u/ggggedgyt

Hi. Would like some advice please. I (24F) have been dating my fiancé since college freshman year. We’re engaged as of 2024 and have wedding in 4 ish months.

Long story short, pretty quickly after getting engaged, my fiancé (alone) went out to a strip club after the bar with his friend. I was out of town. He claims he was blacked out and doesn’t remember but I found the charges on his phone attempting to go thru. They didn’t work, long story short I guess he decided he might get caught, so he hid his phone down the street after leaving briefly and then came back in.

Following day, his mom calls asking where all these “fraud-looking” charges came from. Also saying she hasn’t heard from him and asked me to Life360. When I did, I pinged his phone being in the middle of the road. Shortly after, I heard from him that he just got back from Apple bc he bought a phone. Said he doesn’t remember what happened but had bloody arms and hands and insinuated a time or 2 he may have been mugged. Then when I got nervous said he was positive he didn’t and he just fell.

Few days later on a walk I redirect us to the strip club where I go in by myself (he refused to get any closer than a block) and ask to see the footage saying he was mugged outside. After watching some footage, I went home and told him that he could either come clean or leave. He told me he pawned his speaker to get cash back making up for the cash missing from his card from a lap dance he bought. They kicked me out pretty quickly after realizing I was watching inside footage so I just got to see him coming in and withdrawing money and getting a drink. But he originally told me he went in there to care for his scrapes, which I was able to see was a lie via the footage. No scrapes until he tried to hide his phone under a trash can.

Side note - he has always known strip clubs are cheating in my book. Flash forward about a year. We’re working through this and are working on regaining trust. He slowed (and now is back to the same level) drinking alcohol, works out a lot more, and seems a little bit more caring.

Problem is - last Friday, he was blacked out again in the bar. With me this time, but when I came out of the bathroom he was very heavily flirting with another girl at the bar. Enough so that I filmed part of it (although you can only see from the waist down and there’s nothing happening there) and when he turns around to look around and see if I’m there, he looks so embarrassed. I asked the surrounding people if they saw anything but bartender lied and the girl ran. I told him if he could explain it now that we would be ok, and he promptly went to go stand outside the bar alone instead.

What should I do?

Hi. Would like some advice please. I (24F) have been dating my fiancé since college freshman year. We’re engaged as of 2024 and have wedding in 4 ish months.

Long story short, pretty quickly after getting engaged, my fiancé (alone) went out to a strip club after the bar with his friend. I was out of town. He claims he was blacked out and doesn’t remember but I found the charges on his phone attempting to go thru. They didn’t work, long story short I guess he decided he might get caught, so he hid his phone down the street after leaving briefly and then came back in.

Following day, his mom calls asking where all these “fraud-looking” charges came from. Also saying she hasn’t heard from him and asked me to Life360. When I did, I pinged his phone being in the middle of the road. Shortly after, I heard from him that he just got back from Apple bc he bought a phone. Said he doesn’t remember what happened but had bloody arms and hands and insinuated a time or 2 he may have been mugged. Then when I got nervous said he was positive he didn’t and he just fell.

Few days later and something just isn’t sitting right in my gut so on a walk I redirect us to the strip club where I go in by myself (he refused to get any closer than a block) and ask to see the footage saying he was mugged outside. After watching some footage, I went home and told him that he could either come clean or leave. He told me he pawned his speaker to get cash back making up for the cash missing from his card from a lap dance he bought. They kicked me out pretty quickly after realizing I was watching inside footage so I just got to see him coming in and withdrawing money and getting a drink. But he originally told me he went in there to care for his scrapes, which I was able to see was a lie via the footage. No scrapes until he tried to hide his phone under a trash can.

Side note - he has always known strip clubs are cheating in my book. Never went to them on formal, they really just gross me out and make me mad. Flash forward about a year. We’re somehow worked through this and are working on regaining trust. He slowed (and now is back to the same level) drinking alcohol, works out a lot more, and seems a little bit more caring.

Problem is - last Friday, he was blacked out again in the bar. With me this time, but when I came out of the bathroom he was very heavily flirting with another girl at the bar. Enough so that I filmed part of it (although you can only see from the waist down and there’s nothing happening there) and when he turns around to look around and see if I’m there, he looks so embarrassed. I asked the surrounding people if they saw anything but bartender lied and the girl ran. I told him if he could explain it now that we would be ok, and he promptly went to go stand outside the bar alone instead.

What do I do? It’s hard to feel safe and like I’m really a prize if he acts like this. It’s very confusing because he knew how much the strip club thing meant to me. Now this??