u/grimmpitch

We went to the beach and rain just started pouring out of the sky out of nowhere. So I immediately jump up and start packing our stuff up as quickly as I can. She’s literally standing there screaming “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!” and she’s crying. I get it, storms can be scary. I thought she would follow suit eventually and start packing. But no.. I had to basically hold her hand and tell her exactly what to do step by step. It felt like I was handling a toddler. Mind you, she’s my big sister, a high school teacher, and she’s in her 30’s. Normally she would be the one who would take the lead in situations like this. So I was very surprised to find myself in this leadership role.

She cried all the way back to the hotel and was insistently blaming the rest of our family for not coming out in the rain to help us. I explained to her that we handled it ourselves and we didn’t need to be rescued. Like we are actually okay! She stomps into the hotel room and is biting everyone’s head off about not coming to help. I just couldn’t be bothered to feed into this tantrum. We were stuck in the rain.. not a tsunami.

The next day I had a moment alone with my cousin who rode down with my sister to the beach. She was telling me how dependent my sister was on chat gpt. My sister told my cousin that chat gpt is her therapist and basically the only one who “gets” her. Also an unfortunate event happened on their way to the beach. My other sister who’s pregnant had to make multiple stops to go to the bathroom. It got so bad that they had to make a trip to the hospital. (She’s okay and the baby too!) My cousin told me that my older sister had to call her husband to ask him to ask chatgpt what to do and wanted him to ask what was wrong with our pregnant sister. My pregnant sister hadn’t even told her own husband what was going on and didn’t really want to get more people involved in her business.

She has really lost her ability to problem solve and it’s so sad seeing what chat gpt has turned her into. She gets very irate when anyone disagrees with her. It has truly turned her into a brain dead nightmare. I used to see her as a very put together person but she couldn’t be further from that. I’ve also had suspicions that she could also be a narcissist with chat GPT which is just making it all worse.

Anyone else seeing this happen to loved ones?

I was diagnosed with a lower back congenital condition called Bertolottis Syndrome back in 2021. It’s progressively gotten worse over the years. I basically have an extra set of vertebrae that rubs against my pelvic bone. I can do maybe 10 minutes give or take of walking, standing, and sitting. Also causes my thighs to overwork leaving me in pain. Most people don’t even know they have it and a lot of doctors miss it. I mostly lay around the house drawing or trying something to distract myself from the pain. Living with chronic pain is mentally exhausting and I know yall can relate. I have a super supportive hardworking hubby that never questions my pain and is always 100% there for me the most <3

I have two very good friends that I used to hangout with separately. I’ve been friends with both of them for about and year or so. They’ve always known about my condition but since my mobility has gotten worse, it’s definitely caused a bit of a drift. Having to constantly cancel plans and play it by ear, absolutely sucks. I know it has to wear on them bc they put time aside just for me and I’m unable to follow through most of the time. It’s gotta be frustrating on their end.

Here’s where the story begins..

I had a spinal fusion surgery that made me extremely depressed after realizing that the opioids were the only reason why I felt better. I was still in a great amount of pain post surgery. It was also my first surgery so I thought I’d be cured overnight smh.. Anyways, my two very good friends coordinated with my husband to throw a surprise just for me to help me feel better. On that day, my husband told me that I’d need to sign for a package and to keep an eye out for it. I didn’t ask questions why would I? lol so low and behold, I had a knock at the door and it was my two beautiful best friends. I immediately start balling my eyes out and was overwhelmed with happiness and in absolute shock of seeing both of them at my door. They take me to a nice shaded spot right by my creek. They had a table that looked like a straight up dessert table for a queen! It was perfect and my best friends were finally meeting each other in person. I was elated! They stayed for a while until it got dark. I slept so good that night! I’m also a super emotional person so I had a really good cry after they left. Not bc I missed them (I did of course!) but because I was just overwhelmed with so much joy, fun, and excitement. So of course my spirits had been significantly lifted.

But this high would only last a day and a half..

Me and one of my friends like to send each other voice memos. It allows us to think about what we want to say in response. Well, we’ve been planning and seriously talking about having a business together throughout our entire relationship that’s still in very early stages. I sent her a memo gushing about the sweet surprise that they threw me and apologized for not being super focused on business stuff bc of my depression and pain.

Their response absolutely sucked the life out of me..

They replied with saying we can’t just wash our hands clean of my condition and that we should hold off on doing business together.. that absolutely broke me. So much anger bubbled up inside of me. Angry at myself for having surgery that only made my pain worse. Angry that I didn’t feel like I had a say in the matter. Angry that it was presented so carelessly.

I gave myself time to compose myself and responded back how I didn’t appreciate them dropping such news so casually. That it should have been something you wanted to speak more in depth about over the phone or in person. I also don’t appreciate them deciding what’s best for me and that I have a choice whether or not I want to have this business. I made the point that businesses have back of house duties like maintaining social media and making promotional material. Their response was “what are your top 5 goals for this business?” They also said that I can go ahead and do social media stuff for our business (which doesn’t even exist on the internet yet. We also don’t have a logo yet.. ) So I’d be opening the social media accounts. That’s not something I want to do alone and I’m surely not going to answer their weird job interview questions.. our business was based on whimsy and Pinterest boards. Very early stages! So I told them exactly how I felt and that I needed space and time to think for a while. They apologized and responded by saying that they were only thinking of me and what’s best for me. Idk but it seems like they only have their own best interest in mind. It’s crazy how quickly my happiness turned into nasty resentment and depression bc I’m once again reminded how much being in constant pain sucks.

I eventually came around to talk to them about how I felt and I understood that their intentions meant well but it still left a bruise on our relationship. We’ve hung out one on one and something just feels missing even though we always have a good time together.

It only gets worse from here..

Ever since my two friends met in person, my other friend started a group chat for the 3 of us. It’s like watching a live chat between my friends. Of course I try to add to the conversation but a lot of the time I feel like they could easily talk about things amongst themselves that I have nothing to do with. I’ve texted them separately only to be told to text the group about it. The friend that backed out of sharing a business with me vends at art events (which is how we met) Now that my condition has limited my capability to produce enough art to sell, I no longer vend my art. We were all supposed to go to an event together that my art friend is vending at and stay the weekend but I had to cancel because of my condition. They’ll send outfits to the group chat of what they are going to wear that weekend. While I like being included in this way, I also feel conflicted because it reminds me that I can’t go because of my pain. They also talk about setup for the event constantly which just makes me miss vending so badly but.. you guessed it! Can’t do anymore because of my pain. They’ll ask for suggestions just to be responded to with “I think we got it unless you have any better ideas or suggestions” again I am asking myself “why the fuck am I here?!” My heart wants to spend time with friends and worry about the pain later. Well the more you learn about what your body can’t do.. the more you just want to protect yourself from your own pain. My heart thinks before my head does but I’m working on changing that which requires turning down a lot of plans. Why can’t we have light hearted conversations about other things? Our conversations always get interrupted with plans that don’t include me and constant reminders that I basically can’t do much of anything that requires mental and physical energy. I’m so exhausted.

I can’t help but feel fomo and incredibly jealous..

Apparently they’ve been talking on the phone a lot and making plans to go do things together and insist on me finding a wheelchair as if that will fix my pain. Again sitting, standing, and walking hurt. Existence is PAIN. But they will talk about their plans together that I’m not part of in the group chat. I’m asking myself “why am I here” constantly in a group chat.. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve shared my art with them in the group chat and different ideas that I’ve been having about the things I used to do and it gets dismissed pretty quickly. I really don’t have a lot going on. I spend a lot of time in bed and so I get trapped in my head while already feeling like a prisoner in my own body. Meanwhile I feel like my two best friends are becoming closer than my original bonds with them. I just feel like I’m in their back pocket. I’m super jealous!!!

If I was “normal” I wouldn’t be feeling this way. I love merging my friends together and I love to travel which is something I’m having to do less of. Not really sure what I have to offer in a friendship anymore.

I know they have good intentions but their lack of awareness is really wearing me out and honestly turning me into a bitter person. My hubby is super supportive and comforting but he definitely deserves a break from my venting. I’m in between therapists which has also been exhausting. I have no idea what to do in this situation. I turn to Reddit bc I’m at my breaking point. Any advice or any personal stories are welcome and appreciated <3