u/graciest

I (31F) previously was on Nardil 45mg for about a year and had physical side effects like hypotension and fatigue but loved what it did for my anxiety and mental health - felt like a new person!

When I got pregnant / was breastfeeding I came off and since then had wanted to try getting back on Nardil.

I ramped up pretty quick (to 45mg in a few days) just bc I knew I had done ok before but my experience this time was horrible - I had about a week of feeling absolutely foggy like (gaba overload?) Felt almost drunk / hazy / tired and then it was like a light switched and that haze lifted but I became SO anxious. Could hardly sleep and just felt like pure adrenaline overload 24/7. Was making me feel so panicked and emotional constantly that I didn’t make it past six weeks.

Why would I have such a different reaction? Has this happened to anyone else?

My (30F) fiance (30M) and I dated briefly before having our daughter (1). While I obviously don’t regret having my daughter at all, I do look back and feel like I perhaps didn’t understand how much autonomy I had at the time - I felt like I had to proceed with it, had to move in with him (across country) and really kind of had to meld to what he had decided since he’s in the military.

I think the beginning of our relationship there were a lot of things I just put up with that individually didn’t seem huge but became massive resentments over time. He’s much more aware now since I’ve voiced these many times and has been making steps to correct but my core feeling is that a lot of these feel so deep and such boundary violations of my own that I don’t know if I can get past it - see below:

- I had an established corporate career thag I basically stagnated in order to go remote

-left a beautiful home I owned to move across country for him - where initially he wanted to charge me rent (his pregnant gf)

- wouldn’t help my moving expenses

-barely engaged my family - still not fb friends and even though i regularly see his family and chat with them he refuses to even be a part of my family group chat

- claims he’ll eventually snap on my mom (she’s not perfect but I’ve never had this kind of reaction from any friends / family)

-we went out a few weeks postpartum and he had a few drinks and was carrying our newborn in her car seat on top of his shoulder with one hand - I still feel rage thinking about this one

- his last month of paternity leave (after I had already gone back) he got an award from his video game for playing 180+ hours

We have been engaged for about six months now and we really don’t talk about the actual wedding at all. I don’t like when people ask and I have this dread / gut feeling when it gets brought up. And I don’t see myself or my family feeling proud of myself if I did marry him.

But breaking it off also means he would be long distance from his daughter which feels heart breaking. But at the same time I feel like I’m doing all this just to avoid hurting him. Which is ironic.

TL;dr have long standing resentment with fiance and don’t know whether I should proceed with marriage in hopes he will continue to change for sake of our daughter?