u/gingerinthetea

I am already dreading the holidays. I already know that my husband's family will be a cluster f. We will be hosting a sibling Christmas because last year my husband ( or I) wasn't invited to his dad's Christmas. I have two littles and I would love for my FIL to want to spend a few hours with us this Christmas season. Well not my actual FIL I want a FIL who loves his grandchildren. I wish my husband had a dad who was excited to do a single holiday activity with our kids. I'm dreading the jealousy the sweeps over me when I see my peers have in laws who show up for Christmas. I am already prepared for triangulation that FILs wife will try when she hears about sibling Christmas. She has added a few of our literal neighbors on Facebook, yet they are totally uninterested in our actual children and their lives.

I'm tired of absent grandparents who won't show up for us, but will complain if we do something for ourselves.

My husband's youngest sister has been officially diagnosed with biopolar 1. He has one cousin who also has this diagnosis and a grandparent who was discharged from the military then acquitted of some crimes due to insanity in the 70s. His family has said that grandparent most likely had biopolar 1 like cousin does. His family was hush hush about it until my sil was diagnosed.

I have a 1st cousin once removed who has biopolar 2 and his son does as well. They are both fairly open about it especially on social media. In looking back at first cousins mom's life, I believe she had it as well.

I already have two children, I know that their risk is higher from having a second degree relative with the disease [5%?] Phychosis has been scary to see. Could someone help me ballpark their increased chances of developing biopolar 1?

I am bombarded with ads for it all the time. I don't want to take my kid someplace that costs 55 dollars with porta pottys and no showers. Here is my non exhaustive list of water alternatives, please add more

Pine Lake Water Park- Bern

Deep River Water Park- Valpo

Indiana Beach- Monticello

Holiday World- Santa Clause

Brown County- Nashville

Koko Beach- Kokoamo

Ideal Beach- Elkhart

As title said fil found out we are 7 months pregnant baby is due on labor day. He blew up husband's phone calling like 15 times in a row while my husband was at work. My husband thought something tragic must be happening and answers. Retired fil and his current wife go on the attack. Asking my husband if its true? Immediately going in on husband that need to "include him" in things if we want him to "be our kids' grandpa" like he has a say over biology. He then laid out his "boundaries" for what he needs from us for him to be in our families life. It was a lot of make sure my wife feels like this at this holiday and she experiences this at this point of your child's life. The icing on the cake is he threatened no contact if my husband didn't immediately agree to us attending family therapy with them. Thankfully, my husband was able to say we can't meet those expectations and thanked his dad for calling.

I'm incredibly frustrated with the in laws. Firstly, you don't threaten to not be a grandparent to a child. Children especially babies and toddlers deserve unconditional love. Secondly, boundaries are fine, but healthy parent's can't expect their adult children and grandchildren to constantly focus on how their current spouse feels. Kids suck sometimes, I remember staining my grandmas carpet with fake Halloween blood. I'm sure she wasn't thrilled, but she didn't cut me off at eight years old. Third, family therapy as an ultimatum sucks. It feels like we are "the problem" for saying no.

Edit: I'm not sure what im looking for in this post. I just wanted to shared with people who are also in the camp of absent grandparents. My toddler has met her grandpa all of one time. I don't really like that he thinks he is a Christian martyr for this situation. He had also demanded an apology from us for putting him in such a difficult situation.

CONTEXT My fil has seen my almost two year old once. When she was still an infant. He claims he is a very involved grandpa because he prays for her. He has expressed annoyance that I the DIL don't plan, cordinate, and, facilitate grandparents time. I have continued to not do those things for him. FIL does know I drive 4 plus hours to see my own eldery grandma and even older great aunt. I aim to do this once at least once a month. I do this because both can no longer drive or take care of themselves. I don't consider this to be putting in more effort to my family. My grandparents spent loads of time with us kids as did my great aunt. I genuinely enjoy seeing them and they love my daughter.

Husband and I saw him and his current wife once this fall without my daughter. He hasn't reached out other than Merry Christmas here is 100 dollars. My husband has tired to call twice since but retired fil was very busy and would get back to him... never did. Both of his siblings have spoken to him somewhat recently so we know he is alive.

I'm now almost halfway thru the second trimester we don't know what to do.

I NEED HELP WITH PROS AND CONS OF EACH OPTION.

1. We send a text we are pregnant and due in x months_

2. Send a text after baby is born

3. Send a birth announcement

4. Send our normal photo Christmas card and just let them figure it out.