u/grumpy-seal

I just keep thinking about the unfairness of everything. The way they targeted me specifically (black sheep) for no reason. The way they continued those behaviours into my adult life and constantly lie about me behind my back and disrespect me. I'm so angry. They have lied about me so much and I can't do anything to change that. And they mistreated me so badly.

I think about it so often. While I'm grocery shopping, cleaning, washing the dishes, crocheting.... It's so annoying.

I cut contact. My life has changed a lot and is so much better after cutting the narcissists out of my life. But the thoughts just don't seem to stop. Its really the unfairness of everything that won't leave my mind.

How do you guys deal with the constant little daily rejections that come with having autism/adhd?

For example, I go to the same two coffeeshops in my town on almost a daily basis. I’ve been going for almost 10 years. I smile, I’m polite, always say please and thank you yet they clearly dislike me for reasons I can’t understand. I think it’s just the automatic dislike that autistic people face and I’ve accepted it’s nothing I’m doing, but just the fact that people can sense we are different and automatically dislike us based off that. But I have to admit that it does really bother me at times and it’s starting to wear me down. And it’s not just the coffeeshops, it’s everywhere- grocery store, dentist, etc.

Sometimes after a long or rough day and during times where I’m particularly lonely, it really does affect me. Sometimes when I politely say hi and smile and say please and thank you and I’m met with an eye roll, a sigh or a blank facial expression, I just want to shout “I KNOW! I KNOW IM UNLIKEABLE! IM DOING MY BEST! IM POLITE AND FRIENDLY AND YOURE STILL BOTHERED BY ME BUT IM DOING MY BEST! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” But of course, I never do that. I smile, say “thank you, have a nice evening” and I go home.

I know it’s not me personally. I’m a neuropsychologist and I spent a lot of time studying autism and how we are perceived. I know it’s nothing I’m doing wrong. But oh my god it still sucks. And sometimes, it’s those tiny micro rejections that can be the final straw during a particularly difficult time.