i think my ex boyfriend might have assaulted his sister. TW : COCSA, PTSD
i apologize if this is the wrong subreddit. this is my first post and i’m extremely just like bewildered.
i (22f) was in an incredibly abusive relationship with someone (25m) from 2020-2023. the abuse was sexual more than anything i think, and after doing some reflecting last night, i don’t think i was the only victim.
when he was around four years old, his family had decided to adopt a baby. i sort of remember him telling me that he was upset because all of the attention he once had was now going to her, and that it caused some tension between him and his family (i think mostly his dad?). this is a white family, and his adopted sister is mexican. i think his distain for her definitely manifested in very racist ways, as the longer i was trapped in that relationship with him, the more he would open up about how extremely right wing he was.
around 4-6 years old, she apparently started to become extremely hyper sexual, like m\*sturbating all the time despite not knowing what it is. apparently it was so bad they had to take her to a child therapist for it. she also stopped showering completely for years and years, just absolutely refused. they thought maybe it was a water phobia or an autistic sensory issue. (turned out to be neither???) she has absolutely no social skills when it comes to family, especially him. as a teenager (when i came to know her) she apparently would m\*sturbate using his personal belongings and would also do it in shared living spaces with him and his mother home. she also has a history of pulling out her hair and I THINK self harm but i don’t remember that one for sure. she seemed very depressed. never left her room, grew up to have awful relationships with older men, very very very strange behavior surrounding her brother. they share an older brother but she seemed very normal around him.
so, here’s this boy who fucking hates his new little sister and never grew out of it, and a little girl who has exhibited major signs of CSA virtually her whole life. he stated he was mean to her when they were kids, didn’t like that she took the spotlight, and will never ever like or love her. he became very weird, mean, almost upset whenever i’d bring her up or try to connect with her. he ended up hating poc, women, and was extremely against adoption. he sexually abused me for three years, and towards the end of the relationship had driven one of his best friends away for inappropriately touching her and making her uncomfortable.
so here’s my theory. i think he did it to have some sort of power over her. perhaps some of her sexual behavior was her trying to understand what happened? almost all signs point to ptsd & cocsa. the intense hypersexuality, the trichotillomania, weirdness around family, horrible relationships with men, horrible relationship with her brother, refusal to shower, naked and/or sexual behavior towards or around him. his lifelong disgust and hatred towards her, his extreme history of being sexually abusive. it all makes perfect sense to me.
here’s where i don’t know if i’m connecting dots that aren’t actually there (perhaps i’m biased due to my own trauma? or maybe i really am clearly seeing the signs?) and i don’t really know where to go from here, so i desperately need some advice. i have no way of contacting her, nor do i necessarily want to, because if i am correct, i don’t want to open up her old wounds. i’m also terrified of contacting him, as he literally spent three years wanting to actually murder me. WHAT DO I DO. i fucking hate him and i’m terrified and my heart breaks for this little girl. WHAT DO I DO.