u/greenpopcornflower

I’m 25 years old and entering a new phase in life, just graduated from grad school, new job, new city, and I feel like I need to just start over. My long term relationship is very precarious right now and I’m just not happy at all with where I am in life. I have this urge to just completely stop talking to my old friends from grad school (friendships were not super deep) because I feel like they don’t fit in my new life that I might be entering. Everyone is in a relationship as well and I feel like if I’m single in the future then these friends (all who are extremely relationship centered and honestly I feel like were pretty surface level) will make me feel so much more sad and isolated. I don’t even feel comfortable telling any of these friends about the relationship struggles I’m going through. I don’t know if I’m being irrational and crazy. I have friends from high school and college in this new city and I feel like I should be reconnecting with them or just trying to make new friends instead and working more on myself, because my grad school friends don’t make me happy.

I’ve (26F) already decided to estrange myself and go no contact with my parents who have constantly hurt me and blown up at me for making reasonable requests, establishing normal, healthy boundaries, and for ruining my law school graduation. For example, I asked my dad to put down the toilet seat or I asked my mom not to wear slippers in the bathroom in my apartment (I tried asking in as kindly and calmly as possible) and they blew up at me for being ungrateful and entitled by making them feel dirty and trying to control them (because I have OCD and have specific house rules about not wearing outside clothes on my bed). They were mad at me for asking them to get a hotel for my graduation because I felt too much stress about hosting my 3 family members in my 1 bedroom apartment but allowed my partner to stay with me (he actually lives with me and pays for rent). In addition they said a lot of awful things about my partner of 5 years because they think he is not good enough for me (racist and classist reasons). This was a tipping point for me because of how they treated my partner at my law school graduation and ruined this extremely special moment in my life by making it about their ego, entitlement, and bigotry.

I know this is the only way they will actually change and learn their lesson but a part of me is in such deep pain because I know they love me so much and have sacrificed a lot for my success (which ultimately does raise their social status and prestige in our communities). They are both extremely flawed with lots of parental trauma themselves, mentally ill, and immigrants so I have always been deemed too American for voicing my opinion or standing up for myself. Nothing is an excuse for their behavior, but as I am getting prepared to send the letter explaining my decision I can’t help but just feel immense sadness and guilt. A part of me always forgave them before because I had their approval and love, which drove my desire to be successful and have high academic achievements. Becuase I did end up being successful, my parents have always told me how proud they are of me. They haven’t really financially supported me much the past 3 years so that part has mostly gone but it’s mostly just knowing that they love me so much and in their own fucked up way they think they are looking in my best interest. My parents are not always awful and abusive — most of the time they are kind and loving and make me feel validated in my successes — I know this doesn’t make it okay, but it complicates the relationship behind them just being awful parents. They were selfish at my graduation by blowing up at me and being awful towards my boyfriend. I know that alone should be enough to justify cutting them off but I am having a lot of trouble because I know this isn’t a common occurrence. My brother also told me that they know they were in the wrong for doing this at my graduation but I’m just really conflicted because I’m hurt but also sad about severing our relationship.