u/gratefully-insane

I know this is addiction talking so I'm just going to let it speak here.

I am over a month of sobriety now from all substances but since this is the community for sobriety from marijuana i'll stick to that.

With it being some time apart from the substance, this thought of curiosity is coming in lately.

"What would happen if i smoked again?"
"Would it feel different?"
"Since I've proven i can go without it am I even still addicted to it?"
"If i just smoke a little bit what will happen?"

Most of the answers i'm receiving back from myself is that I will regret it. It will probably make me feel anxious. I know my past with it and I had shown myself time and time again that I abuse rather than use.

then another one comes in

"is it not different now?"
"Why can other people smoke and I can't?"
"I am a new version of myself so might it just be a new way of using?"

No

I don't want to give up on everything I have worked so hard for.

Every time I am around it and choose not to do it, I feel empowered, I feel closer to my "higher" self. The self that doesn't need anything to be high.

I will not give up on myself.

Curiosity in some aspects creates room for well, creativity... maybe that's what it is. I relied on marijuana to bring my creativity for a long time.

I have been creating without it but I don't feel that constant desire to create all the time like I did when i was smoking. Maybe that's a good thing because I am allowing inspiration to happen naturally. That just seems to take more time and less control for that to happen. But even when i was smoking and felt creativity inspired all the time I wasn't actively creating all the time. I was lazy and would more often than not choose to watch TV instead of create. Now TV is mostly boring and I find myself getting very distracted when I am consuming something... which often leads me to turn on the screen and go do something more fulfilling.

When i was stoned I would just rot in bed and over consume...

I guess that's all just wanted to dump my thoughts somewhere

Thanks 🙏🏼

Hey yall...
So i'm feeling called to come back this year. I had very strongly decided I would not be coming to Big Dub this year. For many reasons honestly. Primarily now my only lingering reason is because I am sober.

I am not willing to risk my sobriety, at the same time, I want to be back on the mountain with the family and have some fucking fun with yall.

I have made so many connections there. This would be my 5th year if I were to come.
Last year was strange for me. I was already on my sobriety journey but still in active addiction so I was just battling demons the whole weekend.
Ketamine was fully convincing me I was going to die, but I didn't care and kept doing it. I was physically feeling a huge toll on my body, mind, and overall well being. I was in a really bad spot...

Therefore to think about coming back knowing where I am now, I can't risk putting myself in that position again.

I guess i'm making this post to reach out...

Are there any other big dubbers who dub sober?

I know anything is possible if you set your mind to it but it would be really nice to not only know that there are others but to also hopefully connect with you all.

Everyone who I know going will likely be on a substance if not all the time, especially during the music and stuff. Which is perfect for me because I love music and dancing and do not need anything to let loose....

I just don't want to have to isolate myself or run away from my friends if I am around it. I don't want anyone to offer anything, and I really don't want to want to do anything...

THIS IS NO JUDGEMENT. This is me knowing what is best for myself and knowing my faults...

I really want to be able to experience Big Dub with you all this year... I hope more than anything I find the strength, encouragement, and support I need to be able to make this happen.

I love you all.

TLDR: I am sober and want to come to big dub this year... is it possible? Is there anyone else who dubs sober?

I I just and I mean, literally just had this moment of synchronicity and meditation and alignment. I'm always curious if others are possibly experiencing the same thing or something along those lines. So essentially without getting into the whole details of everything that would be just like painstaking to try to even explain, I was led to this conclusion and comforting thought... to not worry because humanity will return to what it was meant to be from the beginning.. which is very interesting to me. I felt this before, but this time I felt almost like way too comforting, especially because of what I just had processed before having that thought. Anyway, much love to you all. I guess. Maybe we all be with each other through whatever does happen or does not happen. I don't know... or do I...

or maybe I'm interpreting too much outwardly rather than inwardly... hmmmmmmmmmmm