u/giddyupponyta

I am struggling with a friend. We have been friends a little over a year. Not only am I a lesbian but I am (although I know not everyone agrees with the term), a misandrist in the sense. My friend is quite male centered. She surrounds her life with different men, saying she is using them and yet it is a constant of her excusing and coddling their negative behavior, and they all start out as a relationship. She brings forward issues with them and then will excuse it while at times telling me it was not actually a big deal, after I have spent time messaging my thoughts and concerns because I do care about the women in my life. I do not take friendships lightly. I have very recent, taken a step back from it. I have told her right out how I feel. I want to be a mellow friend who can let people do their thing; but I also get irritated in coddling of behavior and excusing of it. Especially when it also upsets her, even while she is claiming it not a big deal in the next moment. She will also make excuses for why she allows it in herself, why she feels the need to play therapist to them or fix them. Which I do not understand if you are only using them (although all have started out as a relationship too), why there is that desire to do so.

I will be honest it has been a hard friendship for me. I have gotten upset and felt "used" for lack of a better term, after she would bring a negative to my attention, I spend a lot of time saying what I think that comes to her best interest, and then she told me it was not a big deal. I have gotten tired of a new man constantly entering the picture. Tired of every conversation men eventually coming up. Tired from taking the time to want her best interest but it seeming she does not want it for herself.

I do not know if the friendship is compatable. If her and I are too different? If my harsher outlook on men and the patriarchy is too much for the friendship? After over a year of being friends, she never has asked me one question about me, we always talk about her, and her men. Which I do not always throw a lot about myself out there, but it does kinda make me wonder if that says something too. But I also have read at times that can be normal from people depending on different things.

There is another thing but I do not know if this is the place for it, where I am a little iffed about an age gap with her and one of the guys, with her being older. That goes against my morals for the ages they are. But there is such mixed opinion on it where although it does bother me personally in my beliefs, others might not care. But it reminds me so much of grooming but she says how at least he has a safe person to explore with. We are in our 30s and she dated him freshly 20 and still has a sub/dom thing going on with him even though they broke up. I do not like the guy, but I also know that specific age range is an imbalance of power because we are nowhere near the same developmentaly wise.

I just needed a place to get thoughts or advice, and figured why not make a reddit account? I have been thinking about this a lot, and wonder if parting ways is best? I hate to give up on someone though, especially who has been going through it due to circumstances in their life. I care but I am burnt out. Which I have told her, I have been honest to her as I never want to be a fake friend to anyone.

To add, sometimes when we talk she will throw in how she gets I hate men and blaaaank, but I do not say things because /I hate men/, I say things because I am speaking from what is brought to my attention from their actions and words. 😣