Newly typed as an ENFJ! Help me confirm! (Doubts+Kinda Venting)(Kinda Long Read, Sorry! 😭)
Hellooo everyone! I have known about MBTIs since quite a while but I have only actually researched the 8 cognitions now; I sat down with my laptop, notebook and pen, wrote everything down and it's been three days since I've been analysing myself in a lowkey paranoid way lmao. I don't understand why I am feeling such a deep desire to type myself accurately out of nowhere, but oh well! With all my understanding, I have a very strong feeling that I am an ENFJ but there are still certain doubts in my mind. I was in 10th grade when I took the test at first in 2019/2020 on the 16 personalities website (a friend of mine had recommended it to me) and it typed me as an INFJ. But by the time I went to college, I retook the test and was typed as an INFP. I do have a very vivid inner world (daydreaming) that I switch to when I need comfort but I found that I was certainly a lottttt more grounded than some of the people I have met who are sure that they are INFP (and it shows very obviously too). Then, 2024 onwards, the test constantly types me as an ENFP. I found the back and forth between types rather doubtful so I finally took the initiative to research the entire thing and understand the system by myself. The following are my doubts that I would love you guys' help with, before I surely confirm myself as an ENFJ (I am 90% sure right now):--
(Please keep in mind that I am a enneagram 1w2, in case it is relevant and changes things.)
• "ENFJs are people-pleasing" -- I feel it must be a stereotype but they keep saying on the internet that being Fe-dom means that one is a people-pleaser. I vehemently disagree. I 101% care a lot about people, but it's because I actually, really, sincerely care about people and human connection; not because I want to be appreciated for it. Overtime, I have had to learn how to limit my generosity so as to not get used by people who only want my help but don't show mutual respect towards me as a person. I also dislike the "probing" stereotype; in the sense that they often depict ENFJs bothering or forcing people to tell them what they think because the ENFJ wants to be a "counsellor". I always ask if my help is needed or if there is anything someone wants to talk about (if they look like they are worried or in distress) but if they say no or decline, I move on with my life and silently hope that if indeed they are going through something but didn't want help, may things get better for them (this is the first time I have expressed outwardly that I "pray" for people, but only for your understanding; I'm not fishing for compliments!!!!).
• "ENFJs don't have a personal moral code/are pushovers" : Despite seeing that my natural instinct is definitely Fe in terms of me wanting people to be okay (which will make the world better in general), but I do also have a very strong Fi usage. I know it's supposed to be "shadow", but for instance, I have left social groups and blocked people because they used the N word; I tried reasoning but when they were not willing to listen and understand, I walked out. The person who used the word apologised a few hours later but I still blocked them because I didn't feel safe anymore being in the same space as the person, even if it was online. The internet tends to say that ENFJs or Fe-users are willing to compromise on personal morals to keep peace or that they don't express opinions. I do express opinions; I actually can express them quite strongly; it's just that if someone entirely dismisses my thought process, I stop insisting; or you could say that I am not "adamant" unless it's something like the N word or other social/racial/ethical issue that I think should have one correct answer (not always as per logic necessarily). Also, I don't confirm to other people's opinions or interests; I just want to be mutually respected. If you think Pineapple on pizza is shit, it's completely fine; we can still be friends but if you make fun of me or call me "weird" for liking it, I will mind, even though I may not say it there and then. I usually am willing to let trivial things go 2-3 times, but if I start sensing a pattern of general disrespect over others' feelings and opinions in the person I am in a friendship with, I will confront them; if they are unwilling to change, I will leave. I also stand up for other people in a group of they are being disrespected, so I don't know why it's assumed that ENFJs are willing to do anything to maintain group harmony. I admit, that I am nervous on the inside when speaking up, but I still speak up/take the leap of faith anyway. I even wondered if I am an INFJ but then the "humanistic" trait that wants to truly and sincerely connect with others and understand them comes a little too naturally to me to be an Ni-dom.
• "Only NFPs daydream": Hell no!!!!!!! I daydream a lot; but I do see that my daydreams are for comfort mostly or falling asleep or while listening to music and walking around; I usually imagine people including celebrities that I like around me. I'd say it's mostly to combat loneliness. Idk what makes INFPs daydream though; if it's to combat something or if it's their natural instinct. At the same time though, my friends have told me that I do tend to be "pensive" or "lost in thought" sometimes .
• "Only NFPs think out loud": I disagree. I tend to think inside my head but if I get too mixed up, I say the thing out loud or write it down to make concrete sense. Writing down in particular really helps me after I have already completed my train of thought inside my head. Could be a tertiary Se thing?
• There seems to be an assumption that only NFPs or ENFPs in particular love to talk about their ideas/opinions but I enjoy it too. I always enjoyed oration in school (even though internally I would be very nervous but people couldn't tell) and I was objectively good, touchwood (students I didn't know would come up to compliment me and I have won prizes if they count). But I don't think I'm an ENFP because my Fe energy tends to be engaged but grounded still. People say I am sweet but I'm usually not loud or cracking jokes unless it is with someone I love and trust and who loves and trusts me back; even then, I'm very mindful with my jokes.
It took me some courage to bare my thoughts in front of anybody who is reading this; please be respectful if you care to say something (this is just a reminder; I'm not assuming that you will be rude) 🙏🏻