How do I bring myself out of this further collapse which seems impossible to deal with?
I’m 25 and I feel like I’ve spent the last few years collapsing inward mentally.
I became extremely self-aware and analytical to the point where I stopped really living life and mostly started observing myself instead. I replay conversations for years, imagine scenarios constantly, obsess over tiny social interactions, absorb people’s judgments way too deeply, and build my identity around them. If someone says something negative about me, I start feeling like it must secretly be true.
I’ve isolated myself heavily because of shame and ended up creating fake narratives about my life so people wouldn’t question what I’m doing. The truth is I’ve spent years depressed, stuck, avoiding life, and living almost entirely in my own head. I have not learned any skills to live life and earn money, make bonds etc.
I distanced myself from friends because I couldn’t tolerate being seen while also not being able to truly open up. At the same time, I still deeply crave belonging. Even small casual interactions with strangers can emotionally affect me a lot because I feel so disconnected from normal life.
I honestly just want to know if anyone else has experienced this level of self-consciousness, shame, isolation, and mental looping. It feels like I stared too deeply into myself for too long and forgot how to naturally exist.