u/guessitsaidenn

Does anyone get super comfortable and internally happy watching videos of trans people sharing their experiences ? So I’m AFAB and watching trans guys tell how their journey went/is going and it makes me feel so warm and comfortable, excited for when it’s “my turn”… even when I’m combatting feelings of “I’m faking it”.

It’s more than a feeling of just being happy for them. It’s like watching an intro to what I could have someday, and that genuinely excites me.

And for the days where I think what I feel isn’t real, I get jealous of these guys for how they are, what they’ve got etc. and I tend to avoid watching them because it hurts me that I don’t have their features etc.

Does anyone have similar or different comforts for their gender identity? Things you do to help feel more euphoric etc? Would love to hear them 🩵

For those AFAB, however you identify now, I need your advice. More importantly if you aren’t your AGAB.

I’m AFAB but was feeling decently he/him the past little while, until last night I had a dream, one of those supposed “maternal” dreams where I was pregnant. In the dream it felt good to be pregnant, I had all the nesting impulses and my partner and I were happy. I woke up, and it’s like it hurts.

I feel like it shoved my boy-self out the picture entirely and that I’m just faking this whole thing. I must be a woman if my brain is still triggering dreams like that and I’m semi-comfortable in it. But I felt so good as a boy the last little while, so wtf ? I’m immediately reminded what body I was put in. It just felt hugely invalidating, like it triggered that impostor syndrome I’ve seen a lot.

Has anyone ever had this? Do you still have it to this day? It’s ruined my day before it’s even started…

So I’ve been going through the gender crisis motions for 5+ years now , and only recently accepted that I feel genderfluid. Things were going good , people asking if I feel more he/him makes me feel warm and seen.

Went to a mental health nurse today and she’s referred me to the nearest gender service and fuck I’m terrified, so much that now I don’t believe any of what I’ve felt over the years. I feel like I’ve faked it all , it’s not true , I don’t deserve this spot it should go to someone genuine who knows their feelings are real. I’m just a girl. Never a boy. I’m delusional. It was all just me living in fantasy land.

Am I still looking at guys wishing I appeared like them instead of a “woman”? Yep. Am I feeling sad that I’ve lost the boy I thought I was sometimes? 100%. Do I still envy my nephew for getting to grow up into a young man ? Don’t get me started…

What the fuck.

Is it just fear ? Has anyone else felt this ?