u/gx936

I have rather healthy relationship with my bottom and I may get Metoidioplasty later in my life but I'm fine with having a female organ [although I want to get hysterectomy] and I enjoy my sexual life with it. Is this or does this disprove that I'm trans masc or not? I'm even thinking to keep my bottom part because why remove it when I feel good about it? Is this not being trans enough or not? I'm sorry because this is taboo but I want to know what you guys think.

I'm just really confused nowadays. I do not know where I'm trans masc or just a cis woman with issues. I'm neurodivergent and got BPD and such but I'm not sure whether this feeling of I want to perhaps try living my life as a man is a good route and are caused by my mental health issues and I'm scared that what If I detransition later in life as well. But at the same time I don't want to be a masculine presenting woman. I don't want to have a male body but I don't want female body either. I'm not sure what to do. I'm 25 now but in couple months I figured out that maybe I do not want to live my rest of my life as a woman. Is it because of my internalized misogyny? Is it because I never had chance to explore in this conservative East Asian family I lived in? Is it okay for me to transition? I'm not sure and I just wish I was born not trans and as a biological man or woman.

I'm AFAB who is East Asian and 5'4 ~ 5'3 tall and I want to do a Limb - Lengthning surgery at this point because I'm sick and tired of people not treating a short man with kindess and that short man are not even considered as a man. I already went through two back surgeries already and I know that I have many risks but at this point I'm tired of being short and this height disphoria is hitting me so bad right now that I'm even scared of transitioning. I might as just stay like this and not transition for a while until I find a way to increase my height or accept my short height but Idk how to accept this tragic reality. And by the way, the country I was from is conservative but also very...like they worship people who is tall and got small face and things like that and I do not know what to do. I want to be accepted as a man once I begin my transition but I'm afraid that will never happen and I'm hopeless.

I hate it. There is no words to describe it. My mom by default is microagression themselves and it is just annoying and irritating. I'm always acting, hiding my true self and I'm not sure what to do anymore and I'm already in a conservative family anyways and I'm tired. I wish I was biological man and I just want to be a man. A real man. I'm fine getting misgendered at this point because I just want to not be outed or things like that and I'm becoming numb day by day. I don't know what it is like to be myself anymore. I just want to be a person. Idk what I should do with my ties from and of my family and I'm just tired man.

I just had to let this off my mind and my own sanity.

Thanks

First of all, I’m an American citizen currently living in my birth nation [someplace in Asia] for personal reasons. And for better or for worse, me myself living here for about year has been a wake up call. As a queer person trying to hold onto my faith towards God and to try my best to be with Jesus, I’ve seen how toxic, fundamentalist evangelicalism is blocking the basic human rights of the LGBTQ+ community here, especially trans people and non-binary people.

Today, I met someone at a rare queer affirming church, and their story honetly broke my heart. (I have their permission to share this).

They are a non-binary, trans individual and a "cradle" Christian. They grew up Methodist and even went to seminary to become a pastor. However, they were rejected and forced out once their identity became known.

Because there are no anti-discrimination laws here, they are virtually barred from the "normal" workforce. Interviewers reject them immediately because they don't fit a traditional gender mold or they got "weird" voice and "looks". This has forced them into very exploitative industries ["Nightworking" works and job] or grueling manual labor where their gender is ignored, but their Basic human dignity isn't respected.

I visited their home today. They are brilliant and hardworking, yet they are living in isolation, working a minimum wage packaging job just to survive. They even struggle to find safe bathrooms in public because there is no gender neutral bathrooms here that they can safely go to. They are techincally forced to live in a lonely, exhausting existence, and it’s fueled by "Christians" who claim to love God while actively dehumanizing the very people God loves and made with grace, mercy and dignity.

I’m struggling with a lot of anger and "ache" in my mind after hearing their story. I feel powerless. And I know I’m not a saint. I’m a hypocrite in my own ways who need God and the grace of the lord Jesus Christ and his mercy and love, but seeing people use the name of Christ to deny someone the right to work and live with basic decency is disgusting and abhorrent.

I can only pray and ask God to stay with them and to guide them and protect them from intolerance and grieviences, but I wish that this place will change for good although I doubt that it will change anytime soon. How do you guys or did you guys cope with this injustice and discrimination where religious legalism and social conservatism are punishing the marginalized people for just being themselves and breathing and existing in the conservative nation? Any thoughts and comments are welcome. God bless you guys.