u/goldie_petalsx

so my sister (27) has been with her boyfriend (33) for about a year, hes one of those "brutal honesty" types, says things that are quietly cruel and then leans on the fact that hes "just being honest" when anyone pushes back. shes told me a few times that hes not malicious, hes just direct, and that we should get used to it.

bit of context, im 35 and im in the middle of a divorce, my husband of eight years and i decided to separate four months ago, were doing it amicably, joint counselling, sorting the house, all of it as good as it can be. its still the hardest year of my life and the family knows i dont want to talk about it at every gathering.

we were at my mums 60th last weekend, about twenty of us at the house, food, wine, my mums favourite people. midway through dinner my sisters boyfriend turned to me with that little half smile he does and asked how things were going with my ex, and before i could brush it off he said "honestly though, anyone could see this coming a mile off, you were always the more intense one and that kind of energy doesnt last in a long marriage."

i went still for a second, my sister did the little laugh she does to defuse him, my mum looked into her plate, and i just looked at him and said "interesting take from a man whose own relationships have never made it past eighteen months, tell me, was the last one the intense one or were they all intense ones."

the table went silent then about three people started laughing, he stood up, said he wasnt going to sit here and be attacked, and walked out. my sister went after him.

AITA?

my brother and i have always had a complicated dynamic. hes the one my parents built their world around and ive spent most of my life being measured against him. im used to it. its exhausting but im used to it

when his graduation party came around i was invited but my boyfriend wasnt. my parents said it was a small gathering and space was limited. i looked around at the guest list and counted at least a few people who were less close to my brother than my boyfriend is and i said nothing because i didnt want to start something

so i showed up alone

about an hour in i found out why my boyfriend had actually been excluded. my parents had approached him a few weeks earlier and asked him to handle the photography for the party for free because hes a professional photographer and family helps family. he had said no because he charges for his work regardless of who is asking. and my parents had apparently decided that if he wasnt gonna contribute he wasnt gonna attend

i found this out from my aunt who assumed i already knew

i stepped outside and called my boyfriend. asked him to come. told him to bring his camera and charge them his full day rate if anyone asked him to take a single photo

he came. he was extremely gracious and didnt take a single photo unprompted

my parents noticed him immediately and the whole atmosphere changed. by the end of the night id been pulled aside twice and lectured about disrespecting my brothers event

i told them my brothers event was fine. my parents manipulation of my boyfriend was not

AITA?