kind of violence and supporting human rights and nature. But still they can't do that?!! They just keep fighting against the "woke". Omg, Jesus must be so proud!/s

I hate how I am seem as someone ungrateful by my parents, or at least I feel it. I hate that. "You should complain more. Or are you just irritated for no reason? Damn, if they had a hormonal disorder that was masculinizing or feminizing them and they couldn't get treatment, they'd be crazy. I am Not wanting an allowance, or complaining about how we don't travel by plane and saying it's their fault. I try to be positive; I've already said that when I get a job I'll help at home and give gifts to them, I feel bad for them suffering for me being trans, I try to comfort them. I never smoked, stole, had sex, I not even curse at home or next to them (unless of damn).

They keep me treating like if I am 12 yo, when I am 20. I want all the good for them. I try to be a good son, I try to be better everyday, I love them. I feel bad when they have take me to a doctor or when I see how expensive the food is now.

My God. It is obvious that I am being a horrible ungrateful. I can't feel fine in my own body. They are denying to accept it, to accept me, to may help me with hrt. I'm not being spiteful because they didn't buy an expensive iPhone. Damn, I try to pull myself together sometimes to help when they're crying. I feel awful for getting annoyed afterward when they give me gifts and things that make me happy. I feel like an ungrateful, selfish person. What a hell. I just want to be accepted, supported, start transitioning, etc.

I tell them that church makes me feel dirty and >!suicidal!<. That I don't want to go or watch. That I want to be at home and I will find a church that doesn't makes me feel like I should been a>!borted!<, and they can't even try to do that.

I'm just so annoyed. I don't think they're going to kick me out of the house, and fuck it. I'm going to try to start the T in secret, change the documents, sell commissions and all that.

Kinda of a vent. I try to be as Christian as possible and love my neighbor, but damn it. I really hate when people do that.

I can't stand it when they say that. Especially because they are usually in the gender, roles and sexuality fits their religion. I remember when I heard the pastor >!saying about a lesbian teen that killed herself. According to him, it was not homophobia, but the demon, the devil and her fault and the path her chose. !<

And instead of thinking, 'We're wrong. We have to change something. It was just a child.'They never talk about the subject again, they ignore it, they give basic support to the family (which is more like blaming the victim and saying that their kid went to hell, God's will, she chose it). They will probably repeat the same mistake that led to this disaster, and may even be the main cause.

Sometimes I feel like they treat LGBT people with more disgust, revulsion, and hatred than >!abusers and pedophiles!<. Nah, they definitely do.>! !<

>!Nothing will make me stop believing that many, if they could, would be in favor of creating concentration camps to go after those who don't fit in. People of other religions, political views, LGBT people, racial and cultural minorities. Honestly, they are anti abortion, but if they could discover if the fetuses are going to be lgbt or some other thing, they wouldn't think twice!<

"You choose it", "bare your cross", ""Renounce and deny yourself", "it is a sin", "you are going to hell", "trans people are sick", "they can't see what God made and accept God is identity", "you are destroying God is work".

I just hate that shit so much . I am so fucking tired. I hate all of this and the one thing telling that trans and gay people are all z\*\*, p\*do, demons, possessed.

I am a trans man pre transition, so it probably will be more turned to the trans experience and ass of God, but I do believe that lgb people may understand and feel the same.

I never asked to be trans, I never asked to have dysphoria, I never asked to be born with a body that doesn't fit.

"Huhhh huh you have to pray more and fight against it". BY THE LOVE OF GOD. I WAS PRAYING TO GOD MAKE ME NORMAL AT 7. I WAS SCREAMING AND BEGGING TO GOD FIX ME AT 15 UNTIL TODAY. IDK EVEN HOW I ARRIVED TO MY 20TH B'DAY. HOW THE FUCKING HELL COULD I CHOOSE THAT? HOW THE FUCKING HELL IT WAS A DEMON SINCE MY CHILDHOOD?! FOR WHAT? TO SUFFER BECAUSE I FEEL THAT GOD HATES ME? CRY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING DICK? BECAUSE I WILL GO TO HELL? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE CONVICTED FOR LOVING SOMEONE? TO SUFFER BECAUSE MY PARENTS DOESN'T ACCEPT ME AND I HATE SEEING THEM SUFFER BECAUSE OF ME?!

They are all like "don't do that. Life is short. Eternity is forever", "you need to deny it". And they say all this shit because they are not the ones who need to deny their gender or sexuality. They can dress as they want, they have the characteristics that fit them, They're going to get married and have sex without guilt; they're allowed to have their teens crushes. If a cis woman has PCOS, they will give the medication to her, if a cis man has hypogonadism they will give T to him without fault. And they will address that it is wrong let a person without the hormones that do good for them, because their body and mind need it.

But if it is a trans or gay person they deny it all to them.

I hate that all. For the love of the saint! I never asked to be born trans or to even be born. I want to live a happy and long live, but they make me feel like I am a >!horrible and dirty thing. I feel like I am a fucking abomination. Why I have to go to hell for something I didn't choose?! Why I have to go to hell for searching the means to have a healthy life and mental health?! !<

They always say "life is too short. Eternity is forever. Fight against it!" because the same that tells you to search the heavens in eternity are the same who are living the heavens on Earth.

Why the fuck can't we have the right to feel What are the minimum rights that everyone should have? Why don't we have the right to love and be loved? The right to feel good in our own bodies and to have a family?

The same people who tell us to suppress and endure are the same ones who wouldn't last a week if they went through the same thing.

They tell that we are destroying our bodies, the work of God and are going to hell, but if they are so, are they going to hell for doing all the things that Jesus not told them to do?

Are the rich pastors going to hell? The millionaire? Are a lot of Christians going to hell for supporting the destruction of nature because of the capitalism? The ones that hate the next by gender, sexuality, race, country, religion?!

Jesus was born more than 2.000 years ago, but still they can't learn? They can't pin in their heart the "first, love God the most and the second is important the same, love the next as yourself"?

My God. If I ain't wrong there are more than 2 billion of Christians in the world. You know how much change 2 billion of people could do? If people took that seriously, we would have fought all the bias better. There would not have Ice, maybe a lot of wars, genocide, slavery, misoginy, homophobia wouldn't have happened or ended soon, etc. Yeah, prob we would have people that sucks, but the difference would be so drastic. We wouldn't have a lot of people supporting the destruction of the biosphere. We would have more people being more human and Fighting the maximum they can against all the kind of violence and supporting human rights and nature. But still they can't do that?!! They just keep fighting against the "woke". Omg, Jesus must be so proud!/s

I hate how I am seem as someone ungrateful by my parents, or at least I feel it. I hate that. "You should complain more. Or are you just irritated for no reason? Damn, if they had a hormonal disorder that was masculinizing or feminizing them and they couldn't get treatment, they'd be crazy. I am Not wanting an allowance, or complaining about how we don't travel by plane and saying it's their fault. I try to be positive; I've already said that when I get a job I'll help at home and give gifts to them, I feel bad for them suffering for me being trans, I try to comfort them. I never smoked, stole, had sex, I not even curse at home or next to them (unless of damn).

They keep me treating like if I am 12 yo, when I am 20. I want all the good for them. I try to be a good son, I try to be better everyday, I love them. I feel bad when they have take me to a doctor or when I see how expensive the food is now.

My God. It is obvious that I am being a horrible ungrateful. I can't feel fine in my own body. They are denying to accept it, to accept me, to may help me with hrt. I'm not being spiteful because they didn't buy an expensive iPhone. Damn, I try to pull myself together sometimes to help when they're crying. I feel awful for getting annoyed afterward when they give me gifts and things that make me happy. I feel like an ungrateful, selfish person. What a hell. I just want to be accepted, supported, start transitioning, etc.

I tell them that church makes me feel dirty and >!suicidal!<. That I don't want to go or watch. That I want to be at home and I will find a church that doesn't makes me feel like I should been >!aborted!<, and they can't even try to do that.

I'm just so annoyed. I don't think they're going to kick me out of the house, and fuck it. I'm going to try to start the T in secret, change the documents, sell commissions and all that.

I try to be as Christian as possible and love my neighbor, but damn it. I really hate when people do that.

Like, please blow yourselves up.

I can't stand it when they say that.

"You choose it", "bare your cross", ""Renounce and deny yourself", "it is a sin", "you are going to hell", "trans people are sick", "they can't see what God made and accept God is identity", "you are destroying God is work".

I just hate that shit so much . I am so fucking tired. I hate all of this and the one thing telling that trans people are all z**, p*do, demons, possessed.

I never asked to be trans, I never asked to have dysphoria, I never asked to be born with a body that doesn't fit.

"Huhhh huh you have to pray more and fight against it". BY THE LOVE OF GOD. I WAS PRAYING TO GOD MAKE ME NORMAL AT 7. I WAS SCREAMING AND BEGGING TO GOD FIX ME AT 15 UNTIL TODAY. IDK EVEN HOW I ARRIVED TO MY 20TH B'DAY. HOW THE FUCKING HELL COULD I CHOOSE THAT? HOW THE FUCKING HELL IT WAS A DEMON SINCE MY CHILDHOOD?! FOR WHAT? TO SUFFER BECAUSE I FEEL THAT GOD HATES ME? CRY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING DICK? BECAUSE I WILL GO TO HELL? TO SUFFER BECAUSE MY PARENTS DOESN'T ACCEPT ME AND I HATE SEEING THEM SUFFER BECAUSE OF ME?!

They are all like "don't do that. Life is short. Eternity is forever", "you need to deny it". And they say all this shit because they are not the ones who need to deny their gender or sexuality. They can dress as they want, they have the characteristics that fit them, They're going to get married and have sex without guilt; they're allowed to have their crushes. If a cis woman has sop, they will give the medication to her, if a cis man has hypogonadism they will give T to him without fault. And they will address that it is wrong let a person without the hormones that do good for them, because their body and mind need it.

But if it is a trans person they deny it all to them.

I hate that all. For the love of the saint! I never asked to be born trans or to even be born. I want to live a happy and long live, but they make me feel like I am a horrible and dirty thing. I feel like I am a fucking abomination. Why I have to go to hell for something I didn't choose?! Why I have to go to hell for searching the means to have a healthy life and mental health?!

They always say "life is too short. Eternity is forever. Fight against it!" because the same that tells you to search the heavens in eternity are the same who are living the heavens on Earth.

Why the fuck can't we have the right to feel What are the minimum rights that everyone should have? Why don't we have the right to love and be loved? The right to feel good in our own bodies and to have a family?

The same people who tell us to suppress and endure are the same ones who wouldn't last a week if they went through the same thing.

They tell that we are destroying our bodies, the work of God and are going to hell, but if they are so, are they going to hell for doing all the things that Jesus not told them to do?

Are the rich pastors going to hell? The millionaire? Are a lot of Christians going to hell for supporting the destruction of nature because of the capitalism? The ones that hate the next by gender, sexuality, race, country, religion?!

Jesus was born more than 2.000 years ago, but still they can't learn? They can't pin in their heart the "first, love God the most and the second is important the same, love the next as yourself"?

My God. If I ain't wrong there are more than 2 billion of Christians in the world. You know how much change 2 billion of people could do? If people took that seriously, we would have fought all the bias better. There would not have Ice, maybe a lot of wars, genocide, slavery, misoginy, homophobia, etc. Yeah, prob we would have people that sucks, but the difference would be so drastic. We wouldn't have a lot of people supporting the destruction of the biosphere. We would have more people being more human and Fighting the maximum they can against all the kind of violence and supporting human rights. But still they can't do that?!! They just keep fighting against the "woke". Omg, Jesus must be so proud!/s

I hate how I am seem as someone ungrateful by my parents, or at least I feel it. I hate that. "You should complain more. Or are you just irritated for no reason? Damn, if they had a hormonal disorder that was masculinizing or feminizing them and they couldn't get treatment, they'd be crazy. I am Not wanting an allowance, or complaining about how we don't travel by plane and saying it's their fault. I try to be positive; I've already said that when I get a job I'll help at home and give gifts to them, I feel bad for them suffering for me being trans, I try to comfort them. I never smoked, stole, had sex, I not even curse at home (unless of a damn). They keep me treating like if I am 12 yo, when I am 20. I want all the good for them. I try to be a good son, I try to be better everyday, I love them. I feel bad when they have take me to a doctor or when I see how expensive the food is now.

My God. It is obvious that I am being a horrible ungrateful. I can't feel fine in my own body. They are denying to accept it, to accept me, to may help me with hrt. I'm not being spiteful because they didn't buy an expensive iPhone. Damn, I try to pull myself together sometimes to help when they're crying. I feel awful for getting annoyed afterward when they give me gifts and things that make me happy. I feel like an ungrateful, selfish person. What a hell. I just want to be accepted, supported, start transitioning, etc.

I tell them that church makes me feel dirty and suicidal. That I don't want to go or watch. That I want to be at home and I will find a church that doesn't me feel like I should be aborted, and they can't even try to do that.

I'm just so annoyed. I don't think they're going to kick me out of the house, and fuck it. I'm going to try to start the T in secret, change the documents, sell commissions and all that.

My name is Manuel, I'm a Brazilian trans man who turned 20 this week.

I consider myself pardo (here it is usually the classification to mixed/brown), but since COVID, I have been passing more as white, since I didn't took sun as usually and my went to curly to wavy when I hit puberty.

My father is pardo (with a deeper skin tone than me), and my mother is white (at least I consider her, but by herself she considers parda).

From both parents sides, we have a lot of stories about some of our ancestors having been enslaved. My father tells me that even the news in the 80's or 70's supposed that his grandfather was born in the year of abolish of slavery.

From my mother's side, my grandmother suffered racism in her birth city because she had afro hair. From this side, we also have a lot of stories slavery, sinhá and I found in family search's about my great great grandmother, and in her marriage, her parents didn't have a surname. I suppose they managed to obtain some freedom before they ended slavery. And it seems that this ancestor of mine changed her name to appear whiter and richer, and only said that she was only of Portuguese descent (which I seriously doubt since she had curly afro hair and my grandmother too).

I know that I had some privileges for being white passing as a mixed person. I do know that. But I still feel like racism has affected me even if as a kid, I would be considered a "pretty and smart girl".

I believe that it was a mix of dysphoria and some internalized racism. When I was kid I remember that I disliked a lot and wished that all my features were more white. Having a more white skin tone, a straight blond hair, Less full lips and a more pointed nose. Yeah, kinda like Barbie (I hate how it makes me look like some kind of confused girl than a man🫩)

Today I don't wish for the same, but I still sometimes feeling bad for some of my facial features that are non white. It is strange, because sometimes I feel that when I take T, I will be the most sexy, handsome, cute guy in the world and in the next, I feel that I am ugly and the ugliest parts, are just those features.

I do believe that my father had something similar at my age, because my mom told me that he used a piss gold collar and a green eye contact in the 90's 😭🥀 ( I do believe that it was some kind of internalized racism).

So, can I be welcomed here? And do you have some tips to start to treat this internalized racism to myself? It is so weird, because in some moments I look white, others I just can see that I am really brown, others I feel proud for my appearance and others I don't like my facial features.

Acabei conversando com minha mãe sobre os últimos anos, como ela me arrancou do armário, como eu sofro por não ser um garoto, como até mesmo ver um futuro pra mim é difícil, que não aguento ficar assim, ver o meu irmão passando pela puberdade que sempre quis enquanto não tenho e como sempre quis ser um garoto desde criança. Como as coisas que dizem na igreja me machuca e como as formas que ela agiu e disse me machucaram.

Completei 20 anos esta quarta (Sim, meu presente foi a argentina ter ganhado 😔) e a conversa foi nesse domingo. Eu sou um homem trans, que infelizmente ainda não consegui começar a transição.

Quando eu saí do quarto (só eu e minha mãe estávamos conversando lá), eu achei meu pai ajoelhado no chão e chorando com o rosto no sofá. Eu morri de dó dele. Ele não levantou com toques suaves, então eu o levantei pelo torso e mão e o guiei até a cama. Eu o deitei lá, cobri, fiz carinhos, tapas suaves e círculos e seguei as lágrimas dele e ele beijou minha mão chorando e babando.

E antes, enquanto eu conversava com minha mãe, ela em uns momentos chorou e ficou passando a mão na minha sobrancelha, rosto e cabelo. Até brinquei que ela estava com inveja, já que tive sempre os cabelos e sobrancelhas bonitos.

Eu simplesmente odeio ver eles sofrendo. Odeio de verdade. Se pudesse, eu nunca deixaria eles sofrerem. Me dói muito como o fato de eu ser trans faz eles chorarem e sofrerem.

Me faz muito mal não conseguir ajudar em casa ou pesar pra eles financeiramente, emocionalmente ou de qualquer outra forma. E fico me sentindo extremamente mal ao pensar sobre o que minha família vai dizer, como meus primos, tios e outras partes da família também irão reagir. Se vai ser estranhamento, nojo, repulsa ou algum ataque.

Eu pretendo sair da igreja evangélica. Continuar em religião, só se for uma que me aceita. Também me sinto pra baixo sabendo que eu mesmo fora, e meus pais, vão virar o elefante na sala lá.

Eles são da Assembleia de Deus de Bonsucesso (fds, falo o nome daquele inferno mesmo. Muita gente pra saberem quem são meus pais) que é um inferno. E nesse culto de terça, falaram sobre quem se afasta, etc. Deus mata, que as ações tem consequências, relatos de gente morrendo depois de se afastar da igreja, que acontecia isso com quem conhecia a verdade.
Infelizmente, a Assembleia e os fundamentos do evangelicalismo, me fazem muitas vezes sentir culpa, medo, sensação de morte iminente e sensações de ser sujo e pior que um criminoso sexual e alguém horrível que não deveria ter nascido, mesmo nunca tendo feito nada de errado. Todo dia me esforço pra tentar ser alguém melhor, amar o próximo, mas mesmo assim a questão religiosa me afetou negativamente.

Qual o sentido de Jesus me mandar para o Inferno se eu não escolhi ser trans? Se eu não conseguir transicionar, eu poderei acabar me suicidando no futuro? É como dizer que alguém vai para o inferno pelo cabelo, cor da pele ou do olho. Mas eu vou pro inferno por algo que não escolhi, enquanto milionários, pedos, assassinos e outros podem ser facilmente perdoados por algo que escolheram fazer?

Eu quero ajudar meus pais e irmãos mais novos financeiramente.

Devo ficar no cristianismo, mas talvez como algo mais espiritual pessoal e levando o "ame ao próximo como a ti mesmo" o mais sério o possível. E se for pra ir pra uma igreja, só se for tudo certo e não ser como essas evangélicas.

Mas por favor, me diga como conseguiram superar esses sentimentos de culpa, etc? Isso me afeta e atrasa pra buscar a transição, mesmo querendo

As I post it, it is going to probably my birthday (07/15). I am a Brazilian trans man, going to be 20 yo and pre everything.

I am wanting some support/advice, I believe

I was really justo hope that it will give me good fruits in at least some months. Maybe to know if It was a good talk and if I have a chance to them accept me

Recently, I have been feeling pretty dysphoric (oh shit, it is already 00h here! Bday to me I think), how I feel that I will die young, that I am dirty, how I feel about loosing my young years and feeling how I am missing it all, while I see my 12yo brother going through puberty. I was randomly just having emotional collapses and crying and screaming, feeling that I am already dead, and loosing all my hope. Honestly, I was not, and I may not even be pretty happy to celebrate it, but I kinda want? I try to be hopeful most of the time). Honestly, it makes me so angry and envious seeing my brother getting at my height and having a mustache and everyone happy while I can't get the same luck.

In this Sunday, After I cried early and my mom came and He came to comfort me, saying he was going to see a psychiatrist because of the PMDD (which I don't think is the only thing I have), that she would accept it if he prescribed medication, and among other things, saying that I wasn't going to die young and that I would live long and do a lot of things and realize my dreams.

In the same night, I brought her to her bedroom and I locked the door, because I didn't wanted to anyone to listen.

I started to talk how I was dumb as a kid, that I shouldn't pray to have a brother, that it never stopped my pain, even if I love him (I prayed at 7 to have a brother. I believed that it would make me stop wanting to be a boy, that I would be happy for him, to watch him grow and get all I wished. That I could live through him). That I wanted to be a boy, that I can't live longer as what I am like now. That if I try to force myself, marry with a guy, be a mother, it will make a future child and a spouse suffer and destroy their lives.

She started telling me that she have a cosmovision and she bases herself in the Bible. She asked me if I believe in god and Jesus and I said yes — I do believe — to just after she talks about how I I should be strong, strive, ask God to change me, regarding temptations. That she felt that I was not listening to her and I believe that I ask and will everything be miraculously solved. My mom explained me that it was like going to a doctor; you won't get out of the appointment well. You need to start the treatment and it takes time. And she told something about "identity".

I just started telling how I tried to change since I was 16. That I cried, screamed, begged to God for years, all to him just make me normal.

I started telling her that it was not just an "identity" problem (at least in the way conservatives see it). It was like skin tone. No one chooses what skin tone they will be born, or their hair, or richness.

That I had all reasons to not want and go to church. I asked her if she knows what they say about people like me and I told about they compare us as pedo, zoo, demons, or some weird fetishist wanting to change and do surgeries in 5 yo, when it is them the ones who do it to intersex children!

I told her how she and my family hurt me. How she not protected me when my aunt told that I was going to die young, or god would kill the ones I loved or that I will abuse my young sister , or other horrible things that happened, like my mom forcing to pierce my ears after an attempt.

I know that she cried and I cried. And after she would cuddle my face, my eyebrowns and my hair, and I would joke about she being envious of my hair. And I noticed that it was almost 3 am, and asked sorry, because she would need to go to work at 4 am, and I took her sleep. My mom just answered that it was necessary.

After I unlock the room, I searched for my father and he was crying in the sofa in his knees. I touched him gently and told him to go to bed and that he needed sleep, but he just started crying more and would not rise. So I took him with my arm above his chest and put my other hand with his, and lifted him and took him to his bed, lay him down, put a blanket on, gave some paths and cuddles, and told that I love him and he kissed my hand while crying.

Honestly, I fucking hate so much seeing my parents suffer, specially when it is because of me 😭.

I will not send books, or articles now. Maybe not even this week or the next. Idk when I should. Prob I will try to tell them gently, specially her, that I know some books if she wants or needs.

I don't talked any word about me being trans or dysphoria or hrt or transition. I just missed the opportunity to joke about my choose name being 'manuel' and I feel like God have forget me lol.

Sometimes I still fear that God will just kill me for being trans, for wanting to leave the evangelical church and go to an affirming like the Episcopal. That I am sinning and going for hell because I want to have a healthy live and I need it. I am seeing that I will not be able to work or live in the next year's if I don't do nothing. I told her that it was impossible. I am seeing how bad I am getting in my studies and all.

I just want to know if you have some advice, if your parents went through the same before accepting, or if you before accepting your children, had a similar talk.

Have a good day or night :)

Oh! Idk if my father knows about me being trans or if my mom told anything, bc I never came out. Sometimes I wish, but I fear to.

I kinda want to start hrt and just girl mod all time at home, neighbors, family, and change my documents, so I will be able to join the school of official Marine merchant as any other guy that no one ever knew. (specially bc using skirts and pretending to be a girl would be so dysphoric). It is a hard test, so wish me luck. It is one of my dreams to pilot a ship 😃

Happy pride month, I think?

I started thinking about this yesterday while remembering the things the pastor says, and his words also affect intersex people and many others. It's always the same: "Transgender people are putting hormones in children." They are putting hormones in intersex children without consent. "Transgender people are performing surgery on children." They are performing non-consensual surgeries on intersex babies and circumcisions on babies. "They are implanting ideologies in our children." For God's sake. You've ruined my mental health for something I didn't choose. "LGBT people abuse children." Anyone can abuse children, and to prevent this there must be attention from adults and age-appropriate sex education, but who is generally against sex education? "Transgender people are ruining the bodies God gave them and playing God." They go back to performing circumcisions and surgeries on intersex children without consent and at the behest of parents and doctors. They accept heart surgery, organ donation, cosmetic surgery, wear glasses, dye their hair, undergo HRT (hormonal hormone replacement therapy) when they enter menopause, take testosterone if they have hypogonadism, even though God made them be born a certain way. Not to mention how they indoctrinate girls to often believe they are a temptation for men and it's their fault, they demonize sexuality in general (even heterosexuality, thank you, purity culture), and so many other things I don't even remember. "You are denying science"—they can't listen to a discussion about evolutionary theory or accept that not everything is demonic.

"You must change"—almost every LGBT person who grew up in such environments has tried. Why don't they change?

"God made you this way"—but why can a man with hypogonadism have testosterone and I can't?

"They are indoctrinating our children"—and they force indigenous children to stop speaking their language or follow their culture by force. They force LGBT young people to go into conversion camps where they are psychologically tortured, sometimes even physical. They are telling women that they are some kind of object and are telling guys that it is wrong to feel attraction. There's so much to say I don't even know what else to say. It really pisses me off. They practically support everything they claim to be against. It makes me incredibly angry. Specially because, I can totally see that they would and will be happy to do non consent surgeries in their kids.

My mom says that circumsicion is good, because if you see, it was hygiene law in that time. Like MOM, WE ARE IN XXI. WE ARE NOT IN A RANDOM DESERT.

It also is probably an accidental vent, because I am a trans man. But I feel that all hypocrisy so hard. If I am going to hell for something that I didn't choose, that I need to live a healthy life. They should go after performing surgeries without consent in children.

I am still a Christian, but when I be able, I will never put my foot in a conservative evangelical church again. I just can say that I am sorry for the kids that are going to study in the future confessional school that the pastor is building, lol

I started thinking about this yesterday while remembering the things the pastor says, and his words also affect intersex people and many others. It's always the same:

"Transgender people are putting hormones in children." They are putting hormones in intersex children without consent.

"Transgender people are performing surgery on children." They are performing non-consensual surgeries on intersex babies and circumcisions on babies.

"They are implanting ideologies in our children." For God's sake. You've ruined my mental health for something I didn't choose.

"LGBT people abuse children." Anyone can abuse children, and to prevent this there must be attention from adults and age-appropriate sex education, but who is generally against sex education?

"Transgender people are ruining the bodies God gave them and playing God." They go back to performing circumcisions and surgeries on intersex children without consent and at the behest of parents and doctors. They accept heart surgery, organ donation, cosmetic surgery, wear glasses, dye their hair, undergo HRT (hormonal hormone replacement therapy) when they enter menopause, take testosterone if they have hypogonadism, even though God made them be born a certain way. Not to mention how they indoctrinate girls to often believe they are a temptation for men and it's their fault, they demonize sexuality in general (even heterosexuality, thank you, purity culture), and so many other things I don't even remember.

"You are denying science"—they can't listen to a discussion about evolutionary theory or accept that not everything is demonic.

"You must change"—almost every LGBT person who grew up in such environments has tried. Why don't they change?

"God made you this way"—but why can a man with hypogonadism have testosterone and I can't?

"They are indoctrinating our children"—and they force indigenous children to stop speaking their language or follow their culture by force. They force LGBT young people to go into conversion camps where they are psychologically tortured, sometimes even physical. They are telling women that they are some kind of object and are telling guys that it is wrong to feel attraction.

There's so much to say I don't even know what else to say. It really pisses me off. They practically support everything they claim to be against. It makes me incredibly angry. Specially because, I can totally see that they would and will be happy to do non consent surgeries in their kids.

My mom says that circumsicion is good, because if you see, it was hygiene law in that time. Like MOM, WE ARE IN XXI. WE ARE NOT IN A RANDOM DESERT.

It also is probably an accidental vent, because I am a trans man. But I feel that all hypocrisy so hard. If I am going to hell for something that I didn't choose, that I need to live a healthy life. They should go after performing surgeries without consent in children.

I am still a Christian, but when I be able, I will never put my foot in a conservative evangelical church again. I just can say that I am sorry for the kids that are going to study in the future confessional school that the pastor is building

I started thinking about this yesterday while remembering the things the pastor says, and his words also affect intersex people and many others. It's always the same:

"Transgender people are putting hormones in children." They are putting hormones in intersex children without consent.

"Transgender people are performing surgery on children." They are performing non-consensual surgeries on intersex babies and circumcisions on babies.

"They are implanting ideologies in our children." For God's sake. You've ruined my mental health for something I didn't choose.

"LGBT people abuse children." Anyone can abuse children, and to prevent this there must be attention from adults and age-appropriate sex education, but who is generally against sex education?

"Transgender people are ruining the bodies God gave them and playing God." They go back to performing circumcisions and surgeries on intersex children without consent and at the behest of parents and doctors. They accept heart surgery, organ donation, cosmetic surgery, wear glasses, dye their hair, undergo HRT (hormonal hormone replacement therapy) when they enter menopause, take testosterone if they have hypogonadism, even though God made them be born a certain way. Not to mention how they indoctrinate girls to often believe they are a temptation for men and it's their fault, they demonize sexuality in general (even heterosexuality, thank you, purity culture), and so many other things I don't even remember.

"You are denying science"—they can't listen to a discussion about evolutionary theory or accept that not everything is demonic.

"You must change"—almost every LGBT person who grew up in such environments has tried. Why don't they change?

"God made you this way"—but why can a man with hypogonadism have testosterone and I can't?

"They are indoctrinating our children"—and they force indigenous children to stop speaking their language or follow their culture by force. They force LGBT young people to go into conversion camps where they are psychologically tortured, sometimes even physical. They are telling women that they are some kind of object and are telling guys that it is wrong to feel attraction.

There's so much to say I don't even know what else to say. It really pisses me off. They practically support everything they claim to be against. It makes me incredibly angry. Specially because, I can totally see that they would and will be happy to do non consent surgeries in their kids.

My mom says that circumsicion is good, because if you see, it was hygiene law in that time. Like MOM, WE ARE IN XXI. WE ARE NOT IN A RANDOM DESERT.

It also is probably an accidental vent, because I am a trans man. But I feel that all hypocrisy so hard. If I am going to hell for something that I didn't choose, that I need to live a healthy life. They should go after performing surgeries without consent in children.

I am still a Christian, but when I be able, I will never put my foot in a conservative evangelical church again. I just can say that I am sorry for the kids that are going to study in the future confessional school that the pastor is building

I'll be 20 next month, I'm Brazilian, FTM. I'm in a delicate situation.

I have a 15-year-old sister, my brother is almost 12 (I love him, but his puberty is triggering me a lot, even if I love him) and I'm pre-everything and the worst part is that my parents don't accept me. They are evangelical and follow AoG and for those who know, it's awful.

To be honest, I don't even know if my father accepts me. I've never asked. I want to, but I'm afraid it will go wrong.

Here's the thing. I've been waiting for a while. A long time. About 4 years. I tried to repress it, I tried to stop, but it didn't work.

Every day the dysphoria gets worse and the feeling that I'm living a life that's far from mine, and that besides that, it seems that this is causing me some emotional problems. To make matters worse, I have PMDD. I become dysfunctional, I can only cry, have panic attacks and dysphoria, I lose my focus. I can't study during this time and I think it would be impossible to work like this.

I intend to start treatment for PMDD, and then I have some plans.

A) Go back to college, I can't live there because I don't have money and it's full-time, I can't transition while there, but I want to make friends and integrate into the trans community.

B) My mother recommended a job opening in a neighboring city. I can study, pass, live alone in this neighboring city and start HRT, but I don't have friends and I'll be TOTALLY ALONE. But it's a good city.

C) Try like crazy for college scholarships, grants, try selling sweets during breaks, make ends meet, live in a shared house with other university students, start HRT, and be the best student to get aid. The advantage is that the city is very progressive and even has affirmative action churches!

D) I start hormone therapy secretly, practice my voice to keep it high-pitched, shave, shower frequently, and while doing all that, put my college or work plan into action (my fear is: I'm already hairy. A gynecologist suspected I had PCOS, but I don't, lol. So I feel like I would react super quickly to hormone therapy. At least my body hair. And I'm afraid my beard will grow fast, and I'll be left with a shadow and won't be able to hide it).

I am really afraid. Every day it gets worse. I am starting to feel that I will die young, sometimes I start crying with fear of dying, I feel like god will kill me. That if i start hrt, he will kill me, so he will "save" me from hell and living in sin or punish me.

I also think that I will feel a lil bad if I work in another city and have my money. Because she prob told me about to me have my money and help with home, BC we are not rich and things have been hard.

But study and live in the college sn it's city would help me, because it have affirming churches. So it would help me with my religious trauma.

I hate that all, because I feel that I will not be able to live my life, my younghood, that I am losing my time, that I will never be happy and have a girlfriend and marry and have kids. I really wish that my parents could change. But I waited and she didn't even tried. She just tells me to change, but she never does the same. I am going to have hope. But I don't want to wait more.

I feel like Pedro pedreiro (Nice song from Chico Buarque. I recommend).

I just kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting for all. I am tired of that.

I wish that I could have been born just normal.

Do you have some advice about what should I choose? You are nice parents. Thanks :)

At least I wish that my parents could've tried to learn or understand and change. I tried to repress myself and it didn't worked, why at least they can't try to change?🫪💔

It's humiliating to remember that if they accepted me, my life would be easier, happier, and lighter. I could have started T at 16, or at 18. They could be calling me by my name, buying clothes from thrift stores, I could feel more comfortable among them and be more open.

I hate how they're evangelical and from the Assembly of God. I hate how the church compares trans people to demons, pedophiles, and zoophiles. I hate how the church invents a gender ideology that doesn't exist, about how the world lies in the power of the evil one, as if I had some kind of demon. That I'm going to hell, that I have to repress myself and live a life that isn't mine.

I just wanted them to accept me. It's not that hard. And like, it's not just me who lost the chance to have supportive parents because of religion. Several people have evangelical, JW, Christian, Muslim parents.

It sucks completely. I just wanted them to accept me. Then, I don't know, things could get easier, we could go to a church that accepts us and other cool things.

I hate when they say that we have to change, or that it's like we've died, but we're still grieving for our parents while we're alive, and they don't think it's them who have to change. But if God told them "stop being straight and cis. now you will have to be trans and gay" they would like

I really feel a certain envy for those who have supportive parents and stuff. I'm happy for them, but I wish I had the same chance.

My parents tell me that they love all of us equally. I know they love us, but I can't feel that in the same way. I feel like if I was a straight cis women and was in evangelical church.

I hate being pre-T, i hate don't having their support, I hate how the evangelical church fucks with the lives of LGBT people, how my mom believes that it is a demon, how she can't accept that I need meds for pmdd, How It is all unfair.

Other thing that I hate is that she was explaining terms that are considered prejudiced nowadays to my sister. about racism, fatphobia, etc., and I totally support and agree with that. BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE'S BEING BIASED TOWARDS ME, THAT THE THINGS THE PASTOR SAYS ARE HORRIBLE TO SAY TO ANY HUMAN BEING. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PERSON DID NOTHING WRONG OR CHOOSE. AND SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OR BRING UP THE SUBJECT WITH ME AFTERWARDS TO SAY HE WAS WRONG.

My God. How I hate this thing about churches thinking we choose our gender or sexuality. I see my situation as 2/3 medical, 1/3 identity. I know I need the transition to have a quality of life. I wouldn't have chosen to be trans (but I am trying to be positive), I don't like crying because I don't have a penis, I don't like having gone through puberty the wrong puberty, I don't like being forced to have the wrong hormones.

If I were a cis guy with hypogonadism or who lost his penis, I would have all the support in the world from an early age and from all the church. It wouldn't be a sin, I would not go to hell. But look, if I seek the same rights, I'm satanic and I'm going to hell.

I also hate how many of us had signs and our parents deny it and say it was the devil or the internet. They make themselves blind.

At the same time. Those people will tell you "you are playing as God! You are destroying God 's creation!", but they will do non consent surgeries in intersex children and not let them choose their gender. They talk about "trans people putting hormones on children", when they are the ones putting hormones in children without consent!

I hate how I am going to be 20 next month, I feel like I am missing my life, that I am losing my younghood. I could be a normal guy. Having a normal life.

To get it worse, I can't get into hrt because I live with them. I can't work, because I have pmdd, a really bad pmdd. I get totally dysfunctional 8 days by cycle, even if I try my best. If I work, I will be fired. I still trying to get a prescription, my mom didn't accepted the antidepressants or birth control, BC it makes you " addicted " and "side effects", and " if God made you have a period, it is nature, and it does bad if you stop". Bro. If I was cis she wouldn't be saying that.

I was at college, but I stopped to try another thing and study for it, but it didn't worked, so I will be back in September. But even like that, I don't have money to live at the city and it is full time class 🤡🤡. Just because that it is my college dream.

If I was not so hairy, and If I could, I would start hrt and girlmod. But I feel like my body hair would tell all. Idk if I could hide my voice well. I fear my beard will grow too fast (i am not even a beard fan. I wish to just have a thin mustache), and it have a shade. The smell I could hide. I would just need to take some good baths.

I will try my best to study. I am between the cross and sword. My lil brother is starting puberty (this shit have been dysphoric asf for me). If I go to college, I will not be able to start her prob, but I will have friends and a more LGBT friendly space. If I study and pass a test for work, I will get enough money to live alone, but not time to study at college. And the worst is that pmdd makes me dysfunctional 8-14 days by month. Kinda, bro 😭😭🙏🙏💔. What choose, do you believe that it is better? At least the public system will help me with hrt, but it takes some time to start

Note: being trans and liking or having liked more 'feminine' things doesn't make you less trans. Seeing your situation as more of an identity doesn't make you less trans, etc. I am also like some 'soft things'.

Thought that It could be helpful to post It here, bc you may can help me with the religious part and my evangelical mom. I also accept book recs.

I’m 19 (I’ll be 20 next month. Brazilian), I’m a pre-trans guy, my mom has known since I was 16, but she still hasn’t accepted me. She just keeps saying I have to change, that I don’t want to change.

I’m also going through some really tough stuff. My brother is hitting puberty and is already as tall as me or taller, and that makes my dysphoria go crazy. Studying or working is extremely difficult for me, not only because of the dysphoria, but also because I have PMDD. I try to study, but 10 days before my period, the dysphoria hits hard—bad feelings, some past traumas resurface, I have panic attacks and episodes where I can only cry and scream or hurt myself. I feel like I’m going to die young and won’t get to enjoy life, that God will kill me—not to mention my focus is completely shot.

She knows about these things, how bad I feel and everything. Even so, she keeps saying she’ll take me to a doctor, but she doesn’t. And I get the money thing, but she says she wants to take me to a homeopath or herbalist. A cup of chamomile tea isn’t going to fix this. And if there’s money for that, just go to a gynecologist or psychiatrist—I need to take antidepressants or birth control to treat this, and faith alone isn’t going to cure it. It’s impossible for me to get a job if I’m suffering like this. She says it’s only 8 days and that it’ll pass afterward, but it’s absolute hell

Since everything’s become unbearable and my PMS is over, I’m going to take this chance to try talking to her (I ended up just blurting some things out when I was in a crisis, because I couldn’t take it anymore). I’ll talk to her tomorrow when we’re alone. I don’t want to wear her out after she’s been working.

I’m going to tell her how, ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a boy and tried to suppress it, how at age 7 I prayed for a brother because I thought it would make me stop wanting to be a boy, that I’d be happy for him and live through him, that it didn’t work, that I wanted to have been born normal, that I hate disappointing her. That I tried to change, that I did my best, that I prayed, screamed, begged God, that I tried to suppress it and it was only leading me to bad places, and that God did nothing. I’m going to talk about PMDD, which is horrible and I didn’t choose to have it, that it is and will prevent me from having a normal life, a job, relationships. That seeing my brother go through what I wanted is killing me and making me feel worse day after day, that I don’t know how I’m going to manage to live like this, or have a good relationship with him (I love him, but it’s awful).

That if I try to live the way she does, either I’ll sink into something bad, or I’ll get married and make my husband and children have a horrible life.

That I don’t want to make her spend money, that I don’t want to make her suffer, or get in the way

That I feel like I lost my childhood, my adolescence, and I’m losing my youth, and I don’t want to lose the rest—that this life is too short

I’m going to tell her that I’m terrified things will only change when she’s old, or on her deathbed. That I don’t want to spend my life far away from her and I miss her so much, and that I don’t want to be the cause of all this. That I love her. And maybe at the end I’ll say that maybe the problem isn’t that I’m the one who needs to change. That maybe God wants her to change.

Then there’s my dad. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell him. It feels like I’m between a rock and a hard place. One moment I want to tell him, the next I’m afraid of how he’ll react.

Like, after one of my PMDD episodes when I’d calmed down, he came to hug me and started crying, saying he loves me, that he wants to go biking with me, that I’m smart, etc., and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, and he wants me to bake his birthday cake. I feel really guilty about it, and I started crying too. Like, even today I’m still in this limbo.

It got longer than what I wanted, lol

Asking here, because may you can advise me with the religious part and my AOG evangelical mother

’m 19 (I’ll be 20 next month. Brazilian), I’m a pre-trans guy, my mom has known since I was 16, but she still hasn’t accepted me. She just keeps saying I have to change, that I don’t want to change.

I’m also going through some really tough stuff. My brother is hitting puberty and is already as tall as me or taller, and that makes my dysphoria go crazy. Studying or working is extremely difficult for me, not only because of the dysphoria, but also because I have PMDD. I try to study, but 10 days before my period, the dysphoria hits hard—bad feelings, some past traumas resurface, I have panic attacks and episodes where I can only cry and scream or hurt myself. I feel like I’m going to die young and won’t get to enjoy life, that God will kill me—not to mention my focus is completely shot.

She knows about these things, how bad I feel and everything. Even so, she keeps saying she’ll take me to a doctor, but she doesn’t. And I get the money thing, but she says she wants to take me to a homeopath or herbalist. A cup of chamomile tea isn’t going to fix this. And if there’s money for that, just go to a gynecologist or psychiatrist—I need to take antidepressants or birth control to treat this, and faith alone isn’t going to cure it. It’s impossible for me to get a job if I’m suffering like this. She says it’s only 8 days and that it’ll pass afterward, but it’s absolute hell

Since everything’s become unbearable and my PMS is over, I’m going to take this chance to try talking to her (I ended up just blurting some things out when I was in a crisis, because I couldn’t take it anymore). I’ll talk to her tomorrow when we’re alone. I don’t want to wear her out after she’s been working.

I’m going to tell her how, ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a boy and tried to suppress it, how at age 7 I prayed for a brother because I thought it would make me stop wanting to be a boy, that I’d be happy for him and live through him, that it didn’t work, that I wanted to have been born normal, that I hate disappointing her. That I tried to change, that I did my best, that I prayed, screamed, begged God, that I tried to suppress it and it was only leading me to bad places, and that God did nothing. I’m going to talk about PMDD, which is horrible and I didn’t choose to have it, that it is and will prevent me from having a normal life, a job, relationships. That seeing my brother go through what I wanted is killing me and making me feel worse day after day, that I don’t know how I’m going to manage to live like this, or have a good relationship with him (I love him, but it’s awful).

That if I try to live the way she does, either I’ll sink into something bad, or I’ll get married and make my husband and children have a horrible life.

That I don’t want to make her spend money, that I don’t want to make her suffer, or get in the way

That I feel like I lost my childhood, my adolescence, and I’m losing my youth, and I don’t want to lose the rest—that this life is too short

I’m going to tell her that I’m terrified things will only change when she’s old, or on her deathbed. That I don’t want to spend my life far away from her and I miss her so much, and that I don’t want to be the cause of all this. That I love her. And maybe at the end I’ll say that maybe the problem isn’t that I’m the one who needs to change. That maybe God wants her to change.

Then there’s my dad. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell him. It feels like I’m between a rock and a hard place. One moment I want to tell him, the next I’m afraid of how he’ll react.

Like, after one of my PMDD episodes when I’d calmed down, he came to hug me and started crying, saying he loves me, that he wants to go biking with me, that I’m smart, etc., and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, and he wants me to bake his birthday cake. I feel really guilty about it, and I started crying too. Like, even today I’m still in this limbo.

It got longer than what I wanted, lol.

Love this sub, and thanks for the advice! English is not my native language and I used the translator

Edit: Forgot to say that I am not at risk of being expelled or physically assaulted

I’m 19 (I’ll be 20 next month. Brazilian), I’m a pre-trans guy, my mom has known since I was 16, but she still hasn’t accepted me. She just keeps saying I have to change, that I don’t want to change.

I’m also going through some really tough stuff. My brother is hitting puberty and is already as tall as me or taller, and that makes my dysphoria go crazy. Studying or working is extremely difficult for me, not only because of the dysphoria, but also because I have PMDD. I try to study, but 10 days before my period, the dysphoria hits hard—bad feelings, some past traumas resurface, I have panic attacks and episodes where I can only cry and scream or hurt myself. I feel like I’m going to die young and won’t get to enjoy life, that God will kill me—not to mention my focus is completely shot.

She knows about these things, how bad I feel and everything. Even so, she keeps saying she’ll take me to a doctor, but she doesn’t. And I get the money thing, but she says she wants to take me to a homeopath or herbalist. A cup of chamomile tea isn’t going to fix this. And if there’s money for that, just go to a gynecologist or psychiatrist—I need to take antidepressants or birth control to treat this, and faith alone isn’t going to cure it. It’s impossible for me to get a job if I’m suffering like this. She says it’s only 8 days and that it’ll pass afterward, but it’s absolute hell

Since everything’s become unbearable and my PMS is over, I’m going to take this chance to try talking to her (I ended up just blurting some things out when I was in a crisis, because I couldn’t take it anymore). I’ll talk to her tomorrow when we’re alone. I don’t want to wear her out after she’s been working.

I’m going to tell her how, ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a boy and tried to suppress it, how at age 7 I prayed for a brother because I thought it would make me stop wanting to be a boy, that I’d be happy for him and live through him, that it didn’t work, that I wanted to have been born normal, that I hate disappointing her. That I tried to change, that I did my best, that I prayed, screamed, begged God, that I tried to suppress it and it was only leading me to bad places, and that God did nothing. I’m going to talk about PMDD, which is horrible and I didn’t choose to have it, that it is and will prevent me from having a normal life, a job, relationships. That seeing my brother go through what I wanted is killing me and making me feel worse day after day, that I don’t know how I’m going to manage to live like this, or have a good relationship with him (I love him, but it’s awful).

That if I try to live the way she does, either I’ll sink into something bad, or I’ll get married and make my husband and children have a horrible life.

That I don’t want to make her spend money, that I don’t want to make her suffer, or get in the way

That I feel like I lost my childhood, my adolescence, and I’m losing my youth, and I don’t want to lose the rest—that this life is too short

I’m going to tell her that I’m terrified things will only change when she’s old, or on her deathbed. That I don’t want to spend my life far away from her and I miss her so much, and that I don’t want to be the cause of all this. That I love her. And maybe at the end I’ll say that maybe the problem isn’t that I’m the one who needs to change. That maybe God wants her to change.

Then there’s my dad. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell him. It feels like I’m between a rock and a hard place. One moment I want to tell him, the next I’m afraid of how he’ll react.

Like, after one of my PMDD episodes when I’d calmed down, he came to hug me and started crying, saying he loves me, that he wants to go biking with me, that I’m smart, etc., and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, and he wants me to bake his birthday cake. I feel really guilty about it, and I started crying too. Like, even today I’m still in this limbo.

It got longer than what I wanted, lol